Saturday, October 8, 2022

Happy Columbus Day! - The Magic Voyage

Bavaria Film, 1992
Voices of Dom DeLuise, Corey Feldman, Irene Cara, and Samantha Eggar
Directed by Michael Schoemann
Music and Lyrics by Scott Santaro

There were a flurry of movies released in 1992 in honor of the 500th anniversary of Columbus crossing the Atlantic in search of treasure. The Magic Voyage began life in Germany as a spoof of the historical vision of Columbus as a scholar and adventurer, with the addition of a woodworm character from an earlier animated film on Noah's Ark. After it inflated to Germany's most expensive animated film to that point, the US stepped in and started making changes. How well did this work out? Let's start with the narrator (Mickey Rooney) as he reveals how people (supposedly) still thought the world was flat in 1492, and find out...

The Story: Pico the Woodworm (Feldman) is looking for more adventure than he ever found eating books. He moves in with bumbling Christopher Columbus (DeLuise), who believes the world is a cube. Pico eats his globe until it's round and Columbus changes his tune. While Columbus convinces the fawning Queen Isabella (Eggar) and her less impressed husband King Ferdinand (Dan Haggarty) to give him three ships so he can find gold in the Indies, Pico falls for the lovely moon sprite Princess Marilyn. She's being held in the castle chandelier by a wicked being known as The Swarm Lord. Pico tries to free her, but the Swarm Lord takes her overseas instead.

Pico's late joining Columbus on his voyage, thanks to a trio of rats who think he's lunch. He convinces them that there's cheese on-board, but they leave him behind, and he has to ride over on a seagull. Even after he joins Columbus, there's still trouble. Columbus is a terrible sailor who gets horribly seasick, and the entire crew is tired of his shenanigans and are ready to mutiny. Columbus barely manages to avoid being hung when he finally sees the New World...but even when they arrive, they encounter out-of-place wildlife, natives, and the Swarm Lord, who is determined to get Marilyn's powers no matter what.

The Animation: Well, we do have some lush artwork under the credits in the opening and backdrops in Marilyn's description of her home and when they get to the New World. Otherwise, I'm not sure where those millions of dollars went. It wasn't to the animation. The characters move jerkily, and the designs waver between too cartoony for the subject matter and too stiff.

The Song and Dance: The sheer audacity of doing a musical satire about one of history's worst sailors gives this a sheen of kitsch that's really its only saving grace now, along with some mildly funny lines from DeLuise. At the least, it's slightly more interesting than the notoriously dull live-action movies about Columbus released in 1992, 1492: Conquest of Paradise and Christopher Columbus: The Discovery. And they did get a few historical details at least somewhat right; Columbus really was a lousy sailor and leader, and his crew really did almost mutiny. 

Favorite Number: We kick off with Pico describing why he opted to trade eating and reading books for the open road in "Pico the Adventurer." Columbus and Pico tell each other - and all of Madrid - why "A Fellow Like You" is a treasure. Marilyn describes "A World of Magic" to Pico when they're in the chandelier. Columbus and Pico placate the mutinous sailors with "A Life of the Sea" and why they love their jobs. 

Trivia: There's actually two English-dubbed versions of this movie. My review is based after the far-easier-to-find Hemdale Corporation release. Atlas Pictures put out an earlier version with an entirely different cast that's never been on home video in North America.

What I Don't Like: Hoooo boy. Where do I begin with this one? How about all the historical facts they got wrong, from King Ferdinand and his screechy advisor being bad guys to Columbus actually finding gold (he never did in San Salvador in real life and died a broken man) to the misconception about people thinking the world was flat? (In real-life, people knew the world was round since the time of the Greeks.) Pico's not the only one who finds the affair between Isabella and Columbus to be silly and distasteful, too. And even if they had to include Pico as comic relief, they did not need the side plot of Marilyn and the Swarm. That not only made no sense, it seemed to come from another movie entirely. Speaking of the supposedly fearsome Swarm, not only did Columbus take them down way too easily in the end, but he did it the dumbest and most anti-climatic way possible. 

What's with all the talking? Everyone is constantly talking in this movie, even when the visuals should be enough to carry it. Apparently, there was a lot of ad-libbing from the cast that got into the film. That can add spontaneity, but in this case, it doesn't move the film along or have really much of anything to do with the plot and should have been trimmed or cut. The songs are annoyingly generic, and Feldman isn't that great of a singer. 

And what was with all the other talking animal sidekicks? The rats and beaver add nothing to the story (though at least they did admit the beaver was out of place), and the seagull only carries Pico around. There's also the brief and awkward appearance of the natives at the end. Anyone with even the remote knowledge of Columbus knows he treated the natives badly and took many as slaves. Here, they just let him go with the gold and a smile.

The Big Finale: I've heard this movie went over better in its native Germany. It does supposedly have a few fans with fond memories of renting this on video in the mid-90's, but...I'm not one of them. The animation is terrible, the characters are dull, the story is silly, and the music is useless. Unless you share those fond memories, I wouldn't touch this voyage with a hundred-foot-telescope. 

Home Media: If you absolutely must see this, the second English dub can be easily found on streaming, usually for free. (The DVDs for both the English and German dubs are insanely expensive.) 

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