Happy Halloween! - I Kissed a Vampire

Monterey Media, 2010

Starring Lucas Grabeel, Adrian Slade, Drew Seely, and Amy Paffrath

Directed by Chris Nolan

Music by Frankie Blue; Lyrics by Frankie Blue and Chris Nolan

Let's celebrate the spookiest night of the year with a teen horror musical that's so bad, it's scary. Apparently, this began as a three-part iTunes webseries of the same title in 2009. That went over so well, it was expanded into full-on musical form in 2010 and was released briefly into theaters in 2012. It was dumped onto streaming and disc shortly afterwards. I'll be honest, I never even heard of this until I started digging around for horror musicals to review for Halloween this year. Is it a diamond in the rough, or should this blood sucker be defanged? Let's begin as Dylan Knight (Grabeel) explains how he was turned into a vampire to "para-psychologist" Dr. Lori Light (Lori Lively) and find out...

The Story: Dylan's not sure how to deal with any of this, and he doesn't like what it's doing to his relationship with his sweet girlfriend Sarah Lane (Slade). He's terrified that he might lose control and hurt her. She's not sure what to think, especially since he won't tell her what's going on. He's taken under the wing of vampire rock star Trey Sylvania (Seely), who has his own harem of groupies who are addicted to him. Dylan doesn't really want to have anything to do with him, his women, or being a vampire, but he keeps insisting on showing him a good time. It's even worse when Trey brings Sarah and Dylan to his own demonic club. He manages to place Sarah under his control and turn her into a vampire too.

Dylan is so horrified with how his beloved Sarah is changing into someone he doesn't know, he takes Dr. Light's advice and brings her to Dr. Dan Helsing (Chris Coppola). Helsing doesn't know about vampires, but he does know about venom and being bitten by things you don't want sinking their fangs into you. He agrees to make a potion that will change them back into ordinary humans, if he can get a drop of their blood. Trey, however, still has her in his power. He brings both of them to his home to turn her completely to his side. His head groupie Luna Dark (Paffrath) would rather turn her into a frog, but she still agrees to make her over. The groupies have less luck seducing Dylan, who just wants Sarah and his life back. He'll have to embrace his inner vampire and confront Trey on his terms if he's ever going to bring back his girlfriend.

The Song and Dance: I do give them credit for going a little scarier than Disney ever attempted in their ZOMBIES series. This isn't a bunch of monsters dancing around and having star-crossed romances. There's real blood and gore here, and we actually see the kids being turned into vampires. 

The Numbers: We open with Trey and his band telling Dylan "Welcome to the Underworld" in his nightmare. Sarah sings about how she feels like her boyfriend has become a "Forbidden Planet" as people dance around her at the fair grounds after a date goes badly. Dylan just wants Trey to get "Outta My Head." He and Luna sing about how "Love's In Vein" at the club. All Dylan needs is just a "Little Peck" to get Sarah out of Trey's arms. Sarah explains how she needs "Just a Drop" of red to a horrified Dylan as they dance in a local steak house, and the diners dance along. "Be the Bite," says Trey. Sarah encourages Dylan to just give Dr. Helsing and his crazy potions a "Try." 

"Poison Is My Passion," Helsing explains to the kids when they ask him to make them human again. Those vampires are "Out for Blood," and all they need is a drop for that potion. They need to do it quick, because Trey can still "Feel U" and still has Sarah in his power. "I'd Kill for U," Trey tells Luna, even though they can't die. He encourages Luna and the groupies to make Sarah into a "Shiny New Vampire." Dylan is less thrilled to "Dance With Darkness" when Desiree Damned (Emily Morris) makes a play for him. Trey sings his "Forbidden Ballad" with Sarah as he pulls her further and further into his thrall. Helsing tells Dylan he has to "Dig Down Deep" to really feel Sarah. The movie ends as Sarah and Dylan live "Happily Afterlife" and embrace their vampirism in the finale under the closing credits.

What I Don't Like: This is almost more of a cheap B movie than Up In the Air. At least that made sense. There's plot holes galore here, especially if, like me, you haven't seen the web series this is based on. They barely explain how Dylan became a vampire in the first place. The dancing is terrible, with people barely moving in formation, and the filming is worse. Nolan tends to focus on the singer and not the group, which means we frequently don't get to see what half the dancers are doing. Grabeel's whiny Dylan loses any charm points he might have picked up in the High School Musical films and is too sweet to be a brooding vampire. Luna hints about Trey being the "Prince of Darkness," but they don't really go further into it. Trey's a flat-out jerk, to the point where you wonder how all those groupies can stand to be around him, and Slade is blank and has little to do even when she's not in a vampire's thrall. The music is silly, bland, and not at all memorable. 

The Big Finale: Only for the most ardent 13-15-year-old horror or High School Musical enthusiasts. Anyone else can pass this blood sucker by without another thought. There are better ways to spend your Halloween.

Home Media: Can be found all over streaming. Tubi currently has it for free with commercials. The DVD isn't that cheap at press time.

DVD

Tubi

Up In the Air (1940)

Monogram Pictures, 1940

Starring Frankie Darro, Mantan Moreland, Marjorie Reynolds, and Gordon Jones

Directed by Howard Bretherton

Music and Lyrics by various

Our first Halloween musical takes us back into B-territory for this radio-set thriller. We saw the funny side of the big radio business with Wake Up and Live, but this one gives us another common radio genre - the mystery. Whether private eye yarns like I Love a Mystery or Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar or thriller anthologies like Lights Out or Inner Sanctum, radio probably did mysteries better than any other genre save soap operas. Darro had been bouncing around the studios since he was a child actor in the early 30's, but he found his niche at Monogram in the late 30's and 40's playing wise guys and tough youngsters. Here, he and popular black comedian Moreland play two comedians whose chance at radio stardom may end up being compromised by a murderer loose at the station. Let's start at the building that houses Amalgamated Broadcasting Company in Los Angeles and see how all of this plays out...

The Story: Frankie Ryan (Darro) is smitten with the station's receptionist Anne Mason (Reynolds), to the point where he even sets up a fake audition so the manager B.J Hastings (Dick Elliot) can hear hear sing. He's just a page right now, but he and his porter buddy Jeff Jefferson (Moreland) really want to be comedians with their own show. Hastings has his own problems. The station's diva singer and top draw, Rita Wilson (Lorna Gray), was killed when the lights went out during a rehearsal of her show. Detective Lieutenant Marty Philips (Clyde Dilson) first thinks country singer Tex Barton (Jones) did the dirty deed. When he too is killed, Frankie and Jeff break into his room and discover evidence that seemingly incriminates Anne. The two have to find out who really did it, before Anne's career in show business ends even more abruptly than Rita's, and they all end up dead or in jail.

The Song and Dance: Moreland and Darro are really the ones who carry this hilarious and occasionally twisty mystery. Dilson does have some good moments as the cop who wishes Frankie would pipe down and let him do his job. Ralph Peters may be even funnier as his dim-witted partner Detective Delany. Jones is charming and sings well enough in his brief number to make you regret when he's taken out half-way through the movie. 

The Numbers: We start off with that fake audition, the jaunty "By the Looks of Things" for Anne. "Doin' the Conga" is heard twice. Rita starts singing it at the rehearsal, but is cut off when the lights go out. Anne finally gets through the whole song in the finale. Jeff gets a brief but very cute soft-shoe dance to an instrumental number about half-way through as he and Frankie discuss their act. Barton auditions with the traditional "Bury Me Not In the Lone Prairie." Anne's other big solo is her actual audition, the ballad "Somehow or Other."

What I Don't Like: On one hand, just a black man and a white man doing a routine together as equal partners is a surprise for 1940. Jeff even protests doing a stereotypical accent at one point. However, their routine is pretty stereotypical, and it's even worse when Frankie ends up in blackface at one point. For all Frankie's affection for her, Anne doesn't have much to do besides her numbers. While I do appreciate the twist in the end, I kind of wish it didn't feel so last-moment. You probably won't guess who the killer is from the clues given. Even Frankie admitted he didn't. 

The Big Finale: If you can deal with some of the dated humor and content, this isn't a bad way to spend an hour for fans of vintage mysteries or small-scale 40's musicals.

Home Media: Easy to find pretty much anywhere online, usually for free with commercials.

Tubi

Those Redheads from Seattle

Paramount/Pine-Thomas Productions, 1953

Starring Rhonda Fleming, Gene Barry, Teresa Brewer, and Agnes Moorehead

Directed by Lewis R. Foster

Music and Lyrics by various

This is another lesser-known film with a lot of history behind it. It was the only musical made by Paramount's B-movie unit Pine-Thomas, and one of their most lavish productions up to that point. Along with the Technicolor, it reflected another major trend of the time. Movie makers had experimented with 3-D films - that is, making a film look like it had three dimensions and could jump off the screen - since the dawn of cinema, but it really took off after innovations in the 50's made the images easier to watch, even in the cardboard-and-plastic glasses required for the effect. 

Leading lady Fleming had become known both for 3-D and Technicolor by the time Pine-Thomas put together what would become the screen's first 3-D musical, beating MGM's Kiss Me Kate to theaters by a month. Brewer, who was one of the most popular singers in the country in the early 50's, was snapped up after Arlene Dahl fell through. How do they and Barry fit into the story of the redheads of the title who make their way in the gold-rush Alaska of 1898? Let's begin in Alaska as a man is killed and find out...

The Story: That man is Vance Edmonds (Frank Wilcox), the owner of the newspaper in Fairbanks. His wife (Moorehead) and their four daughters come down from Seattle to live with him, only to find he's dead and they have no money. Oldest daughter Katherine (Fleming) takes over her father's position as the head of the paper. Middle daughter Patricia (Brewer) is determined to sing on the stage. Connie (Cynthia Bell) nurses the men hurt in gunfights. Youngest Nell (Kay Bell) is more interested in taking care of her many kittens than a career. 

Katherine is convinced that shady Johnny Kisko (Barry), the owner of the Fairbanks saloon, killed her father. She fills her newspaper with articles speaking out against him and corruption in general. Her mother is shocked with Pat, desperate for a singing career, takes a job at the saloon. Katherine agrees to marry the kindly Reverend Louis Petrie (William Pullen), despite her not really loving him. Pat, despite being shunned by her family, knows who is really responsible for their father's death. Katherine ends up pursuing Johnny across the snow-covered Alaskan landscape to save him from being attacked by his partner Joe Keenan (Guy Mitchell), who isn't as innocent as his clear-as-a bell singing voice.

The Song and Dance: This wound up being a real surprise. It's a robust, enjoyable north-western with a strong plot and a great cast. Fleming is as fiery as her hair as the crusading journalist who is determined to take down her father's murderer, even if she doesn't check all the facts first. Barry oozes smarmy charm as Johnny. Brewer, in her only movie, isn't at their level, but is funny enough, especially in her numbers. The brilliant color and gorgeous costumes leap off the screen even without the 3-D gimmick. 

The Numbers: Our first song isn't until nearly 10 minutes into the movie, but it's Pat singing "Mr. Banjo Man" in her blue petticoat and undergarments. Connie and Katie are shocked at first, but Pat eventually has them joining in, wearing rouge and doing can-cans too. Connie and Nell perform a spoof of old-time melodrama at a family party, "Take Back Your Gold." We don't get another number until almost mid-way though the movie, but it's our first chorus routine at the saloon, Joe's lively "Chick-a-Boom." Brewer ended up having a hit with the second saloon chorus number. "Baby, Baby, Baby" is more unique, with Pat stepping out of a curtain lined with lovely lady arms and legs clad in sherbet-colored gloves and stockings. Despite the romantic backdrop and Joe handing her a bouquet, Pat's not really feeling "I Guess It Was You All the Time" after her family shuns her.

Trivia: This was Paramount's first wide-screen movie. 

There was to have been a duet for Barry and Fleming at the campfire during the sled trip, "Once More," but it was cut from the film for time.

This would be Brewer's only movie, and the first of two movies for the Bell Sisters. 

What I Don't Like: It's the backdrops that reveal this movie's B-origins all too plainly. The "Alaskan snow fields" are frequently projected backgrounds and look as fake as they are, especially on modern TVs and computers. Despite this being 3-D, you'd never know it from how flat this all is. Frankly, the ending seems way too sudden. Katie's about-face on Johnny comes too little, too late. She goes from wanting to see him hanged to chasing after him almost in the blink of an eye. Despite the popularity of "Baby, Baby, Baby," the music is no great shakes...and I really wish this could have been even more of a musical, with more numbers for the sisters together and "Once More" restored to show just when Katie started to have feelings for Johnny. 

The Big Finale: A surprising gem with a lot to offer for fans of Brewer, Fleming, or the rousing Technicolor westerns and historical musicals of the 1950's. 

Home Media: Kino Lorber restored the 3-D version on disc in 2017, though DVD and Blu-Ray are both on currently on the pricey side. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

Bright Lights (1930)

First National/Warner Bros, 1930

Starring Dorothy Mackaill, Frank Fay, Noah Beery, and Frank McHugh

Directed by Michael Curtiz

Music and Lyrics by various

I know I said two weeks ago that I would cover The Magic of Lassie, but I thought a cozy family film felt more suitable for next month. We're bumping that in favor of something slightly darker from the early talkie era. Dorothy Mackaill started out dancing in the chorus in her native England and in Ziegfeld's Midnight Frolic revue before moving to Hollywood. By 1930, she was one of the top stars at First National, having made a smooth transition to sound the year before in The Barker. Warners was also still trying to push veteran master of ceremonies Frank Fay as a leading man after their revue Show of Shows. How well do he and Mackaill do with this unique blend of backstage numbers and murder mystery? Let's begin on opening night of the Broadway show Bright Lights outside of the Savoy Theater and find out...

The Story: Louanne (Mackaill) is on the verge of marrying wealthy Emerson Fairchild ( instead of the man she really loves, her co-star in the show Wally Dean (Fay). She tells all the reporters there to interview her, including very drunk Fish (McHugh), the story of her life...or claims she does. In reality, she started out as a singer and dancer in a low-class cafe until Portuguese smuggler Miguel Parada (Beery) attacked her. Wally manages to save her from a riot. He gives her a job dancing the hula in his side show act and once again saves her life. 

Miguel turns up at the theater, still leering at her and claiming he has "unfinished business." Wally turns up, pretending to have a gun. Trouble is, Manuel has a real one, and he's not messing around. Wally's friend Connie (James Murray) is supposed to watch him, but Manuel turns the gun on him instead. When he's killed in the ensuing brawl, Wally, Louanne, Connie, and Fish have to do some quick thinking in order to convince the police that Miguel's death was nothing more than the suicide of a criminal.

The Song and Dance: For all the song and dance, this is actually a fairly dark story for the early talkie era. It's definitely one of the more original early backstage tales. Mackaill shows why she was able to transition easily into talkies with her decent dancing and charming slightly British accent (even if her singing isn't the best). McHugh has some good moments as the reporter who questions her story and may not be quite as drunk as he appears at first. There's at least one good song, too, Fay's jaunty ballad "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue." 

The Numbers: We see the audience arriving for the big opener "Wall Street." In some ways, this almost seems like a run-up to the finale of "42nd Street" a few years later. Inez Courtney taps, fake money flies through the air, and we even get some overhead dance formations at one point. Louanne tells the reporters that she was interested in "wildlife" as a child...and then we see the wildlife that really interested her, an audience of leering South African traders eagerly ogling her as she performs the bluesy "Song of the Congo." Wally gets the film's best number as his solo at the low-down club, "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue." 

Louanne's friend Peggy North (Inez Courtney) gets "Every Little Girl He Sees," an odd tribute to college musicals with the chorus in letter sweaters and pulling out college pennants. The African motif returns for the big chorus routine "I'm Crazy for Cannibal Love," complete with chorus girls hauling spears and shields in huge feathered headdresses. The chorus girls kick behind Wally during "All the Pretty Girls I Know"...which is interrupted by the sound of a gun shot backstage. Louanne starts out in a top hat and cane dancing with chorus girls in "Man About Town," but she eventually comes back in a gown to dance with chorus boys. 

Trivia: This was originally filmed in Technicolor, but only a fragment of the original color exists. Current copies (including the ones on Tubi and on the Warner Archives DVD) are in black and white.

What I Don't Like: Other than "Nobody Cares If I'm Blue," most of the songs are up tempo dance routines that pretty much blend into one another. Fay is a problem. He does do well by "Blue," but otherwise is nowhere near Mackaill or Beery's levels and frankly comes off as whiny and annoying. Courtney doesn't have that much to do besides her numbers until she joins the others in lying to the police to save Louanne in the end. There's the loss of the color, too. It makes everyone look like over painted figurines, especially the men.

The Big Finale: Mackaill and the relatively unique story makes this worth checking out for fans of early talkie musicals or backstage yarns.

Home Media: On Warner Archives DVD paired with another Dorothy Mackaill late 20's-early 30's feature, The Reckless Hour. It being in the public domain means it's now all over streaming, too.

DVD - Dorothy Mackaill Pre-Code Double Feature: The Reckless Hour/Bright Lights

Tubi

Family Fun Musicals - So Dear to My Heart

Disney/RKO, 1948

Starring Bobby Driscoll, Beluah Bondi, Burl Ives, and Luana Patten

Directed by Harold D. Schuster and Hamilton Luske

Music and Lyrics by various

First of all, Musical Dreams Movie Reviews will be going on hiatus next week for vacation. Reviews will resume October 8th with another lesser-known family film, The Magic of Lassie. 

With that out of the way, let's get to our last review before vacation. So Dear to My Heart was dear to Walt Disney in many ways. Its Midwestern setting reflected his own early 1900's childhood in Missouri and brought back happy memories on his family's farm with his brother. He wanted it to be fully live-action, but RKO, his distributor at the time, insisted Disney was too associated with animation. The short cartoon sequences here wound up being the compromise. It was a hit at the time, but how does it look today, when less rosy Disney films - in live-action and animation and both - have come and gone? Let's begin as so many fully animated Disney films do, with a beautiful old book opening. This one is found in a musty, dusty attic, and it's not a storybook, but a scrapbook that once belonged to young Jeremiah Kincaid (Driscoll) filled with all his dreams and hopes as a young lad growing up in early 1900's Indiana.

The Story: One of those hopes is to someday own a champion race horse like Dan Patch. His practical Granny (Bondi) would rather he focus on his chores in the here and now. Jerry thinks he's found a way to make his dream come true when he adopts a black lamb that was rejected by its mother. He even names him Danny. He wants Danny to win a blue ribbon at the county fair, but his grandmother and Uncle Hiram (Ives) don't have the money for a train. He and his friend Tildy (Patten) do manage to find honey to sell for the tickets, but then Tlldy gets lost and Danny runs away. 

Granny scolds Jerry for putting the awards he could win with Danny over the welfare of his friend and his pet. She finally realizes how much he loves Danny when he does find him and claims he'd be ready to give up his dreams to find his pet. Even after they make it to the fair, Danny's still making trouble...but it's the judge at the fair (Harry Carey) who realizes just how special the little lamb is, whether he's black, white, or any color in between.

The Animation: Looks pretty much like the package films released in the late 40's. It's colorful, the owl moves well, and the animation does at least somewhat resemble the cut-out "scraps" in Jerry's book. It's not the most lavish animation they ever did, not even to the degree of their previous live action/animated hybrid Song of the South, but it works with the film. 

The Song and Dance: I don't know why Disney doesn't pay more attention to this one. This is such a charming movie! As adorable as the kids are, Bondi and Ives are the real stand-outs as the crusty old woman who wishes her grandson would focus on practical matters and her laid-back brother. They have so much fun with "Lavender Blue" and dancing with the kids afterwards, no wonder "Blue" was nominated for an Oscar. 

The Numbers: We begin with our first animated sequence, which illustrates the seasons John Beal croons about in the title song via the scraps in Jerry's book. Uncle Hiram briefly sings "Ol' Dan Patch" as he drives the kids home in his wagon after seeing the famous race horse. Our first of three animated sequences with the Old Wise Owl who illustrates sayings is the catchy "It's Whatcha Do With What You Got." The Owl assures the animated Danny by reminding him David once toppled giants despite being smaller. 

Hiram attempts to put his sister in a better frame of mind about the fair with the lovely ballad "Lavender Blue." Granny joins him for "Where Have You Been, Billy Boy?" (in a far more attractive voice than you might think), and they grab the kids for a hilarious square dance around the cabin. When Granny still won't let him go to the fair, he once again imagines Wise Old Owl singing stories. This time, he talks about men with "Stick-it-Tivity" like Christopher Columbus and Robert Bruce. Wise Old Owl also joins the animated bird chorus to herald their arrival at the "County Fair." The film ends with a reprise of "It's Whatcha Do With Whatcha Got." 

Trivia: Last film of Harry Carey. The movie was filmed in 1946, but he was long gone by the time it finally made it into theaters early in 1949. 

First feature-length film to run on The Disney Channel, which is how I heard of this in the first place. I remember it ran a lot on The Disney Channel in the 80's and early 90's. 

What I Don't Like: This is a very sentimental and nostalgic story.  If you don't feel the same way Walt did about sentiment or the rosy past, you probably won't be into this. I don't know how much young kids would be into it today, despite the cute lamb. The animated sequences are cute for what they are, but too brief. Song of the South did far more with its animated characters. The movie also pushes its religious convictions and Danny being an outsider because of his black wool a bit hard, and both might be a tiny bit uncomfortable for some audiences nowadays. 

The Big Finale: A sweet underrated gem from Disney that really should be better-known nowadays. If you think your kids can handle the slow pace and the storm sequence, give this one a try.

Home Media: Alas, to date, the only way you can get this one in North America is on streaming (and surprisingly, not on Disney Plus). The discs were released exclusively through the Disney Movie Club and can be hard to find today.

Amazon Prime

YouTube

Cult Flops - Dancing Pirate

RKO/Pioneer Pictures, 1936

Starring Charles Collins, Steffi Duna, Frank Morgan, and Luis Alberni

Directed by Lloyd Corrigan

Music by Richard Rodgers; Lyrics by Lorenz Hart

Now for one of the most peculiar cult flops I've ever seen. It's not scary, like The Rocky Horror Picture Show, or inherently offensive or badly made, like Golden Dawn. In fact, it's history. This was the second feature-length film made in two-strip Technicolor after the comedy Becky Sharp in 1935, and the first musical. In a way, this odd little film could be thought of as the ancestor of all those MGM and 20th Century Fox Technicolor extravaganzas set in the past that flooded theaters in the 40's and 50's. How well does the story of a dancing teacher in 1820's Boston who ends up literally teaching dance to Spanish ladies to save his life look nowadays? Let's begin in Boston, as dancing master Jonathan Pride (Collins) teaches the well-to-do of the city how to dance the scandalous waltz, and find out...

The Story: Jonathan is supposed to be on his way to visit a relative, but he's shanghaied by pirates and is forced to work for them. He manages to escape off the coast of Spanish California, where the overly anxious residents of a small town think he's a pirate and they're being invaded. It doesn't help that he ends up in the home of the town's mayor Don Emilio Perena (Morgan) and Perena's niece Serafina (Duna) thinks he's after her. 

Don Emilio and the town jailer Pamfilo (Alberni) order him hung, until he shows them what he can do. Serafina insists on waltzing lessons. She protests how close they are at first, but gradually falls in love with Jonathan. Trouble is, she already has a suitor, the wealthy Captain of the Guards Don Balthazar (Victor Varconi). What they don't know is Don Balthazar was fired from the Army and is looking to loot the town with his men. Jonathan rounds up the local Native population, using a war dance to convince them that the best way to get what everyone wants is to clear out this phony before he marries Serefina and his men take over the town.

The Song and Dance: There's a lot to like here. For one thing, I'm glad they found the color in 2015 after it was lost for 80 years. The color copy currently on Tubi is stunning, a decent restoration with colors that really pop. For another, this is one of the most unique musicals I've ever seen. You just don't see a lot of movies, let alone musicals, that combine pirates (briefly), Native uprisings, swashbuckling heroics, big chorus numbers, bandits, mistaken identity, and a historical setting that doesn't often turn up outside of the Zorro franchise. The dancing genuinely is that good, especially Jonathan's solos. 

The Numbers: We open in Jonathan's Boston dance studio with his students doing awkward waltzing to a tinkling music box. Jonathan does a solo to an instrumental "Yankee Doodle" to show them how it's done. He literally dances for his life to prove that he's a dancing teacher on the noose platform as the mayor and jailer want to hang him just for some excitement. Serefina performs "Are You My Love?" outside Jonathan's door and in her room as they both prepare for the dancing lesson. Jonathan is so impressed with her flamenco solo to a Spanish-language song that he wonders why she needs to learn dance from him. 

He does teach her the waltz using his music box, but the moment he touches her waist, she thinks he's being improper, and he ends up back in jail. She finally works on it with her servant and realizes that it's dancing, not impropriety. He sings "When You're Dancing the Waltz" to her in a moonlit courtyard...and they're so lovely, everyone in the town joins in and turns it into a huge production number. Jonathan's "War Dance" is contrasted to the pious Spanish hymn the townspeople perform as they enter the church for Serefina and Don Balthazar's wedding. The move ends with another lavish, cape-flourishing chorus number to "When You're Dancing the Waltz." 

What I Don't Like: This can get a little too unique at times. It feels like a mish-mash of ideas someone just threw together that would look nice in color. Despite the title, the pirates appear for all of five minutes in the beginning of the movie. We have the townspeople continually insisting that Jonathan is a pirate, despite his protests to the contrary, Jonathan teaching the ladies to dance, and when Don Balthazar and his men show up in the second half. That would be enough for three normal historical musicals, and none of those stories really have much to do with one another. 

Not to mention, for a movie called Dancing Pirate, there could have been a lot more music. There are only two Rodgers and Hart songs, both of which are far from the team's best work, two major chorus numbers, and three solos, two for Jonathan, one for Serefina. There's also the simple fact that I can understand why Collins would only do a few more films after this, and only one with any kind of starring role. He is a wonderful dancer and is charming enough, but he's also kind of dull for a man whose dancing sparks a Native uprising.

The Big Finale: Interesting curiosity if you want to learn more about color and dance on the screen, but nothing you need to go out of your way for.

Home Media: It's in the public domain, and both color and black and white versions are easy to find. (The color version at Tubi is missing a few minutes, for some reason, but the copy is decent.)

DVD

Blu-Ray

Tubi - Color Version

Tubi- Black and White Version

Back to School Again - High School Hero

Monogram, 1946

Starring Freddie Stewart, June Preissler, Noel Neill, and Jackie Moran

Directed by Arthur Dreifuss

Music and Lyrics by various 

Let's go back to school with the Teen-Agers in this B-comedy. Drive-in fodder for teens goes back way further than the Beach Party films. Monogram created this series directly for this new breed of consumer. The war years gave teens a life of their own, with their own language, clothes styles, and culture, which exploded in the late 40's and 50's along with the population. This would be the third of four films in this series. We covered the first, Junior Prom, back in 2022. How does the football season at Whitney High look nowadays? Let's begin with that fateful game and find out...

The Story: Actually, Whitney's team is terrible. They lack a star player like Fairview's Jimmy Forrest (Jackie Moran) and keep losing to their rivals. Not only that, but the school's newspaper may shut down due to lack of circulation, and Professor Townley (Milton Kibbee) wants to replace the student performers with professionals at the school bazaar. Freddie goes to Jan Savitt (himself) and his singer Chi-Chi (Lita Baron) for help. Jan thinks he's there to be his next singer and convinces Chi-Chi to make him fall in love with her. 

Meanwhile, Freddie and his best friend Lee Roberts (Warren Mills) sees Freddie's girl Dodie (Preissler) knock every guy on the field over when she thinks he's two-timing her and convinces her to join the team and play in his place. This works until Dodie's reporter sister Betty (Neill) gets photos of her, of Freddie with Chi-Chi, and of the governor with all of them and reveals the deception. Now Dodie and all of the kids have to figure out how to win the big game against Fairview without Dodie, convince the governor (Pierre Watkin) that they mean no harm, and get them all back into that big student show, before they all end up expelled.

The Song and Dance: For all that the so-called "kids" are way too old for their roles, there's still a lot of talent to be found here. I do like that a girl ends up saving the football team and comes up with the idea that wins the game in a plot that pre-dates the college football comedy Necessary Roughness by almost 50 years. Preissler has way too much fun off and on the field, especially shoving all those guys aside to get to her man! Anne Rooney as the youngest Rodgers sister gets her own mildly amusing subplot spouting half-baked psychology theories after she falls for her psychology teacher (Leonard Penn). 

The Numbers: We open with "Fairview March" as Fairview High celebrates its big win over hapless Whitney and its big star Jimmy Forrest. Freddie Slack and his Orchestra play the jivin' instrumental "Southpaw Serenade" after two kids put a nickel in the jukebox and dream about him and his musicians. "Football Frolics" pits the girls against the boys in a mock dance football game. (Girls win, by the way.) Freddie sings "You're Just What I Crave" to Dodie when they're out on a date at the Teen Canteen. Chi-Chi sings and wiggles her hips in a glittery dress to "Mi Caballo" with Jan Savitt's band. The majorettes perform a brief march and toss the batons routine to "Whitney Victory March," which becomes a number for the football team when they use their dance moves to confuse Fairview. The film ends with a reprise of "Whitney Victor March" and "Fairview March" as both schools celebrate Whitney's win together in a last big chorus number at the bazaar.

What I Don't Like: Uh, yeah, this is about as cheap of a B-movie as you can get. None of the kids look remotely like high schoolers or football players. (I'm pretty sure Frankie Darro was pushing 30 by this point, though at least he has less to do in this movie than he did in Junior Prom.) The story is even skimpier than the student body elections in Junior Prom. The subplot with Chi-Chi just seems stuffed in to get a nightclub routine and a little more glamour than most teens could provide in there.

The Big Finale: Ehh, same deal. Recommended for a few catchy numbers if you need a way to pass an hour after school or background noise on while your kids are doing homework. 

Home Media: To my knowledge, the Teen-Agers films are currently streaming only.

Tubi