Musicals On TV - Damn Yankees (1967)

NBC, 1967

Starring Jerry Lanning, Phil Silvers, Lee Remick, and Jim Backus

Directed by Kirk Browning

Music by Richard Adler; Lyrics by Jerry Ross

Our next sports musical revolves around the players and those who watch them from home. Even after the original Washington Senators moved to St. Paul in 1958, DC residents still wanted a baseball team in their town. The Senators were revived as an expansion team...and proceeded to play even worse than before. They were still perennial bottom-dwellers when this adaptation of the hit Broadway show first appeared on a revived General Electric Theater. How does this handle the story of a man who would do anything to make the Senators into a winning team...even sell his soul? Let's begin at the home of that obsessive fan, Joe Boyd (Ray Middleton), and his patient wife Meg (Fran Allison) as the Senators lose another game and find out...

The Story: Joe's claim that he'd sell his soul to win the pennant brings in Mr. Applegate (Silvers). Applegate says he can make Joe into a fit young slugger who'll rejuvenate the Senators if he really is willing to sell his soul. Joe's a real estate salesman by trade who has enough sense to add an escape clause that will allow him to return to Meg at the end of the season. 

Joe's an instant success who does revitalize the Senators, but he also misses Meg badly. He even takes a room in her home to be near her. Applegate sends his best seductress Lola (Remick) to tempt Joe into straying. When that fails and Lola falls for him instead, Applegate plants a phony story that Joe is really a criminal. The Senators and Meg are willing to help prove he's no con man, but all Joe really wants is to be at home with his wife again. 

The Song and Dance: This scores with the excellent cast and the creative staging that makes the most of the low-budget sets and effects. Silvers is a very funny Applegate, especially in the trial, and ultra-sexy Remick is certainly believable as Applegate's most successful temptress. She's so enjoyable here, I wish she did more musicals. Square-jawed Lanning looks like a sports hero and sings his numbers beautifully, especially the two ballads, and the Senators are a hoot. The very 60's animation and graphics bring Monty Python's Flying Circus to mind, with their wacky use of silent movie footage, cut-outs, and stop-motion. 

Favorite Number: This time, we open with wives lamenting they lose their husbands to baseball on TV for "Six Months Out of Every Year" over the main credits. Joe says "Goodbye, Old Girl" in his letter to Meg before he leaves with Applegate. "Heart" makes heavy use of those psychedelic graphics stop-motion animation as Coach Buddy (Backus) encourages his team to do their best on the field. The graphics pop up again with "Shoeless Joe From Hannibal Mo" as sportswriter Gloria (Linda Lavin) and the Senators extort Joe as the next big thing. 

Joe has two lovely ballads as he tells Applegate and Meg why he misses his wife, "A Man Doesn't Know" and "Near You." Remick makes the most of her big numbers "A Little Brains, a Little Talent" and "Whatever Lola Wants," despite those weird graphics interrupting the former. Three members of the Senators harmonize about how "The Game" is great for their bodies, but not so much for their love lives. Silvers slides right into his take on all the notable figures he's corrupted, "Those Were the Good Old Days." "Two Lost Souls" starts out as Remick and Lanning singing, but ends oddly with the two doing a dance number amid a swirling, melting Chroma-Key background that is too distracting to let us see the decent choreography.

Trivia: TV debut of Linda Lavin.

The Senators remained bottom-dwellers until they finally moved to Dallas in 1972 and were renamed the Texas Rangers. Washington DC wouldn't get another baseball team until the Montreal Expos moved to DC in 2005 and became the current Nationals.

Broadcast as part of a brief revival of General Electric Theater. 

What I Don't Like: The production is cheap as heck, even for TV. The fans in the stands and most of the baseball team are cardboard cut outs! The graphics can be nifty, but they're more often distracting, especially when replacing what would have been a dance number in any other show. They're also extremely late 60's. Many people nowadays would call them downright ugly.  "Who's Got the Pain?" is really extraneous, but it's a fun song I wish they'd kept.

The Big Finale: This one tends to get strike-outs from many fans online who are expecting a more straightforward adaptation, but I think it's at least a straight line to first. If you love the cast or 50's and 60's musicals and are willing to give those weird psychedelic graphics a chance, this is worth checking out.

Home Media: This disappeared for decades until it turned up on YouTube, which to date remains the only place you can find it. 

YouTube

Cult Flops - Athena

MGM, 1954

Starring Jane Powell, Edward Purdom, Debbie Reynolds, and Vic Damone

Directed by Richard Thorpe

Music by Hugh Martin; Lyrics by Ralph Blaine

We celebrate the upcoming Olympics this week with two musicals revolving around sports, starting with this unique celebration of good health and bodybuilding from the mid-50's. This was originally intended to be a vehicle for Esther Williams, but when she went on maternity leave, the title daughter of a vegetarian bodybuilding coach became a singer for Powell. Damone was another popular singer at the time, and Purdom was being hyped as the next big star at MGM after the success of The Student Prince. How do they all work with the story of a conservative senator who falls for lovely Athena and her fresh-air lifestyle? Let's begin with girls mobbing the studio to see singing idol Johnny Nyle (Damone) and find out...

The Story: While Johnny worries about being sued by his former agent, his lawyer friend Adam Calhorn Shaw (Purdom) worries about the peach trees he just bought. He meets perky Athena Mulvain (Powell) at the nursery, where she gives him advice on how to deal with the trees. She even turns up in his yard to do the mulching herself. Her grandparents and seven sisters are major advocates of healthy lifestyles, including vegetarianism, anti-smoking and drinking, and exercise. They're also proponents of numerology and astrology, which is why Athena immediately claims that the stars have lead her to Adam, and they also direct her sister Minerva (Reynolds) to Johnny.

Adam thinks this is absurd at first. He's already engaged to wealthy and sophisticated Beth Hallston (Linda Christian). He eventually finds himself falling for Athena, even though her grandfather Ulysses (Louis Calhoun) disapproves of the relationship. He wants Athena to marry Ed Perkins (Steve Reeves), the bodybuilder he's preparing for Mr. Universe. Adam invites Athena to a formal dinner, but Beth angers her when she serves vegetables stuffed with meat, while Adam is equally angry when Grandpa complains about him at the Mr. Universe contest and Adam easily knocks Ed out. It would seem that Grandma's right about there being rocky times ahead, but it's Adam who ultimately gives up his career so that "love can change the stars."

The Song and Dance: This is one of the most unusual musicals MGM ever did. For one thing, it's interesting that it advocates health-conscious lifestyles more than two decades before they started to become more common. The only thing strange about how the Mulvains live today would be some of Grandpa's more out-there breeding theories. While she seems a bit out of place, Powell's doing her best as the most determined of the seven sisters, and Calhoun is hilarious as her body-obsessed grandfather. 

Favorite Number: We open at Johnny's TV show, with him singing "The Boy Next Door" on a neighborhood set to an audience of rapt female fans. Athena's "Vocalize" when she's mulching the peach trees later becomes "Harmonize" at the Mulvain family dinner. Johnny first encourages Minvera to "Imagine" a relationship with him at the family's health food store. He reprises it later near the end of the movie. 

Athena insists to her grandmother and sisters that "Love Can Change the Stars," which Johnny also sings later. "Never Felt Better" is the chorus number for Athena, Minerva, the sisters, and the bodybuilders when they make over Adam's home to be more open and plant-friendly. "Venezia" is Johnny's big Italian chorus routine at the night club. Athena sings the aria "Chancun le sait" from the opera The Daughter of the Regiment at the disastrous dinner party. 

Trivia: Purdom had an affair with Christian during filming and later married her, though the union was short-lived.

"The Boy Next Door" is "The Girl Next Door" from Meet Me In St. Louis with the gender changed. 

What I Don't Like: Sometimes, this movie is too weird for its own good. Healthy lifestyles seem like a strange thing to base a major musical around. Real-life health advocate Williams would have made a lot more sense in the title role than the miscast Powell, and her swimming numbers might have given the film a much-needed lift. Purdom isn't any more interesting here without Mario Lanza's vocals than he was in The Student Prince. Richard Thorpe's disinterest in the whole affair is obvious from his pedestrian direction. Damone and Reynolds really don't have much to do beyond their numbers. The plot point with Johnny being sued by his agent is barely mentioned again after the first twenty minutes. Speaking of the numbers, most of them really don't have much to do with the story, and other than "The Girl Next Door," are dull and unmemorable. 

The Big Finale: I do give them credit for trying something different, but this is too weird to be one of the better MGM musicals. For major fans of Powell, Reynolds, Damone, or the big MGM shows of the 40's and 50's only. 

Home Media: The remastered Warner Archives DVD is currently out of print, but the Blu-Ray is available, and it's easily found on streaming.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Disney Short Subjects Special - Donald and the Wheel

Disney, 1961

Voices of Clarence Nash, Thurl Ravenscroft, Max Smith, and the Mellomen

Directed by Hamilton Luske

Music and Lyrics by Buddy Baker

Disney's last three shorts with Donald Duck were actually twenty-minute educational specials. Donald In Mathmagic Land was nominated for Best Documentary Short Subject in 1959, prompting Disney to put their popular duck into more of the same. Long-time Disney composer Baker had success with his score for Mathmagic Land and provided a full-on musical for this one, including vocal songs for voice actor and singer Ravenscroft and his group the Mellomen. How does this discussion of the importance of the wheel in society look today? Let's begin with the Spirits of Progress as they show us typical cave-duck Donald (Nash) and explain why he's important and find out...

The Story: The senior Spirit (Ravenscroft) insists that Donald is the one who invented the wheel after he sees a tiger roll down a hill. He and his hipster son Junior (Smith) take him through 3,000 years of transportation  history, then show him other uses of the wheel, from jukeboxes to oil derricks. Donald doesn't mind dancing with a pretty lady, but the traffic and machines overwhelms him. Even if it's not him, the senior Spirit still reminds him of just how important wheels are to our lives.

The Animation: This would be one of Disney's first productions in their new Xerox process, ably demonstrated by the simpler, sketchier backgrounds and Donald's thin-line design. They make use of something called Sodium Screen Processes that allow Donald to share the frame with that very human dancer. That sequence still looks pretty good, with Donald dancing around the lady, but the chroma-key that shows the outlines of the Spirits is a lot more obvious nowadays. 

The Song and Dance: While not as brilliant as Mathmagic Land, this one does have its own charms. Baker's jazz score is genuinely catchy, especially "The Principle of the Thing." No wonder he worked for Disney until well into the 90's. Ravenscroft and Smith's witty narration generally explains the concepts being discussed well, and Donald has a few funny gags in the beginning and with the live-action dancer in the jukebox. It's also interesting to be reminded how important the wheel was and remains to our everyday lives, and how this has changed through history.

Favorite Number: We open and close with Junior's scatting and his father explaining why "The Inventor of the Wheel" is such a big deal. "Wheels of Progress" covers transportation history, from Donald's simple cart on wooden wheels to modern automobiles on rubber tires. The two clicking gears Donald rides provides the backdrop for Junior and Senior's "The Principle of the Thing" as they show Donald the science behind how the gears move. We get three different types of music - slinky cool jazz, country hoedown, and classical ballet - as a dancer in costumes representing each steps prances with Donald on the disc in a jukebox. "Wheels, Wheels, Wheels" is the background for the sequence depicting Donald's typical day in the future and how everything from lawn mowers to satellites in space.

Trivia: Was released with The Parent Trap in theaters. 

What I Don't Like: This seems like a bit of an odd choice for Donald. There was never anything especially educational about him or his original shorts. Nor has all of the information given dated well. Though wheels remain important in transportation and in the production of many things, digital technology has stopped them turning in other industries. Junior's hipster argot in a few spots may be as hard for modern viewers to decipher as it is for Donald and his father. 

The Big Finale: Donald's three educational shorts are truly unique and are worth checking out for those looking for something a little bit different from Disney or their most famous Duck. 

Home Media: Alas, this can currently only be found on the limited edition and super-rare Chronological Donald Vol 4 Walt Disney Treasures set that is ridiculously expensive on Amazon. Your best bet is checking used venues or looking around for it on Dailymotion. 

DVD - Walt Disney Treasures: The Chronological Donald, Vol 4

Dailymotion

Cult Flops - Darling Lili

Paramount, 1970

Starring Julie Andrews, Rock Hudson, Jeremy Kemp, and Gloria Paul

Directed by Blake Edwards

Music by Henry Mancini; Lyrics by Johnny Mercer

Our second epic musical this week had an even more troubled production. Andrews was desperate to prove she was ready to be more than a magical nanny or a frivolous flapper. Edwards envisioned her in a small-scale World War I action romance with music, but Paramount had loftier plans. They wanted everything big - big musical numbers for Andrews, big budget, widescreen, elaborate costumes, location shooting in Europe, major leading man Rock Hudson as Andrews' co-star. 

Unfortunately, what they wanted and what Edwards wanted frequently clashed, and shooting the mid-air dogfights in rainy Ireland proved to be expensive and frustrating. Even after all the trouble and expense, Paramount didn't give the movie much publicity when it debuted, and it wound up being one of the biggest flops of the year. Did it deserve that fate, or should it have a second chance at redemption? Let's begin with Lili Smith (Andrews) against a black backdrop as she sings for an audience of London theatergoers and officers and find out...

The Story: Despite her singing sweetheart image, Lili is really a German spy who uses her popularity with the British and American fliers to gain information on their squadrons from them. She's especially interested in handsome pilot Major Bill Larrabee (Hudson) and asks him questions about his squadron, which she passes to her Uncle Kurt Von Ruger (Kemp). As Larrabee continues to court her, Lili finds herself genuinely falling for him. 

Lili's shocked when it turns out "Operation Crepe Suzette," which she believed to be a military plan, is actually a stripper (Paul). She's even more upset when the French send two officers of their own to spy on her and Larrabee, thinking he's the one doing the spying. She frames them and gets them arrested for treason and herself a Medal of Honor. Suzette, however, tells all, forcing Lili and Kurt to flee. Larrabee, however, can't forget his darling Lili, no matter who she is or what she did in the past...and he's not about to let her go down without a fight!

The Song and Dance: At least Paramount spared no expense on the production. The costumes are absolutely stunning, from Andrews' array of period-accurate gowns to the officers' uniforms and the leather jackets and caps on the pilots. That location shooting may have been a headache to film, but it looks lovely on-screen, especially the emerald greens of Ireland. I do give them credit for trying something original, given most musicals in the late 60's and early 70's were stage adaptations. Andrews gives it her all as Lili, even when the script is at its messiest, and Kemp is having his own fun as her slightly smarmy German "uncle."

Mancini and Mercer did come up with a genuinely good score. The haunting "Whistling Away the Dark" deserved its Oscar nomination. I also like "I'll Give You Three Guesses" and Paul's hilarious striptease number "Your Goodwill Ambassador." 

Favorite Number: We open and close with one of the simplest and most striking musical numbers in film history. "Whistling Away the Dark" begins with Lili, luminous in a black gown and diamond jewelry, singing the gorgeous ballad against a black background. Neither version has much to do with the story, but it's still a great way to start. After the theater is bombed, Lili does a medley of the World War I hits "It's a Long Way to Tipperary," "Pack Up Your Troubles," and "Keep the Home Fires Burning." 

Lili sings the cheer-up ditty "Smile Away Each Rainy Day" and the touching ballad "The Girl In No Man's Land" to a crowd of wounded veterans and pilots on leave, including Larrabee. Can-can girls do a lively and racy skirt-raising routine to an instrumental number while Lili is in the cafe with the officers, just before she encounters the very drunk pilot TC. TC insists on her reprising "Tipperary," which turns into a very drunk"Mademoiselle From Armentieres" with flyers hanging off her car on the way home. 

We see two very different versions of "I'll Give You Three Guesses." The first one is traditional and romantic, with Lili in white ruffles swirling around with young men in uniform. After she sees Crepe Suzette (Paul) sing "Your Goodwill Ambassador" in little more than a beaded bikini, she turns the second "Three Guesses" into a far hotter striptease. She and Larrabee join a group of little girls singing on the way home from school at one point. 

Trivia: There's at least two versions of this kicking around. I based my review on the original theatrical roadshow release that's currently at Amazon, but there's a much shorter Director's Cut currently on DVD.

Last full musical with songs by Johnny Mercer.

Andrews and Edwards married during filming. They would remain together until his death in 2010.

Edwards would later use his difficulties making this movie as the inspiration for his 1981 comedy S.O.B (which also featured Andrews). 

The movie went way over-budget, mainly because of those big plane fight sequences that took two years to film in Ireland. 

What I Don't Like: This is another musical with an identity problem. All the tinkering and trouble shows in a movie that has no idea whether it wants to be a war film, a romantic comedy, a mystery, or a sex farce. Hudson can sing well, but he's otherwise at sea in a musical and has no chemistry with Andrews. In fact, he doesn't really have that much to do other than be the love interest for Lili. The comic relief French spies in the second half are totally out of place with the war drama. Their shenanigans really bog the last hour or so down and are unnecessary. 

And yeah, so are the musical numbers. "Whistling Away the Dark" aside, most of them have nothing whatsoever to do with the movie and stop it cold. Edwards originally just wanted a few glimpses of Lili singing, but once again, the studio wanted big...and in this case, big probably wasn't needed. 

Oscar-nominated for Best Score, Best Costume Design, and Best Original Song. 

The Big Finale: There's some great music and scenery in this movie, and Andrews does her best...but it's mostly a mess. See it for the numbers if you're a fan of Andrews or the big musicals of the late 60's and early 70's. 

Home Media: Easily found on DVD and streaming. The Warner Archives DVD is the director's cut; most streaming sites have the original theatrical roadshow version, including Amazon. 

DVD

Amazon Prime

Cult Flops - Half a Sixpence

Paramount, 1967

Starring Tommy Steele, Julia Foster, Cyril Ritchard, and Penelope Horner

Directed by George Sidney

Music and Lyrics by David Heneker

This week, we're going to look at two big musicals from the late 60's and early 70's that weren't hits when they came out, but deserve reevaluation today. Half a Sixpence, based after the H.G Wells book Kipps, was always intended to be a vehicle for Tommy Steele, who was a wildly popular singer and dancer in England in the early 60's. It was a hit in London and did relatively well on Broadway, enough for Paramount to try Steele and his brand of manic energy on the big screen. How does he come across in this story of a young man who gains, loses, and regains a fortune look today? Let's begin as young Arthur Kipps (Geoffrey Chandler) is taken to become an apprentice draper and tells his best friend Ann (Deborah Permentor) he'll return to her someday, and find out...

The Story: Arthur "Artie" Kipps (Steele) inherits a million dollars from the grandfather he never knew. He invests in a show put on by his playwright friend Harry Chitterlow (Ritchard) and gives the now-grown Ann (Foster) half of a sixpence she gave him as a child. Kipps, however, has bigger ambitions than financing shows. He becomes enamored with wealthy Helen Walsingham (Horner), even rowing with men from her set in a regatta and letting her brother Hubert (James Villiers) invest his money. He initially rejects Ann in favor of Helen, until he realizes how much Ann means to him. Even then, he's still determined to show off his money, until he discovers the hard way that wealth can buy a lot of things...but real happiness with someone you care about isn't one of them.

The Song and Dance: Considering how overbearing Steele was in The Happiest Millionaire and especially Finian's Rainbow, he's a lot easier to take in his own vehicle. Here, his endless energy and toothpaste smile radiate charm and give the fluffy plot a must-needed boost. He's in almost every number, and he's never less than delightful in each and every one. No wonder he would remain popular in England through the 70's and continues to occasionally perform to this day. He's backed by a terrific production, with gorgeous historically-accurate turn-of-the-century costumes, choreography by Gillian Lynne that more than matches Steele's energy level, and stunning filming in and around the English countryside. 

Favorite Number: Our first song has the adult Kipps and his buddies commenting how their boss scrimps on materials but spends money on himself "All In the Cause of Economy" as they dress and prepare for their day. Kipps and Ann do a sweet version of the title song as they make their vow to always love one another in front of a merry-go-round. "Money to Burn" is the big chorus number at Chitterlow's show as Artie explains why he would buy a banjo if he had the cash. Ann claims at the beach as she and the shopgirls dress that "I Don't Believe a Word of It" when Kipps is late arriving...but when he does arrive, she claims "I'm Not Talking to You." 

"A Proper Gentlemen" is a chorus song that depicts Kipps' around-the-world journey via him goofing off in front of vintage postcards of famous monuments. Kipps laments "She's Too Far Above Me" after a rainstorm ends his attempt to woo Helen at an outdoor concert. "If the Rain's Got to Fall" is an adorable routine for Kipps, a group of ragamuffins, and the chorus outside before and during an actual rainstorm that ends with everyone splashing around in puddles. 

"Lady Botting's Boating Regatta Cup Racing Song" is the only song written for the film. Kipps sings it as a voiceover at the regatta as we hear his thoughts during the competition. "Flash Bang Wallop!" is the big wedding number, as Kipps, Ann, and the chorus celebrate with a huge dance at the tavern. Ann insists "I Know What I Am" after she argues with Kipps over how big their house should be. Kipps says "This Is My World" as he imagines their finished mansion filled with beautiful dancers in fine tuxes and gowns...until he sees Ann and realizes he's no gentleman. We end with Ann and Kipps reprising the title number in front of the merry-go-round again when they realize they only need each other to be truly content.

Trivia: This movie was such a huge critical and commercial flop, George Sidney quit directing all together.

Julia Foster was dubbed by Marti Webb, who starred in the original London production with Steele

The original London production ran for three years starting in 1963; the Broadway production ran almost as long. I don't think it's been seen in New York since then, but a revised version was a surprise hit off and on the West End in 2016, running over a year. 

What I Don't Like: For all the gorgeous costumes and location shooting, this movie is too big and too long. It would have done better as a more intimate musical. The chorus numbers in particular just go on and on forever. As good as Lynne's choreography is, there's way too much of it. The thin story did not need to be stretched out to two and a half hours. Of the cast, only Ritchard is anywhere near Steele's level, and his role is limited to 20 minutes in the beginning and end. Foster in particular can't muster the appropriate spunk for "I'm Not Talking to You" and "I Know Who I Am." Among the songs dropped from the original stage version were "Long Ago," a duet for Ann and Kipps, "The Old Military Canal" for the chorus, and a second number at the tavern, "The Party Is On the House." 

The Big Finale: This was dismissed in the 60's as overly sentimental, but I think it's worn rather well. For the most part, the sentiment now comes off as charming and adorable rather than too sweet. Fans of Steele and the big musicals of the 60's and 70's with time on their hands will really get a kick out of Kipps' adventures in the upper class.

Home Media: Easily found on DVD and streaming.

DVD

Amazon Prime

Family Fun Saturday - Descendents: The Rise of Red

Disney, 2024

Starring Kylie Cantrall, Malia Baker, Ruby Rose Turner, and Morgan Dudley

Directed by Jennifer Phang

Music and Lyrics by various

I thought Disney was done with this franchise, but never underestimate their obsession with their history and milking a series dry. That said, it's not often they dive into their TV history. Descendents apparently returned last year with an animated short that launched a revival of the series, this time focusing on Cinderella and the citizens of Wonderland. How does this latest visit to the world of Auradon Prep look, especially compared to the films that came before it? Let's begin with Uma (Chiana Anne McClain), daughter of Ursula, as she tells us how she is now principal of Auradon and plans on shaking things up, and find out...

The Story: Red (Cantrall) is the rebellious daughter of the Queen of Hearts (Rita Ora), who embraces her invitation to Auradon as a way to get out from under the thumb of her tyrannical and controlling mother. The Queen, however, uses the invitation as an excuse to stage a coup and take over the school. Red flees and uses a pocket watch given to her by Maddox (Leonardo Nam), the son of the Mad Hatter, to go back in time when her mother and Cinderella (Brandy) attended the school. Chloe (Baker) accidentally gets caught up in the watch's magic, and after arguing over the watch, eventually decide to work together to save their mothers.

Turns out not only did their mothers know each other when the school was called Merlin Academy, but Bridget (Turner) and Ella (Dudley) were best friends. Bridget was a perky go-getter who wanted to be friends with everyone, while Ella is more skeptical about royalty and those who abuse their privileges. Bridget inadvertently gets on the bad side of school bully Uliana (Dara Renee) when she steals her flamingo cupcakes and turns into a flamingo, causing her to plan a major prank on her at the school dance. Chloe and Red have to figure out how prevent that prank from happening, before any worse damage is done in the past and the present.

The Song and Dance: I give them credit for at least trying for something a little different. This feels like a fairy tale Back to the Future as the girls head to the past and see how different their mothers were when they went to Merlin Academy, as it was called then. Cantrell and Baker have a great time as the unruly Red who is determined to prove she's nothing like her dominating mother and sweet Chloe, who is shocked to discover her mother wasn't always royalty or perfect. Also great to see less-discussed Disney properties like Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella and The Sword and the Stone be included in one of their crossovers. The costumes remain colorful, bright, and gorgeous, with amazing gowns for the moms and tight jackets and leggings for their daughters. 

(Also, kudos to them for their heartfelt acknowledgement of one of the original characters, Carlos, and the actor who played him. Cameron Boyce died of a seizure shortly before the release of Descendents 3, and the short tribute was very sweet and thoughtful.) 

Favorite Number: "Red" destroys everything about her mother in her introductory number. Cinderella sings "So This Is Love" briefly from the original Disney animated film with the Prince as they give Chloe a very special gift. The Queen of Hearts insists that "Love Ain't It" when she stages her coup and takes over the school. The two girls claim it's the "Fight of Our Lives" as Chloe and Red fight over the watch after the arrive at Merlin Academy in a dynamic rap routine. Bridget tells everyone that "Life Is Sweeter (Wherever You Are)" as she hands around her pink flamingo cupcakes to the students and Uliana and her villains introduce themselves. 

After her accidental humiliation, Uliana vows the "Perfect Revenge" on Bridget. Bridget, for her part, is totally ignorant as she briefly shows off her new dance for the Castlecoming Dance, "Shuffle of Love," to the duo. Ella insists that one should "Get Your Hands Dirty" and make their own choice to Chloe when she wonders if she should help Red steal the cookbook from Merlin. We end with a reprise of "Life Is Sweeter"  as everyone celebrates Red's arrival at Auradon, and Uma admits that while we have a happy ending now, there could be repercussions from messing with the past in the future...

What I Don't Like: This one starts off fairly strong, with improved special effects and mostly decent performances...but like Lady and the Tramp II, the finale is a disappointment. After all the build-up, they don't show the all-important Castlecoming Dance or how Ella and Prince Charming fell in love. I know they're trying to set up a sequel, but it makes the end of this movie feel like less of an end and more like the movie is just stopping for a dance party. Wish it could have made more use of some of its characters, too, especially the villains, Merlin, and Faye, the original Fairy Godmother. 

A lot of this contradicts the original films. I do appreciate Disney acknowledging Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella, but Brandy and Paolo Montalban don't look anything like the adult Cinderella and Prince Charming from the first three films. And what happened to the villains being banished to the Isle of the Lost? Plus there were Wonderland characters in the original films and cartoons. The movie also awkwardly writes out most of the original characters as traveling in other kingdoms. They could have at least tried to integrate that better, instead of info-dumping that information in the very beginning.

The Big Finale: The Back to the Future twist makes this one of the more interesting Descendants films, but the dull second half makes this mainly for fans of the Disney films it refers to or the intended 8 to 14 audience.

Home Media: It's a Disney Plus exclusive at the moment. 

Disney Plus

Back to the Beach

Paramount, 1987

Starring Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon, Lori Loughlin, and Tommy Hinkley

Directed by Lyndall Hobbs

Music and Lyrics by various

Even after the Beach Party movies were no longer turning up at drive-ins, they continued to be popular on late-night television, and later on video and cable. By the mid-80's, surf culture had also made a comeback as nostalgia for the 50's and early 60's boomed, fired by a revival of surf rock artists like the Beach Boys and the popularity of the California beach scene. As the movies themselves became more widely seen again, Avalon and Funicello reemerged to appear in this parody of the originals, showing just how much comedy, musicals, and surf culture had and hadn't changed since the heyday of the original films. Is it still hip now, or is it terminally square? Let's begin, not in California, but in landlocked Ohio, as Bobby (Demian Slade) complains about how annoying his parents are, and find out...

The Story: Once the most beloved surfer on the California beaches, the Big Kahuna (Avalon) is now a car salesman. His wife Annette (Funicello) is bored and perpetually shopping, and black-clad Bobby wishes they were a heck of a lot cooler. Despite his dislike of water, they still take a vacation to Hawaii, first stopping in California to visit their daughter Sandy (Loughlin). 

Sandy is living with goofy, unemployed Michael (Hinkley), who makes his own surfboards. Her father is furious, until he encounters his old flame Connie (Connie Stevens) at a popular local hangout. Not only is she Michael's mother, but she still has a thing for Sandy's father. There's also the big lunk Troy (John Calvin) who keeps making passes at Annette. Meanwhile, a fed-up Bobby falls in with a biker group who eventually declares the beach to be their property. Michael is hurt when they raid the beach party, leading the Big Kahuna to have no choice but to hit the water one last time.

The Song and Dance: This is so dorky and is trying so hard to be what was cool in 1987, it almost flips around to become hip. Funicello and especially Avalon have a fine time as the couple who revive their marriage even as they recall their glory days, and Stevens enjoys her role as the not-so-"bad" woman. The costumes are among the most pure 80's of the entire decade, with everyone decked out in garish neons, fluffy polka-dot short dresses, enormous hair, and off-the-shoulder sweaters. 

Some of the cameos are pretty cute too, notably Don Adams as the Harbormaster the Big Kahuna talks into letting them have their shindig and Bob Denver playing the bartender as a certain dim sailor who is very glad he's no longer stranded on his self-named island. I'm also kind of glad the bikers seen at the end are played for genuine menace, and aren't nearly as goofy as Eric Von Zipper and his crowd were in the original films. This adds a little bit of heft to the out-of-nowhere surf contest ending. 

Favorite Number: We open with Bobby explaining how his parents used to be considered cool in the 50's and 60's, including real-life footage of Annette singing on The Mickey Mouse Club and Avalon performing his hit "Venus." The first real song is "Catch a Ride" over footage of California surfers (including one sitting on his surfboard!) hitting the waves during the credits. Dick Dale performs "The Loco-Motion" and then "California Sun," the latter featuring Avalon having so much fun that the number becomes the film's highlight. Funicello counters by holding a wild "Pajama Party" with her daughter at her home.

An updated version of "Wipeout" plays as the surfers slide down a pole and rush out to hit the big one...except a hungover Avalon. "Jamaica Ska" is Funicello's number with the chorus on the beach, joined by real-life ska and reggae band Fishbone. (Note the decidedly Minnie Mouse-like red polka-dot dress she wears at this point.)  Dale plays "Pipeline" while Avalon suggests a major beach bash for Michael to win back his girlfriend.

Aimee Mann and Till Tuesday sing "Signs of Love" during a dance number at the party while Michael admits to Sandy that he's ready to settle down. We get "Wooly Bully" as Avalon heads off the Harbormaster (Don Adams). Pee Wee Herman, of all people, sings and does his own idea of prancing around to "Surfin' Bird." "I Hate You" is the anthem for the punk bike group, which we hear when they're on the beach. 

Trivia: Frankie Avalon's real name is never used. He's always referred to as "The Big Kahuna" or "Annette's husband." Orion Pictures (and now MGM/Amazon) owns most of the Beach Party movies and the rights to the name. It's why Funicello doesn't go under Dee-Dee or Dolores, her usual names in those movies, as well. 

"I Hate You" was written for and originally heard in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home. 

What I Don't Like: Did I mention how of-its-time this film is? This movie shrieks "1980's surf culture trying to be 1960's surf culture." The original films could be extremely strange, but this one occasionally dips into plain dumb, as with the annoying Troy who keeps pursuing Annette and Michael's nitwit surfer stereotype. They're trying for camp, but just come off as weird and shrill. 

The finale with the bikers suddenly declaring the beach to be their turf comes totally out of left field. The bikers barely interacted with anyone besides Bobby before this. It only exists to give the Big Kahuna a way to redeem himself and could have been led up to better. Bobby for his part didn't have much to do for most of the movie besides his narration sulking about how terminally uncool his parents are and one amusing sequence when he shows off a fake tattoo to his mother. 

The Big Finale: I honestly think Teen Beach Movie did a much better job parodying the Beach Party series more than a quarter of a century later. This is mainly for major fans of Funicello, Avalon, the stars or groups seen in cameos, or those who have fond memories of seeing it on cable and video in the late 80's and 90's. 

Home Media: Currently on DVD via the Warner Archives (who release select Paramount films) and streaming for free on Pluto TV.

DVD

Pluto TV On Demand