Happy Halloween! - I Kissed a Vampire

Monterey Media, 2010

Starring Lucas Grabeel, Adrian Slade, Drew Seely, and Amy Paffrath

Directed by Chris Nolan

Music by Frankie Blue; Lyrics by Frankie Blue and Chris Nolan

Let's celebrate the spookiest night of the year with a teen horror musical that's so bad, it's scary. Apparently, this began as a three-part iTunes webseries of the same title in 2009. That went over so well, it was expanded into full-on musical form in 2010 and was released briefly into theaters in 2012. It was dumped onto streaming and disc shortly afterwards. I'll be honest, I never even heard of this until I started digging around for horror musicals to review for Halloween this year. Is it a diamond in the rough, or should this blood sucker be defanged? Let's begin as Dylan Knight (Grabeel) explains how he was turned into a vampire to "para-psychologist" Dr. Lori Light (Lori Lively) and find out...

The Story: Dylan's not sure how to deal with any of this, and he doesn't like what it's doing to his relationship with his sweet girlfriend Sarah Lane (Slade). He's terrified that he might lose control and hurt her. She's not sure what to think, especially since he won't tell her what's going on. He's taken under the wing of vampire rock star Trey Sylvania (Seely), who has his own harem of groupies who are addicted to him. Dylan doesn't really want to have anything to do with him, his women, or being a vampire, but he keeps insisting on showing him a good time. It's even worse when Trey brings Sarah and Dylan to his own demonic club. He manages to place Sarah under his control and turn her into a vampire too.

Dylan is so horrified with how his beloved Sarah is changing into someone he doesn't know, he takes Dr. Light's advice and brings her to Dr. Dan Helsing (Chris Coppola). Helsing doesn't know about vampires, but he does know about venom and being bitten by things you don't want sinking their fangs into you. He agrees to make a potion that will change them back into ordinary humans, if he can get a drop of their blood. Trey, however, still has her in his power. He brings both of them to his home to turn her completely to his side. His head groupie Luna Dark (Paffrath) would rather turn her into a frog, but she still agrees to make her over. The groupies have less luck seducing Dylan, who just wants Sarah and his life back. He'll have to embrace his inner vampire and confront Trey on his terms if he's ever going to bring back his girlfriend.

The Song and Dance: I do give them credit for going a little scarier than Disney ever attempted in their ZOMBIES series. This isn't a bunch of monsters dancing around and having star-crossed romances. There's real blood and gore here, and we actually see the kids being turned into vampires. 

The Numbers: We open with Trey and his band telling Dylan "Welcome to the Underworld" in his nightmare. Sarah sings about how she feels like her boyfriend has become a "Forbidden Planet" as people dance around her at the fair grounds after a date goes badly. Dylan just wants Trey to get "Outta My Head." He and Luna sing about how "Love's In Vein" at the club. All Dylan needs is just a "Little Peck" to get Sarah out of Trey's arms. Sarah explains how she needs "Just a Drop" of red to a horrified Dylan as they dance in a local steak house, and the diners dance along. "Be the Bite," says Trey. Sarah encourages Dylan to just give Dr. Helsing and his crazy potions a "Try." 

"Poison Is My Passion," Helsing explains to the kids when they ask him to make them human again. Those vampires are "Out for Blood," and all they need is a drop for that potion. They need to do it quick, because Trey can still "Feel U" and still has Sarah in his power. "I'd Kill for U," Trey tells Luna, even though they can't die. He encourages Luna and the groupies to make Sarah into a "Shiny New Vampire." Dylan is less thrilled to "Dance With Darkness" when Desiree Damned (Emily Morris) makes a play for him. Trey sings his "Forbidden Ballad" with Sarah as he pulls her further and further into his thrall. Helsing tells Dylan he has to "Dig Down Deep" to really feel Sarah. The movie ends as Sarah and Dylan live "Happily Afterlife" and embrace their vampirism in the finale under the closing credits.

What I Don't Like: This is almost more of a cheap B movie than Up In the Air. At least that made sense. There's plot holes galore here, especially if, like me, you haven't seen the web series this is based on. They barely explain how Dylan became a vampire in the first place. The dancing is terrible, with people barely moving in formation, and the filming is worse. Nolan tends to focus on the singer and not the group, which means we frequently don't get to see what half the dancers are doing. Grabeel's whiny Dylan loses any charm points he might have picked up in the High School Musical films and is too sweet to be a brooding vampire. Luna hints about Trey being the "Prince of Darkness," but they don't really go further into it. Trey's a flat-out jerk, to the point where you wonder how all those groupies can stand to be around him, and Slade is blank and has little to do even when she's not in a vampire's thrall. The music is silly, bland, and not at all memorable. 

The Big Finale: Only for the most ardent 13-15-year-old horror or High School Musical enthusiasts. Anyone else can pass this blood sucker by without another thought. There are better ways to spend your Halloween.

Home Media: Can be found all over streaming. Tubi currently has it for free with commercials. The DVD isn't that cheap at press time.

DVD

Tubi

Up In the Air (1940)

Monogram Pictures, 1940

Starring Frankie Darro, Mantan Moreland, Marjorie Reynolds, and Gordon Jones

Directed by Howard Bretherton

Music and Lyrics by various

Our first Halloween musical takes us back into B-territory for this radio-set thriller. We saw the funny side of the big radio business with Wake Up and Live, but this one gives us another common radio genre - the mystery. Whether private eye yarns like I Love a Mystery or Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar or thriller anthologies like Lights Out or Inner Sanctum, radio probably did mysteries better than any other genre save soap operas. Darro had been bouncing around the studios since he was a child actor in the early 30's, but he found his niche at Monogram in the late 30's and 40's playing wise guys and tough youngsters. Here, he and popular black comedian Moreland play two comedians whose chance at radio stardom may end up being compromised by a murderer loose at the station. Let's start at the building that houses Amalgamated Broadcasting Company in Los Angeles and see how all of this plays out...

The Story: Frankie Ryan (Darro) is smitten with the station's receptionist Anne Mason (Reynolds), to the point where he even sets up a fake audition so the manager B.J Hastings (Dick Elliot) can hear hear sing. He's just a page right now, but he and his porter buddy Jeff Jefferson (Moreland) really want to be comedians with their own show. Hastings has his own problems. The station's diva singer and top draw, Rita Wilson (Lorna Gray), was killed when the lights went out during a rehearsal of her show. Detective Lieutenant Marty Philips (Clyde Dilson) first thinks country singer Tex Barton (Jones) did the dirty deed. When he too is killed, Frankie and Jeff break into his room and discover evidence that seemingly incriminates Anne. The two have to find out who really did it, before Anne's career in show business ends even more abruptly than Rita's, and they all end up dead or in jail.

The Song and Dance: Moreland and Darro are really the ones who carry this hilarious and occasionally twisty mystery. Dilson does have some good moments as the cop who wishes Frankie would pipe down and let him do his job. Ralph Peters may be even funnier as his dim-witted partner Detective Delany. Jones is charming and sings well enough in his brief number to make you regret when he's taken out half-way through the movie. 

The Numbers: We start off with that fake audition, the jaunty "By the Looks of Things" for Anne. "Doin' the Conga" is heard twice. Rita starts singing it at the rehearsal, but is cut off when the lights go out. Anne finally gets through the whole song in the finale. Jeff gets a brief but very cute soft-shoe dance to an instrumental number about half-way through as he and Frankie discuss their act. Barton auditions with the traditional "Bury Me Not In the Lone Prairie." Anne's other big solo is her actual audition, the ballad "Somehow or Other."

What I Don't Like: On one hand, just a black man and a white man doing a routine together as equal partners is a surprise for 1940. Jeff even protests doing a stereotypical accent at one point. However, their routine is pretty stereotypical, and it's even worse when Frankie ends up in blackface at one point. For all Frankie's affection for her, Anne doesn't have much to do besides her numbers. While I do appreciate the twist in the end, I kind of wish it didn't feel so last-moment. You probably won't guess who the killer is from the clues given. Even Frankie admitted he didn't. 

The Big Finale: If you can deal with some of the dated humor and content, this isn't a bad way to spend an hour for fans of vintage mysteries or small-scale 40's musicals.

Home Media: Easy to find pretty much anywhere online, usually for free with commercials.

Tubi

Those Redheads from Seattle

Paramount/Pine-Thomas Productions, 1953

Starring Rhonda Fleming, Gene Barry, Teresa Brewer, and Agnes Moorehead

Directed by Lewis R. Foster

Music and Lyrics by various

This is another lesser-known film with a lot of history behind it. It was the only musical made by Paramount's B-movie unit Pine-Thomas, and one of their most lavish productions up to that point. Along with the Technicolor, it reflected another major trend of the time. Movie makers had experimented with 3-D films - that is, making a film look like it had three dimensions and could jump off the screen - since the dawn of cinema, but it really took off after innovations in the 50's made the images easier to watch, even in the cardboard-and-plastic glasses required for the effect. 

Leading lady Fleming had become known both for 3-D and Technicolor by the time Pine-Thomas put together what would become the screen's first 3-D musical, beating MGM's Kiss Me Kate to theaters by a month. Brewer, who was one of the most popular singers in the country in the early 50's, was snapped up after Arlene Dahl fell through. How do they and Barry fit into the story of the redheads of the title who make their way in the gold-rush Alaska of 1898? Let's begin in Alaska as a man is killed and find out...

The Story: That man is Vance Edmonds (Frank Wilcox), the owner of the newspaper in Fairbanks. His wife (Moorehead) and their four daughters come down from Seattle to live with him, only to find he's dead and they have no money. Oldest daughter Katherine (Fleming) takes over her father's position as the head of the paper. Middle daughter Patricia (Brewer) is determined to sing on the stage. Connie (Cynthia Bell) nurses the men hurt in gunfights. Youngest Nell (Kay Bell) is more interested in taking care of her many kittens than a career. 

Katherine is convinced that shady Johnny Kisko (Barry), the owner of the Fairbanks saloon, killed her father. She fills her newspaper with articles speaking out against him and corruption in general. Her mother is shocked with Pat, desperate for a singing career, takes a job at the saloon. Katherine agrees to marry the kindly Reverend Louis Petrie (William Pullen), despite her not really loving him. Pat, despite being shunned by her family, knows who is really responsible for their father's death. Katherine ends up pursuing Johnny across the snow-covered Alaskan landscape to save him from being attacked by his partner Joe Keenan (Guy Mitchell), who isn't as innocent as his clear-as-a bell singing voice.

The Song and Dance: This wound up being a real surprise. It's a robust, enjoyable north-western with a strong plot and a great cast. Fleming is as fiery as her hair as the crusading journalist who is determined to take down her father's murderer, even if she doesn't check all the facts first. Barry oozes smarmy charm as Johnny. Brewer, in her only movie, isn't at their level, but is funny enough, especially in her numbers. The brilliant color and gorgeous costumes leap off the screen even without the 3-D gimmick. 

The Numbers: Our first song isn't until nearly 10 minutes into the movie, but it's Pat singing "Mr. Banjo Man" in her blue petticoat and undergarments. Connie and Katie are shocked at first, but Pat eventually has them joining in, wearing rouge and doing can-cans too. Connie and Nell perform a spoof of old-time melodrama at a family party, "Take Back Your Gold." We don't get another number until almost mid-way though the movie, but it's our first chorus routine at the saloon, Joe's lively "Chick-a-Boom." Brewer ended up having a hit with the second saloon chorus number. "Baby, Baby, Baby" is more unique, with Pat stepping out of a curtain lined with lovely lady arms and legs clad in sherbet-colored gloves and stockings. Despite the romantic backdrop and Joe handing her a bouquet, Pat's not really feeling "I Guess It Was You All the Time" after her family shuns her.

Trivia: This was Paramount's first wide-screen movie. 

There was to have been a duet for Barry and Fleming at the campfire during the sled trip, "Once More," but it was cut from the film for time.

This would be Brewer's only movie, and the first of two movies for the Bell Sisters. 

What I Don't Like: It's the backdrops that reveal this movie's B-origins all too plainly. The "Alaskan snow fields" are frequently projected backgrounds and look as fake as they are, especially on modern TVs and computers. Despite this being 3-D, you'd never know it from how flat this all is. Frankly, the ending seems way too sudden. Katie's about-face on Johnny comes too little, too late. She goes from wanting to see him hanged to chasing after him almost in the blink of an eye. Despite the popularity of "Baby, Baby, Baby," the music is no great shakes...and I really wish this could have been even more of a musical, with more numbers for the sisters together and "Once More" restored to show just when Katie started to have feelings for Johnny. 

The Big Finale: A surprising gem with a lot to offer for fans of Brewer, Fleming, or the rousing Technicolor westerns and historical musicals of the 1950's. 

Home Media: Kino Lorber restored the 3-D version on disc in 2017, though DVD and Blu-Ray are both on currently on the pricey side. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

Bright Lights (1930)

First National/Warner Bros, 1930

Starring Dorothy Mackaill, Frank Fay, Noah Beery, and Frank McHugh

Directed by Michael Curtiz

Music and Lyrics by various

I know I said two weeks ago that I would cover The Magic of Lassie, but I thought a cozy family film felt more suitable for next month. We're bumping that in favor of something slightly darker from the early talkie era. Dorothy Mackaill started out dancing in the chorus in her native England and in Ziegfeld's Midnight Frolic revue before moving to Hollywood. By 1930, she was one of the top stars at First National, having made a smooth transition to sound the year before in The Barker. Warners was also still trying to push veteran master of ceremonies Frank Fay as a leading man after their revue Show of Shows. How well do he and Mackaill do with this unique blend of backstage numbers and murder mystery? Let's begin on opening night of the Broadway show Bright Lights outside of the Savoy Theater and find out...

The Story: Louanne (Mackaill) is on the verge of marrying wealthy Emerson Fairchild ( instead of the man she really loves, her co-star in the show Wally Dean (Fay). She tells all the reporters there to interview her, including very drunk Fish (McHugh), the story of her life...or claims she does. In reality, she started out as a singer and dancer in a low-class cafe until Portuguese smuggler Miguel Parada (Beery) attacked her. Wally manages to save her from a riot. He gives her a job dancing the hula in his side show act and once again saves her life. 

Miguel turns up at the theater, still leering at her and claiming he has "unfinished business." Wally turns up, pretending to have a gun. Trouble is, Manuel has a real one, and he's not messing around. Wally's friend Connie (James Murray) is supposed to watch him, but Manuel turns the gun on him instead. When he's killed in the ensuing brawl, Wally, Louanne, Connie, and Fish have to do some quick thinking in order to convince the police that Miguel's death was nothing more than the suicide of a criminal.

The Song and Dance: For all the song and dance, this is actually a fairly dark story for the early talkie era. It's definitely one of the more original early backstage tales. Mackaill shows why she was able to transition easily into talkies with her decent dancing and charming slightly British accent (even if her singing isn't the best). McHugh has some good moments as the reporter who questions her story and may not be quite as drunk as he appears at first. There's at least one good song, too, Fay's jaunty ballad "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue." 

The Numbers: We see the audience arriving for the big opener "Wall Street." In some ways, this almost seems like a run-up to the finale of "42nd Street" a few years later. Inez Courtney taps, fake money flies through the air, and we even get some overhead dance formations at one point. Louanne tells the reporters that she was interested in "wildlife" as a child...and then we see the wildlife that really interested her, an audience of leering South African traders eagerly ogling her as she performs the bluesy "Song of the Congo." Wally gets the film's best number as his solo at the low-down club, "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue." 

Louanne's friend Peggy North (Inez Courtney) gets "Every Little Girl He Sees," an odd tribute to college musicals with the chorus in letter sweaters and pulling out college pennants. The African motif returns for the big chorus routine "I'm Crazy for Cannibal Love," complete with chorus girls hauling spears and shields in huge feathered headdresses. The chorus girls kick behind Wally during "All the Pretty Girls I Know"...which is interrupted by the sound of a gun shot backstage. Louanne starts out in a top hat and cane dancing with chorus girls in "Man About Town," but she eventually comes back in a gown to dance with chorus boys. 

Trivia: This was originally filmed in Technicolor, but only a fragment of the original color exists. Current copies (including the ones on Tubi and on the Warner Archives DVD) are in black and white.

What I Don't Like: Other than "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue," most of the songs are up tempo dance routines that pretty much blend into one another. Fay is a problem. He does do well by "Blue," but otherwise is nowhere near Mackaill or Beery's levels and frankly comes off as whiny and annoying. Courtney doesn't have that much to do besides her numbers until she joins the others in lying to the police to save Louanne in the end. There's the loss of the color, too. It makes everyone look like over painted figurines, especially the men.

The Big Finale: Mackaill and the relatively unique story makes this worth checking out for fans of early talkie musicals or backstage yarns.

Home Media: On Warner Archives DVD paired with another Dorothy Mackaill late 20's-early 30's feature, The Reckless Hour. It being in the public domain means it's now all over streaming, too.

DVD - Dorothy Mackaill Pre-Code Double Feature: The Reckless Hour/Bright Lights

Tubi