Selena

Warner Bros, 1997

Starring Jennifer Lopez, Edward James Olmos, Constance Marie, and Jon Seda

Directed by Gregory Nava

Music and Lyrics by various

Our next tragic singer has a lot in common with Richie Valens. Selena Quintanilla-Perez was even more popular in the early-mid 90's, especially among Spanish-speaking audiences. She too became a huge crossover star with the world at her feet, she also came from a large supportive Mexican-American family,  she started her career even earlier than Valens...and her death after  being murdered by her own manager was even more horrific and senseless. How much more? Let's start at one of Selena's (Lopez) last concerts in February 1995, shortly before her death, and find out...

The Story: Selena begins her career at the age of 9, when her father Abraham (Olmos) notices what a wonderful singer she is and how much she gets into the music. Abraham once had a music group in the early 60's, but they were attacked for not singing Mexican music and for not being American. He promotes Selena as the lead singer, with her brother A.B (Jacob Vargas) on bass and sister Suzette (Jackie Guerra) on drums. The kids would rather be out playing and protest this at first, until the discover that they actually like making music together.

At first, Abraham starts them playing Mexican restaurants and carnivals. It doesn't go over until Selena adds dancing and her own sparkling personality. They continue playing local fairs through 1989, when Selena displays her midriff during a performance, to her father's horror. He's even more upset when she falls for Chris Perez (Seda), a hard rock guitarist she and A.B talk her father into hiring. He tries to fire him after his former band mates trash a hotel room, but his children beg to keep him for the upcoming Mexican tour. Selena doesn't speak a word of Spanish, but her winning personality finally wins the Mexican people over, especially after she manages to calm a crowd that nearly causes the stage she performs on to buckle.

By 1994, Selena is riding high. She and Chris get married after Abraham refuses to accept their relationship otherwise, and EMI Latin wants her to record an English-language album. She even starts her own designer boutique and asks her fan club president Yolanda Salvidar (Lupe Ontiveros) to run it. Salvidar proves to be less-than trustworthy when paperwork and money for her fan club and boutique go missing, but Selena's attempt to confront her about it has tragic consequences.

The Song and Dance: Once again, a well-chosen cast is highlighted by a break-out performance. Jennifer Lopez, who went on to become a superstar in her own right, is a wonderful Selena. She beautifully captures her vivacity and energy onstage and her tender naivety off of it. She even makes a believable teenager. Olmos and Seda more than match her as her strong-willed father who is determined his daughter will find the spotlight that was denied him due to prejudice and the soft-spoken guitarist who is willing to change his life for this beautiful girl.

Thanks to the cooperation of the real Quintanilla-Perez family, this comes off as authentic as possible at the time. The music is mostly real recordings of Selena's concerts. The costumes Lopez wears are based after her actual designs. The concerts were filmed at venues where she performed. This time, the cast is almost entirely Mexican-American, or at least Latina. Even little Rebecca Lee Meza, who plays the young Selena, is a delight, showing us a little girl who loves singing, but also just wants to be a kid who enjoys playing and dancing to Donna Summer.

Favorite Number: We open with that early 1995 concert as Selena vivaciously performs a medley of "I Will Survive," "Last Dance," and "On the Radio." Jumping back to 1961, we learn that her father and a couple of his friends formed a singing group called the Dinos, mainly performing "We Belong Together." An American cafe rejects them out of prejudice, and Mexicans nearly cause a riot when they don't find their smooth sound right for dancing. 

Years later, 9-year-old Selena joins her father playing "We Belong Together."  He's so impressed, he convinces the kids to take up the drums and bass and turns them into a group, Selena and the Dinos. "Over the Rainbow" works at his wife's Mexican restaurant, but carnival attendants have no interest in "Blue Moon." After Selena's mother (Marie) encourages her to add more dancing and let her vivacious personality shine, Selena becomes a big hit, singing "No Me Quea Mas" even as her mother defends her right to wear a bustier in her act. We get a medley of her playing larger clubs in increasingly sexier costumes to the tune of "Balia Esta Cumbia."

"Como La Flor" is the song that gets so hot and has so many people crowding around the stage to catch a glimpse of her, the stage nearly buckles until Selena slows things down and encourages people to move away from the stage. We hear "Bidi Bidi Bom Bom" as her performances, venues...and confidence...grow even larger. After she's drafted to make her first English-language album, we see her recording what would become one of two huge hits from that album, "I Could Fall In Love." She finishes up that show we saw her performing in the beginning with "Is It the Beat?" She starts to sing the other major hit from that English-language album, "Dreaming of You," until we see a rose thrown at her feet...and a montage of her tragic death and its aftermath.

What I Don't Like: Even more than La Bamba, this movie leans heavily on the sentimental side. It was heavily made with the approval of Selena's family, so there's not a lot that's negative about her. Keep in mind too that this was made just two years after her death, and the events were still fresh in people's minds then. There's also the fact that she was a huge superstar at the time who was worshiped by many, including her own family. The movie does get a little soap-opera-ish, especially in the second half that has more emphasis on Selena's relationship with Chris.

The Big Finale: Actually, this would make a nice double feature with La Bamba if you're a fan of Latin rock, Lopez, or Selena herself. 

Home Media: Easily found on disc and streaming; currently free at Tubi with commercials.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Tubi

Thank God It's Friday

Columbia Pictures, 1978

Starring Jeff Goldblum, Donna Summer, Debra Winger, and Ray Vitte

Directed by Robert Klane

Music and Lyrics by various

The phenomenal success of Saturday Night Fever sent the studios looking for any way to capitalize on this  new music fad. This was the first one out of the gate after Fever, and as such, is probably the most emblematic. Summer was already associated with disco, having released the hit singles "I Remember Yesterday" and "Love to Love You Baby." She and the R&B group the Commodores were brought in to anchor this story of one Friday night at a popular LA dance club. Is it worthy of the dance floor, or should it be booted out? Let's begin with music that's so catchy, even the Columbia Torch lady gets down with the beat, and find out...

The Story: The wildly popular dance club The Zoo is ready for business. Its owner Tony DiMarco (Goldblum) is pushing its big midnight dance contest, with the Commodores singing live. Everybody comes to the Zoo, from horny teenage boys looking for their first score to hopeful teen girls who need to earn money for tickets to a KISS concert. Uptight Sue and Dave come for their fifth wedding anniversary. Tony falls for Sue, and Dave eventually lets his hair down with drugged-out regular Jackie (Mews Small). 

Garment worker Marv (Chick Vennera) teaches shy Ken (John Friedrich) how to dance. Sweet Jennifer (Winger) is new in town. Her friend Maddy brings her to the disco in the hope that she'll meet a cute guy, but she vetoes every one she's interested in. Singer Nicole Sims (Summer) just wants a chance to perform for DJ Bobby Speed (Vitte). She may get her wish when the Commodores' roadie Malcolm Floyd (DeWayne Jessie) can't convince the cops that the instruments  he's delivering aren't stolen property.

The Song and Dance: Obviously, the song and dance are the thing here. This isn't going for story, but for atmosphere. Like Fever, it's only interest is in capturing the real mood of a certain time and place, and it does that in spades. This is another one where you really get the feel for the era of platform heels, mirror balls, and people who come to mix, mingle, and strut their stuff. The movie, like the people dancing the night away, isn't trying to win any awards. It's not even going for tough drama. Like several of its characters, all it wants to do is let its hair done and have fun. Frankly, the nightclub, with it's elaborate glittering interior, is more of a character than any of the actual characters besides Summer and maybe Goldblum. 

Favorite Number: We open with the title song under a montage of high school students dashing home and others leaving work in order to get to the Zoo on Friday night. Marv gets a nifty instrumental number, "Leatherman's Theme," when he's bouncing around on the top of cars as he teaches Ken how to dance. Floyd gets his own number, "Floyd's Theme," as he shows everyone what he can do on the drums. We also get the big finale, as everyone dances to the Commodores' "Too Hot ta Trot" and we see who gets eliminated from the contest and who makes it to the end.

The big numbers here both belong to Summer. When she finally manages to make it onstage, she belts out the Oscar-winning "Last Dance"...and it's a magical moment as everyone swirls in the lights, and she really gets into the song. Her other number, "With Your Love" is almost as good.

Trivia: This was filmed at a real nightclub, Osko's, in Los Angeles. It's since been demolished.

First major role for Debra Winger, only big screen appearance of the Commodores, and only acting role in a non-documentary for Donna Summer.

 

What I Don't Like: No wonder critics have been hard on this movie for years. The movie bounces from one group of characters to another with little rhyme or reason. It's so interested in showing you the life of every single darn person in that club, you don't get to know any of them that well...and the ones that you do aren't the most pleasant people except for maybe Summer. The story is non-existent, the dialogue stiff and often silly. There's also the scenes with several people taking recreational drugs in a PG movie. This was a big part of the disco scene in 1978, but it may offend some folks nowadays. 

The Big Finale: For all the problems, I still ended up enjoying the atmosphere and some great music. Recommended mostly for huge fans of Summer, The Commodores, or those who either remember or are interested in learning more about the disco scene of the late 70's.

Home Media: The DVD is a little pricey; you may be better off looking for it on streaming. It's currently free at YouTube with commercials.

DVD

Amazon Prime

YouTube

Saturday Night Fever

Paramount, 1977

Starring John Travolta, Karen Lynn Gornley, Donna Pescow, and Barry Miller

Directed by John Badham

Music and Lyrics by various

Let's dance into the holidays this week with two of the most popular movies made during the disco era. Disco got its start in gay black bars in the early 70's. By 1976, it had spread enough to other cultures in New York for an article to be written on it. The article was later discovered to be mostly fictional, but it was still interesting enough to inspire the characters in this film. Does it still own the dance floor today, or should it be booted out of the club? Let's start on the streets of Brooklyn with cocky resident Tony Manero (Travolta) and find out...

The Story: By day, Tony works in a tiny paint store and lives with his parents, who wish he'd do something with his life like his priest brother Frank (Val Bisoglio). It's at night where he truly shines. Every Saturday night, he and his friends Bobby (Miller), Joey (Joseph Cali), Double J (Paul Pape), and Gus (Bruce Ornstein) go to the 2001 Odyssey disco club and dance the night away. Annette (Pescow) is a friend of the guys who has a crush on Tony. She's thrilled when he asks her to join a dance contest at the club, but he ends up dumping her in favor of secretary and dance instructor Stephanie Mangaro (Gormley), who is frankly the better dancer.

Tony begins to question his life choices when his brother leaves the priesthood and encourages him to pursue dancing. His parents are horrified, but he's tired of living up to their expectations. He's also getting more than a little tired of his friends' immature antics and inability to take control of their lives. After a fight with a Puerto Rican gang leaves them all battered for no reason and Stephanie turns away his attempt to make out, Tony wonders if it's time he finally left Brooklyn to pursue the one thing he truly loves - dancing.

The Song and Dance: Wow. I was not expecting Fever to get this intense or this dark. Travolta earns his stardom, not only with his amazing moves on the dance floor, but with his tough performances as the cocky young man for whom dance is an escape and a way to show he has what it takes to be someone. Pescow and Miller are also excellent as the girl who loves Tony way more than he ever could and his buddy who is the only one with a car and who ends up having the most problems. Everything is filmed as realistically as possible for 1977, from location shooting in the actual Brooklyn and Manhattan to using a real Brooklyn nightclub for the disco, and it really goes a long way to bringing Tony's down-and-dirty world of white polyester suits and black boots with chunky heels to life.

Favorite Number: We begin with one of the most famous openings in musical film history. Tony struts down the street, eating two slices of pizza and comparing his boots to the fancy ones in a window as "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees plays in the background. A second montage to their "Night Fever" gives us Tony doing his hair and preparing for his night out. 

Tony gets his first big dance routine as he and Annette burn up the floor in the Trammps' "Disco Inferno." Stephanie catches Tony's eye when she and a random partner take to the floor with the instrumental David Shire number "Salsation." Tony joins two girls on the floor for an encore of "Night Fever"; one of the girls he kisses thinks he's Al Pacino. This turns into the closest thing the movie gets to a big chorus number as everyone else dances along in line.

Tony's brief instrumental rehearsal number with Annette doesn't go so well, which is why he ends up begging Stephanie to join him. They rehearse to Tavares' version of "More Than a Woman," and end up falling in love to it. "If I Can't Have You" by Yvonne Ellerman becomes a second chorus number as we see everyone enjoying their time at the bar, including a topless dancer. That's none other than a young Fran Drescher getting Tony on the floor to a reprise of "Disco Inferno," before he goes into his iconic moves for "You Should Be Dancing" on that light-up floor.

Tony gets very jealous when he sees scuzzy Pete (Bert Michaels) dancing with Stephanie to "If I Can't Have You." Things go better at the dance contest. The first couple really get down in their billowing pants to "Open Sesame." Tony and Stephanie do their beautiful, graceful twirls to the Bee Gees' version of "More Than a Woman..." but Tony's right that the Puerto Rican couple's hot dance moves to "K-Jee" by MFSB are probably better.

Trivia: A stage version opened first in London in 1998, then at the Minskoff Theater on Broadway in 1999. Both shows were hits, with each running two years. The stage version seems to have made a slightly bigger impression in London. It toured the UK extensively and saw an equally popular revival in 2004. The US version turns up occasionally in regional theaters looking for darker material.

A PG-rated version with most of the darker elements - including strong language - eliminated was released to theaters in 1979 for teenagers who made up a large portion of the film's fan base. It was put out on video and seen on cable in the 1980's, but has not yet made it to DVD or streaming. 

The 2001 Odyssey Club was a real disco in Brooklyn that has since been demolished. Other locations used include the Verrazzo-Narrows Bridge, John J. Carty Park, a real paint store that operated in Bay Ridge, an actual Bay Ridge apartment home for the Manero's home, and a dance studio in Brockhurst.

What I Don't Like: This movie is so much of its time, that a lot of it - especially the treatment of the women in Tony's life - hasn't dated well. There's gang violence, group rape, attempted rape, and a visible suicide. Not only that, but Annette, at least, supposedly claims she wants the rape...but even the movie makes it clear that she's not as eager as the boys want to think. Not to mention, as per the characters and down-and-dirty New York milieu, almost everyone uses language that would make a sailor blush. No wonder they wanted to make a PG version for kids. For the original version and director's cut, I would heed that R rating. This is one disco that's for adults only. Start the kids off on the soundtrack before they come anywhere near here. 

The Big Finale: This one might be a little too dark for me to watch often, but I still recommend it for adult fans of Travolta, disco, or those who want to know what the disco era was really all about. 

Home Media: The R-rated version is easily found just about anywhere, including for free with a subscription at Paramount Plus and Amazon Prime.

DVD

Blu-Ray - Director's Cut

4K

Amazon Prime

Paramount Plus

Animation Celebration Saturday - Nutcracker Fantasy

Sanrio, 1979

Voices of Melissa Gilbert, Christopher Lee, Jo Ann Worley, and Roddy McDowell

Directed by Takeo Nakamura

Lyrics by Randy Bishop and Marty Gwinn

Fans of anime or the Japanese character Hello Kitty will recognize the name Sanrio. Kitty first appeared in 1975 and was an instant sensation on both sides of the Pacific. She and her friends went over so well, Sanrio had enough money by the late 70's to break into movies. This would be their first attempt at a full-length non-anthology animated film, and their first go at stop motion. If it looks familiar, they brought in many animators who also worked on the Rankin-Bass specials in the US. Does this dreamy fairy tale reach the same heights, or should it be turned to wood? Let's start with the voice of an older Clara (Michele Lee) as she recalls her childhood and find out...

The Story: Young Clara (Gilbert) is excited to visit her Uncle Drosselmeyer (Lee) and Aunt Gerda (Lurene Tuttle), and especially to see her handsome friend Fritz (McDowell) the next day. Aunt Gerda reminds Clara that the Ragman comes and turns naughty children who won't sleep into mice, but Clara's too excited for sleep or to fear her aunt's stories. Her uncle brings out a nutcracker doll, claiming it's too homely for Clara to want. She loves it and says she'll sleep if she can keep it. 

That night, she wakes up to find mice stealing the Nutcracker away. She follows them, only to be knocked out when the Nutcracker defends her. She tells her aunt what happened the next morning, only for her aunt to insist she's talking nonsense. Clara's fevered mind takes her into a wild dream where she alone can rescue her beloved Nutcracker Prince (McDowell) from the Mouse Queen (Jo Ann Worley) and help save the Princess Mary (Robin Haffner) and her Doll Kingdom.

The Animation: While it does have a lot in common with the Rankin-Bass specials of this time, it's not quite as cartoony as many of them. The mice, especially the Mouse Queen's son Gaar, can be especially grotesque, and aren't cute at all. Princess Mary's palace is done in every eye-popping sherbet shade of the rainbow, a brilliant contrast to the dark forest Clara wanders in later and Aunt Gerda and Uncle Drosselmeyer's home. The design of the human characters hews more towards Rankin-Bass, with their round heads and wide blue eyes. 

The Song and Dance: This dreamy fairy tale is as far from Hello Kitty cuteness as you can get. (Though Sanrio did do a Hello Kitty Nutcracker TV episode for her 90's TV series that had a similar story.) It's actually based more after the original ETA Hoffman story The Nutcracker and the Mouse King than the ballet. No dancing candy here. This is closer to dark 80's fantasies like Labyrinth, with its themes of self-discovery and sacrifice. 

I'm impressed they got such a top-drawer cast for an English dub. Lee not only brings his usual gravity to Drosselmeyer and three look-a-like men his niece meets on her journey, he's reveling in his rare chance to play a non-villain. Worley's having a blast as the thoroughly evil Mouse Queen, and Gilbert is a darling Clara. 

Favorite Number: The movie's first number is the haunting "Dance of the Dolls" over Clara descending into slumber. (It's also heard during the credits.) It sounds like the best ABBA ballad you never heard. Lyricists Randy Bishop and Marty Gwinn also get the dark "Empty Heart" as Clara tries to find someone who cares enough to help her Nutcracker after Princess Mary rejected him. Lee lends his handsome deep baritone to "In Your Heart of Hearts" as a Street Singer who leads Clara to the mystical Queen of Time (Eva Gabor) and "Tick Tock Fantasy" when she comes downstairs. 

What I Don't Like: Not sure what audience Sanrio wanted to go for here. The death of the Mouse Queen and transformation of the Nutcracker are both pretty grisly for a children's fantasy, and Gaar's nearly terrifying, even before he goes after Clara in the end. Those who are more familiar with the ballet may be disappointed at many of the deviations here. As mentioned, there's no dancing candy or snowflakes. Fritz is a friend of Clara's, not her brother, and there's no party in the opening. The story isn't even set at Christmas. There's also all those silly wisemen who don't really help figure out how to save Mary frequently coming off as stereotypes (and annoying, even to Clara) and Clara frankly being a bit young to be interested in the clearly older Franz. 

The Big Finale: I'm glad I ran into this one. If you love the dark fantasies of the late 70's and 80's, I highly recommend looking around for this bittersweet romance. 

Home Media: The 2014 remastered version is easily available on all major formats. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Roller Boogie

United Artists, 1979

Starring Linda Blair, Jim Bray, Beverly Garland, and Mark Goddard

Directed by Mark L. Lester

Music and Lyrics by various

Disco came in many forms during it's heyday in the late 70's and early 80's. By far the most popular offshoot was roller disco, or roller-skating to disco music in a skating rink or dance club. The success of disco clubs and Saturday Night Fever also lead to a brief musical movie revival as kids in sharp collared suits and ladies in flowing dresses danced their heartbreak away on the nightclub floor. The roller disco craze popped up in films throughout the entire disco era, especially ones marketed to teens like this. How does the story of two kids who fall in love on the roller disco floor and save their favorite boardwalk disco club look now? Let's begin on the boardwalk and beach in Venice, California, where the roller skating-obsessed teens are gearing up for the big Roller Boogie contest at the end of the summer, and find out...

The Story: Terri Barkley (Blair) is already a master flutist at age 18 on her way to Julliard, but she's also bored with her wealthy life and her negligent parents, lawyer Roger (Roger Perry) and stuffy Lillian (Garland). She takes off to Venice for some excitement with her snooty friend Lana (Kimberly Beck). Her first encounter with Bobby James (Bray) is when they're knocked into each other on the roller disco floor at Jammers. Bobby does try to put the moves on her, but she brushes him off until she hears about the big Roller Boogie contest being held at Jammer's. She pays him to teach her his big moves...but it ends with them falling for each other.

Their relationship and the contest are threatened when they and their friend Phones (Stoney Jackson) overhear a trio of goons threatening Jammer Delany (Sean McCrory), the owner of Jammer's, into selling. No Jammer's means no contest. Worse yet, Terri's lawyer father represents the sleazy developer and honestly thinks he's getting the better deal. Terri, Jim, and the other kids have to convince Roger and the local cop Thatcher (Goddard) that their music and moves are worth it, or they'll lose their beloved hangout forever.

The Song and Dance: Considering how notoriously bad most of the other musicals that capitalized on the disco skating fad were, this is a lot more fun than it has any right to be. Blair shows off some of her Academy Award-nominated acting chops to dig into Terri's very real teen angst, especially towards the middle when she briefly runs away. Garland and Perry do almost as well as her snobbish parents who think classical music and their demands are the only ones worth hearing. The shooting in authentic Venice locations gives it a surprisingly gritty feel despite the fairly fluffy story, and the kids are obviously having a ball skating and twirling and enjoying the real California sunshine.

Favorite Number: The film opens with "Hell On Wheels," performed by Cher over the credits as Bobby, his buddies, and the kids on the Venice boardwalk show off their moves and just how wildly popular roller skating was. Earth Wind & Fire's hit "Boogie Wonderland" provides the backdrop for the first big number at Jammer's, as Bobby and the other kids wind around each other, dodging the one guy who can't stay on his feet. "We've Got the Power" provides the backdrop for Bobby and Terri's first duet a little bit later, as they first begin to fall for each other. "Lord It Is Mine" is Bobby's big solo; he skates a dynamic routine with lots of twirling and jumps at an empty Jammer's after it's closed by the goons. Bobby and Terri's big romantic duet in the end is skated to "Love Fire," as he lifts and twirls her around the floor, to the delight of Jammer and the other kids.

Trivia: Blair was doubled for some of the tougher lifts in the finale, but she generally did most of her own skating. 

Bray garnered 250 trophies by the time he was 18. He went pro shortly after this was released; this would be his only film. 

What I Don't Like: Though not as goofy as other disco musicals of the era like Xanadu or Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, it's still really cheesy. Bray was a champion skater chosen because they couldn't find a leading man who could skate; he's amazing in his solo number, but Blair acts rings around him. His Olympic dreams are pretty ridiculous, too; there's never been an Olympic roller skating event. The cliched and silly story is a cross between Xanadu, Grease, and the Comden-Green musicals of the 50's and 60's with gangster side plots. This is absolutely not the place for you if you're looking for something more polished or with a darker story, or aren't into the glittery disco aesthetic.

The Big Finale: I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed this. Maybe it stems from having grown up seeing movies like this frequently on cable as a young child, but I thought it was really cute, and the kids are obviously having a great time. It's no masterpiece, but it's certainly an improvement over something like Can't Stop the Music. Throw on your old Donna Summer albums and give it a whirl.

Home Media: Currently DVD only from Olive Films; a Blu-Ray is out of print. 

DVD

Cult Flops - The Apple

The Cannon Group, 1980
Starring Catherine Mary Stewart, George Gilmour, Grace Kennedy, and Vladek Sheybal
Directed by Menahem Golem
Music by Coby Recht; Lyrics by Iris Recht

Even low-budget studios wanted to cash in on the disco craze. Inspired by his difficulties with a major French music company, Recht started writing this one in 1977. He couldn't get anyone to sign until he hit on Golem, an old friend. Golem thought it would make a wonderful movie and started filming in West Berlin in 1979 It's creators thought it was going to be the next big thing. By the time it came out in June 1980, it ran into that huge disco backlash and wound up being one of the bigger failures of the year. How does this disco Faust allegory look now? Let's start at the Euro...er, Worldvision Song Festival at West Berlin's Internationales Congress Centrum in 1994 and find out...

The Story: Naive young Canadians Alphie (Gilmour) and Bibi (Stewart) enter the contest with their gentle love song, but sabotaged by the evil Mr. Boogalow (Sheybal) and his minions. They want the pair from Boogalow International Music, Dandi (Allan Love) and Pandi (Grace Kennedy), to win. Boogalow invites them to a party at his home, and then to his office to sign a contract. Alphie insists both times that something is wrong. Dandi comes onto Bibi at the party, convincing her to sign the contract. She becomes the biggest star on the planet, spreading the evil message of BIM until everyone is under Boogalow's influence.

Alphie is still trying to sell his pop ballads, but he's not doing well. He lives in a falling-down building run by a fussy Jewish lady (Miriam Margoyles) who wishes he'd pay the rent. He tries to get Bibi back, but is first beaten by Boogalow's mooks, then seduced by Pandi. Realizing how much he loves her, Pandi finally sends Bibi after her sweetheart. They fall in with a group of hippies...but it'll take literal divine intervention to save this biblical pair and the people who have protected them...

The Song and Dance: This movie is so insane, it's in a class by itself. The glittery sci-fi costumes and wild neon makeup say less "1994" than "Rainbow Brite on every recreational drug available in 1980." Everyone either overacts with a rabid ferocity or fades into the woodwork, and it's oddly complimentary to the movie's in-your-face style.

Favorite Number: Dandi initially seduces Bibi with "Made for Me" at Boogalow's party as the guests throw in their own dance moves to help convince her. Boogalow, his second-in-command Shake (Ray Shell), and the chorus introduce Alphie and Bibi to the world of "Showbizness" in a huge, glitzy dance number in the lobby of Boogalow International Music shortly before they go upstairs to check out their contracts. Alphie thinks he sees Dandi giving "The Apple" to Bibi in an extremely obvious Adam and Eve allegory. Pandi gets her own seduction number with "Coming," as she and the chorus make love and try to sway Alphie to their side.

What I Don't Like: Nothing in this movie makes the slightest bit of sense. There's plot holes the size of Europe. We don't find out how they invited Alphie and Bibi to the party after they sabotaged them, or what happened to Alphie's landlady, or how BIM took over so quickly, or why Pandi suddenly changed sides. The movie frequently shows it's the cheap cash-in it is, from bad special effects to the lousy script and acting to the ridiculous, out-of-nowhere ending. This movie has all the subtlety of a ten-ton brick to the face.

The Big Finale: ...And yet, for all the idiocy, I still liked it better than Can't Stop the Music. It's obvious they took this seriously and were trying hard to make a decent biblical allegory, using the music of the time. Is it great? No. Is it even good? Not at all. But it's definitely it's own thing. If you love movies that are so bad, they're fascinating, you'll want to take a look at this.

Home Media: It's cult status makes it easy to find in all formats.

DVD
Blu-Ray
Amazon Prime

Cult Flops - Can't Stop the Music

Associated Film Distribution, 1980
Starring Steve Gutenberg, Valerie Perrine, Bruce Jenner, and The Village People (Alex Briley, David Hodo, Glenn Hughes, Randy Jones, Felipe Rose, and Ray Simpson)
Directed by Nancy Walker
Music by Jaques Morallei; Lyrics by various

Like Xanadu, this movie was another reaction to the overwhelming popularity of disco in the late 70's. Producer Allan Carr was coming off the mega-success of Grease and decided to follow that up with an original production. The Village People, six guys in various "working guys" costumes like cowboy or construction worker, were also coming off the huge hits "YMCA" and "In the Navy" and were one of the hottest groups on the planet at that point.

It may have made sense at the time to put them in a lavish musical inspired by the Judy Garland-Mickey Rooney "put on a show" musicals of the 1930's, but...well, let's just say that several bizarre choices in cast and crew and an overdose of camp made this one one go off the rails in spectacular fashion. How bad is it? Let's start in a crowded record store in New York City, where a hopeful young songwriter is about to change his life forever, and find out...

The Story: Jack Morell (Gutenberg) quits his job at a Grenwich Village record store to take a job as a DJ at a disco/country dance club. His roommate Samantha (Perrine) is initially skeptical, until she hears the big song he wrote about her. Seeing how it whips the crowd at the club into a frenzy, she suggests he shops it around to music executives she knows. The only taker is her sleazy ex-boyfriend Steve Waits (Paul Sand), who is more interested in her than Jack and his music, but she does manage to convince him to let them make a demo.

Now, all they need is a band. Good thing Samantha happens to have a friend from the disco club who dresses as a Native American (Rose) and an old friend who is a construction worker and model (Hodo), and a friend of hers just happens to know a cop (Simpson) and a National Guardsman (Briley), all of whom have wonderful singing voices. They also encounter Ron White (Jenner), a lawyer from St. Louis who is still getting use to the different sexual standards in New York. He leaves their big party in shock from all the sexy dancing, but changes his mind the next day when he realizes how much he likes Sam.

Ron offers to let them use his law office for their auditions, which somehow attracts the weirdest acts this side of The Gong Show. They do manage to pick up a singing motorcyclist in leather (Hughes) who was looking for someone to do his taxes, but Ron's boss (Russell Nype) is shocked at the display. Ron eventually quits to focus on the group. Sam tries to get Steve to offer up a contract, but turns down the one he does offer. She and the others first opt for a pay-party, but the commercial they make for milk is deemed a little too controversial. Fortunately, Ron's mother (Barbara Rush) is heavily into charity and may have an option that'll be the perfect way to showcase the group...

The Song and Dance: Well...you can't say this one isn't unique. If you didn't know when it was made, the glittering opening credits alone would give it away. The entire production screams "1979" in every way possible, from the women's plumed hats and floaty floral dresses to the men basically not wearing much of anything. Even Ron sheds his suit for a midriff-bearing t-shirt once he leaves the law firm. I don't think any mainstream movie before this (or possibly since) shows so much of the male anatomy.

Favorite Number: "Magic Night" is the party at Jack and Samantha's house in Grenwich Village that so offended Ron. It's really everyone sexy-dancing around each other as the Village People sings, and even includes a faux-Busby Berkeley overhead shot. "YMCA" is mainly shots of mostly-naked men doing sports at the free recreational center. "Milkshake" is the big milk commercial number. It's supposed to be a salute to big 30's chorus numbers, with everyone in creamy white and tapping around glasses of milk, but it's so campy and badly choreographed, it's more of an unintentional parody.

What I Don't Like: Pretty much everything else. This is just a plain bad movie. Gutenberg, Perrine, and Jenner all play obnoxious, self-centered people who turn down several offers that would have helped them along but didn't fit their "want it all" image. The Village People are not only bad actors, but have no personality beyond their costumes. The movie puts so much focus on Jack and his songs and Ron and Samantha and their on-again, off-again romance, the Village People are barely seen in their own film. Nancy Walker, normally a TV and stage comedienne, was hardly the director to make sense of this idiocy (and spent most of the shoot fighting with Perrine to boot).

The dialogue is stilted, dreadful, and poorly acted by everyone. Even with the overlong two-hour running time, things still happen too easily for the characters. Every time there's a conflict, a character actor or friend who just "happens" to have connections is trotted in, and the problem is solved. There's no real struggle or downward spiral, or frankly much of a plot. It's basically hanging on the numbers and...well, if you don't like disco or the glittering high camp that is often associated with that music, you won't know what to make of sex-drenched lunacy like "Milkshake" and the onstage title song that ends the film.

The Big Finale: While I ultimately found Xanadu to be weirdly charming despite its excesses, this one is just weird. Don't touch this with a hundred-foot pole unless you're a major fan of disco, the Village People, Gutenberg, or the late 70's-early 80's camp aesthetic in general.

Home Media: Out of print on DVD and a little pricey on Blu-Ray. Streaming may be your best bet if you absolutely must see this.

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Cult Flops - Xanadu

Universal, 1980
Starring Olivia Newton-John, Michael Beck, and Gene Kelly
Directed by Robert Greenwald
Music by The Electric Light Orchestra and others

Disco was the music of the late 1970's. The whole aesthetic - the glitter, the dances, the wide-lapel suits and glittering pantsuits and dresses - permeated the entire era. It was probably inevitable that movies would be written around the craze. Saturday Night Fever turned disco into a sensation, codified by Thank God It's Friday. Unfortunately, by the time Xanadu made it out of its troubled production in August 1980, there was a major backlash against disco and its excesses. Does this movie deserve it's notoriety as one of the worst musicals ever, or does the fanciful tale of a muse and the artist she inspires still manage to make "Magic?"

The Story: Sonny Malone (Beck) has just returned to his job painting life-sized covers of rock albums to display in stores after an unsuccessful stint as a freelance artist. He hates his job, but he's decided it's the only way he'll make money...until he spies a beautiful girl (Newton-John) roller-skating in the park. She kisses him and skates away. He follows her later, meeting her in front of the dilapidated Pan-Pacific Auditorium. She tells him that her name is Kira, but won't say much else. A bit later, he meets former clarinetist Danny McGuire (Kelly) on the beach. McGuire had his own nightclub during the 1940's, but he lost his muse, and he now owns a construction company. Kira encourages the two men to form a partnership and create the nightclub of their dreams. Meanwhile, she and Sonny are getting closer. Kira, however, is not what she seems...and Sonny discovers what real love is when he literally goes to heaven and back to follow her.

The Song and Dance: This movie is one of the most bizarre musicals in existence, but it does have quite a few charms. TV Tropes accurately calls it "the nexus of 70's cheese and 80's cheese." If you want to know what the world was like as the 70's flipped to the 80's, this is a good place to start. The story is really rather sweet, and even touching, especially the side plot with McGuire. I like the nostalgia, the mixing of the 40's big-band, 70's disco, and 80's neon pop, and how each collide with and address the other. I kind of wish they could have done more with the collision of these three different eras. Kelly is wonderful as the former musician hoping to keep another artist from losing his muse and his true love. The widescreen cinematography of the real LA adds authenticity to this odd fantasy.

Favorite Number: McGuire recalls his lost muse in the lovely "Whenever You're Away From Me," a delightful and charming soft-shoe between Kelly and Newton-John that is probably the best thing in the movie. The opening number "I'm Alive," with the muses emerging from a mural, doesn't really explain much about what's going on, but looks nifty nevertheless. The best ensemble number is "Dancin'," as Danny's big-band and Sonny's 80's hard rock mix collide in their imagined club. There's some nice choreography here and some really awesome costumes.

My favorite song is Newton-John's passionate ballad "Suspended In Time," as Kira tries to explain her feelings about Sonny to her otherworldly parents. It's filmed simply, against a background of Tron-style glowing lines, and Newton-John really pours her heart into the number. This is one aspect of the movie that definitely did not deserve a Golden Raspberry. And speaking of...

Trivia: The failure of this movie and another flop disco musical released around the same time, Can't Stop the Music, inspired the Golden Raspberry Awards. They're given to the worst movie and performances of the year.

Unlike the film, the soundtrack album was one of the biggest hits of the year. Newton-John's solo "Magic" went to #1 on the US Pop chart; "Xanadu" and "Suddenly" were also major top 5 hits in the US and elsewhere.

The animated sequence "Don't Walk Away" was Don Bluth's first work on his own after he broke away from Disney.

The Pan-Pacific Auditorium had been LA's major cultural center from it's opening in 1935 until it closed in 1972. According to Wikipedia, by 1980 it was just as much of a dump as Sonny claimed. Despite efforts to remodel it and the exterior appearing in several films (including Xanadu) and music videos, it eventually burned to the ground in a fire in 1989.

A Broadway version of the show debuted in 2007. It was a surprise hit that season, playing the muse/artist plot for the campy goof it is. (It also adds several Electric Light Orchestra songs and one extra Newton-John number.)

What I Don't Like: Beck is totally out of place here. Not only is he not a singer or dancer, but his Sonny Malone is an obnoxious and egotistical jerk who thinks the world owes him something. He's so unlikable, especially in the beginning, you wonder why Kira and her sisters want to help him. He doesn't need the help; he needs a swift kick in the rear. I'd almost rather see her return to Kelly, who at least is a decent guy who treats both of his proteges well.

As charming as the campiness can be, there are times when it's all just too much. The dialogue is often stiff and sometimes just plain dumb. Some of the better songs, including "All Over the World" and the hit ballad "Suddenly," are marred by nonsensical or badly filmed numbers. While Bluth's animation for "Don't Walk Away" is nice (and foreshadows many of the effects and ideas he'd use in later films), it has nothing to do with the story and stops the movie cold. The finale, with Kira and her sisters performing at the opening of the nightclub, goes on for way, way too long.

The Big Finale: I'm going to admit it - this is an unabashed guilty pleasure of mine. I can see why it's picked up a cult following of gay men and teen girls who grew up watching it on cable. The music, style, and some good performances from Newton-John and Kelly override most of the problems with Beck, the weirder numbers, and the silly plot. If you're a fan of Newton-John or Kelly, the soundtrack, or love camp like I do, you'll want to find your muse and take a trip to Xanadu, too.

Home Media: This film's cult following has assured that it's easily available on most formats, usually for under 10 dollars.

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