Happy Easter! - The Tale of the Bunny Picnic

HBO, 1986

Voices of Steve Whitmire, Richard Hunt, Jim Henson, and Louise Gold

Directed by Jim Henson and David G Hiller

Music by Philip Balsam; Lyrics by Dennis Lee

This cable special is the closest Jim Henson got to doing something for Easter. He wanted to make another holiday program with realistic animals after the success of Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas on HBO in 1977. While that one was a bit gritty and bittersweet, he went with something a little more aimed at children here. This special also introduced Bean Bunny, who would later appear on the 80's version of Muppet Babies and still occasionally turns up in Muppet media to this day. How does this charming story of rabbits who learn compassion when they find out the dog who ruins their picnic isn't as bad as he seems look now? Let's begin with the bunnies singing about the beginning of spring and find out...

The Story: Bean Bunny (Whitmire) is known for his wild imagination and his goofy attempts to dream he's something else. He wants to help set up for the big spring Bunny Picnic, but his older brother Lugsy (Hunt) keeps telling him he's too little. He wanders off into the lettuce patch to daydream when he's chased out by the farmer's dog (Henson). Horrified, Bean tries to tell everyone what he saw, but they think it's just another imaginative story. 

It isn't until the dog attacks the Picnic that the bunnies finally admit Bean wasn't just imagining things. The rabbits try everything they can think of to shake him, until Bean comes up with an idea based on a puppet show put on by the Storyteller Bunny (Ron Mueck). That seems to do the trick, at least until the dog catches on. Bean escapes and saves his brother...but when they see the dog being abused by the mean farmer who owns him (Martin P. Robinson), they realize who the real villain is and decide to teach the bullying farmer a lesson.

The Song and Dance: Considering the sugary reputation this special in general and Bean Bunny in particular have, this was a lot better than I thought it would be. The songs are catchy, and Bean is a lot of fun, especially some of his wilder daydreams! I also like that the bad guy isn't who you think it's going to be. The dog is set up to be the villain until mid-way through, when you realize he's as scared as the rabbits and is just following orders. The ending with how they help him actually ends up being rather sweet. 

The Numbers: We open with the bunnies enthusiastically greeting the warmer weather in "Hello Sunshine." Poor Bean laments that no one will let people do anything special "When You're Little." The dog tells the bunnies "Run, Bunny, Run," because he's coming after them. The Storyteller encourages the bunnies to "Follow Me" as he sets up his puppet show. Bean's parents sing "The Bunny's Lullaby" to put their frightened children to sleep that night. The bunnies empower each other to help the dog and attack the farmer with "Drum of Time." "Hello Sunshine" reappears during the credits after we find out who the narrator was.

Trivia: The special originally opened with a live-action segment as Jim Henson explained what inspired the story. That has been cut from most current copies available, including the ones on video and YouTube. 

What I Don't Like: While it's not quite as cutesy as it's reputation would have it, it's still a lot more child-oriented and sweet than the gritty Emmett Otter or the slightly darker and wackier Muppet fairy tales. Those adorable bunnies may be just a little too precious, with their huge black button eyes, chubby cheeks, and breathless speeches. It's notable that, though this did well enough on cable and has turned up sporadically thereafter on HBO and video, it's not one of the better-known specials. Only Bean is even mildly remembered today.

The Big Finale: Charming and adorable springtime viewing for you and your younger children; older kids and teens may find it a tad too sugary. 

Home Media: As mentioned, the only place you can find this at press time is YouTube. 

YouTube

Family Fun Saturday - Muppet Musicians of Bremen

Robert Laurence Productions/The Jim Henson Company, 1972

Voices of Jim Henson, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, and Phyllis Marshall

Directed by Jim Henson

Music and Lyrics by Joe Raposo

Our final Family Fun Saturday review returns to the Muppet well one more time. This is the last of the three Tales from Muppetland specials that Jim Henson developed before he started working on The Muppet Show. This one is slightly more realistic and less romantic, despite the talking animals. It almost seems like a comic preview for Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas five years later, which also had more realistic-looking animal puppets. How does the German folk tale of three unwanted animals who form a band, then accidentally scare off robbers look now? Let's begin with Kermit as he introduces us to our music-playing quartet, and that they weren't always as happy as they are now, and find out...

The Story: After years of faithful service, the old donkey Leroy (Nick Nichols) runs away from his owner, the grouchy thief Mordecai (Francois Klanfer), when Mordecai tries to kill him. The instruments Mordecai stole that he accidentally runs off with inspires him to become a traveling musician. Three other older animals, TR the Rooster (Nelson), Rover Joe the hound dog (Klanfer), and Catgut the cat (Marshall), also join him after their robber owners throw them out. When they come upon a little house in the Lousiana bayou, they think it's the home of a charming family...but it's really their former masters divvying up their spoils. The animals think they're saving a family, but they really end up scaring the thieves off and discovering they make a nice musical family on their own.

The Song and Dance: I give this one credit for going with a more unique and slightly more realistic story than the fantasy specials. The Grimm's fairy tale "The Musicians of Bremen" isn't often adapted for the screen in North America, even in animated or puppet form. Klanfer, Nichols, and Marshall are hilarious whether they're playing music, singing the blues, or dodging their obnoxious or less-than-brilliant owners, and Rasposo's music is almost a catchy as his songs for The Frog Prince. 

The Numbers: We open with the animals briefly playing an instrumental Dixieland number under Kermit's narration before we meet Leroy. He sings the first version of "I'm a Traveling Musician," which is reprised and added to as he's joined by more animals. TD laments "The Cock-a-Doodle-Doodle Blues" to the chickens in the farm before he leaves. Catgut has similar complaints to the rats on the farm as she claims "You've Got to Know Your Friends." Leroy claims that the people living in the old shack are "A Family Together." The others think they see "A Family Together," too...but it's really the robbers fighting over their stolen goods.

Trivia: The animals would be used in other Henson projects, including the special Muppet Show: Sex and Violence and The Muppet Show. 

What I Don't Like: This is a bit simpler than Frog Prince or The Muppet Show. It lacks the heartwarming sequences of Emmett Otter or the romance of Frog Prince. It also lacks the humans - this is an all-puppet project. Kermit is the only familiar face - no later Muppets appear - and unlike Frog Prince, he's only on in the beginning. 

The Big Finale: If your kids love animal projects and/or the Muppets, they'll have a wonderful time with the four best animal musicians in the bayou.

Home Media: Alas, this is YouTube-only at the moment. 

YouTube

Animation Celebration Saturday - Frosty Returns

CBS, 1992

Voices of John Goodman, Jonathan Winters, Brian Doyle Murphy, and Elizabeth Moss

Directed by Evert Brown and Bill Melendez

Music and Lyrics by Mark Mothersbaugh and others

This one has some complicated origins. Frosty's Winter Wonderland was among the specials purchased by Warner Brothers when they picked up the rights to the post-1974 Rankin-Bass catalog, which meant that by the 1980's, CBS couldn't run it anymore. They commissioned the director of the Peanuts specials Melendez and Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels to create their own follow-up to Frosty the Snowman in the early 90's. Is it as much fun as the Rankin-Bass productions, or should it be canned? Let's start as our tiny narrator (Jonathan Winters) floats into Beansborough on a snowflake for their annual Winter Carnival and find out...

The Story: The kids of Beansborough are excited about the huge snow storm that just fell in town. Their parents aren't nearly as amused by all the shoveling and defrosting they have to do. Holly DiCarlo (Moss) and her best friend Charles (Michael Patrick Carter) are more interested in working on Holly's magic act for the carnival. The storm's wind blows Holly's magic hat right onto a snowman, turning him into the wisecracking Frosty. 

The kids are delighted with their new frozen friend (when Holly can convince Charles that Frosty's really moving), but Frosty's nervous. Local businessman Mr. Twitchell (Murphy) is heavily pushing his new product Summer Wheeze in a bid to become king of the Winter Carnival. Summer Wheeze instantly removes snow from any surface, including snowmen. It's up to Frosty and the two kids to remind everyone in Beansborough about how fun winter - and snow friends - can truly be.

The Animation: This definitely screams "early 90's Peanuts special." The zig-zaggy thick lines, large head, and sketchy style all look like the work of Bill Melendez. It could fit right in with the later Peanuts specials if the adults sounded like trumpets. It's a lot more like a Peanuts special than a more playful and anime-esque Rankin-Bass special. 

The Song and Dance: The cast and the catchy songs stand out in this attempt at a more "modern" Frosty story. The two kids are hilarious and get some great lines, especially in the opening. Murphy and Andrea Martin also have a few good moments as the villainous executive determined to become carnival king at all costs (including environmental costs) and the kids' fussy teacher Miss Carbunkle. (Also, as with Frosty's Winter Wonderland, I appreciate that there's no reference to any holidays besides the Winter Carnival. This is another one that can be watched at any time during the colder months.) 

The Numbers: We open with an announcer declaring that there's over two feet of snow on the ground and the kids are out of school. "We Love the Snow," say the kids who are delighted to be out of school. Their parents are more frustrated about dealing with shoveling it and complain "We Can Live Without Snow." This becomes "Let There Be Snow" for Frosty and Holly as they sing about the delights of winter weather. The duo reprise it with the townspeople at the carnival. (They're joined here by Charles, who is such a bad singer, even the animated characters wince.) The cast sings the title song over the end credits.

Trivia: This turned up on CBS occasionally during the Christmas season from 1992 through 2023. 

What I Don't Like: What is this a sequel to again? Despite the title, this is really its own stand-alone story, with nothing whatsoever to do with the two Rankin-Bass Frosty specials. Honestly, it feels like Melendez was trying too hard to be early 90's cynical and "hip." Goodman does make a warm Frosty, but his dialogue is less witty and more annoying. The story is a cross between "Rankin-Bass obnoxious and silly villain does weird mean things to kids" and a typical Peanuts special, without the charming weirdness that made both franchises stand out. 

The Big Finale: The catchy music and nice cast makes this worth seeing at least once this winter with elementary school-age kids who will enjoy Holly and Frosty's antics and ignore the so-so animation and plot holes. 

Home Media: That long run on CBS means it's not currently on streaming, but it can be found paired with Frosty the Snowman on many DVDs and Blu-Rays. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

DVD - The Original Christmas Classics 

Animation Celebration Saturday - Frosty's Winter Wonderland

Rankin-Bass/ABC, 1976

Voices of Jackie Vernon, Shelley Winters, Andy Griffith, and Dennis Day

Directed by Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass

Music and Lyrics by various

For the next three Saturdays, we'll be looking at vintage winter and Valentine's Day specials from the 70's, 80's, and 90's, starting with this lesser-known sequel from Rankin-Bass. The original Frosty the Snowman was one of their bigger hits in the late 60's, so it was likely inevitable that they would want to follow that up. They got the folksy Griffith to replace original narrator Jimmy Durante, who had a stroke a few years before and had retired, and concocted a story that gave Frosty a wife and a slightly more likely villain than an annoying and rather silly magician. How does all of this look today? Let's begin with Griffith and the kids as they try to build a snowman who'll come to life like Frosty and find out...

The Story: Frosty (Vernon) is glad to be back with the kids, but he's lonely when they're not playing with him. Since he can't go inside with them, they make him a wife to be his friend and partner. Trouble is, they can't figure out what will make her "all livin'" at first. Meanwhile, Jack Frost (Paul Frees) is jealous that the kids associate Frosty with winter more than they do him. He tries to blow Frosty's magic hat away, but gets a substitute. Frosty is the one who finally figures out what will bring Crystal (Winters) to life...and she saves him in turn after Frost returns and does get his hat. Frosty and Crystal want to be married, but they end up needing a snow priest (Day) to do the job. 

The Animation: As a later Rankin-Bass special, this absolutely shows the hand of Paul Coker Jr. It's much more rounded and anime-like than the original special (as per its Japanese origins), and definitely looks like it was designed by the man who would later do artwork for MAD Magazine. 

The Song and Dance: Vernon and Winters make an adorable couple in one of the better Rankin-Bass specials of the 70's. This is one of the few times the weirdness that marks their later efforts really works. Winters' crusty demeanor compliments Vernon's innocent cheerfulness well, and Frees makes a perfect impish Jack. I also like that this may be the only Rankin-Bass special that doesn't needlessly attempt to tie a holiday in. It doesn't mention Christmas, Valentine's Day, or even Groundhog's Day. It's just about the wonders of winter, making it perfect to watch during the colder months when other Rankin-Bass specials are sitting on the shelf. 

The Numbers: Griffith performs "Frosty the Snowman" in the opening as the kids build their new wintry friend and wish for Frosty's return. They sing it again when they're out skating and sledding with Frosty and realize that Frosty really isn't very good at counting. Day and Griffith share "Winter Wonderland" later on, during Frosty and Crystal's wedding. It really is very sweet, with the animals carrying Crystal's train and the snowman that no one has to pretend is Parson Brown.

What I Don't Like: Er, what is this a sequel to again? There's no mention of Karen, the little girl from the first special, though they do continue the running gag with the kid wrapped in that huge scarf and his weird snow people names and the cop who swallows his whistle at the sight of the snow people. While this does make more sense than such late 70's and 80's Rankin-Bass specials as The Leprechaun's Christmas Gold or Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas In July, it's still a little strange. The kids make Frosty a wife, and Jack Frost is jealous because they aren't paying attention? Sometimes I wonder what the writers at Rankin-Bass were on in the 70's and early 80's. 

The Big Finale: One of the better Rankin-Bass specials from the mid-late 70's deserves a look during the winter months for its unique story and charming performances.

Home Media: Easily found on DVD and streaming.

DVD

DVD - Frosty the Snowman/Frosty's Winter Wonderland

Amazon Prime

Family Fun Saturday - The Frog Prince (1971)

Robert Laurence Productions/The Jim Henson Company, 1971

Voices of Jim Henson, Jerry Nelson, Frank Oz, and Richard Hunt

Directed by Jim Henson

Music and Lyrics by Joe Raposo

We end the month as we began it, with the Muppets. This time, we jump way far back, to when Jim Henson was trying to prove that his felt characters could be more than commercial announcers or filler between variety show numbers. This is the second of three fairy tale-based specials Henson did featuring Kermit, and probably the best-received of the three. It was so popular, four of the Muppets used in this special would go on to appear on The Muppet Show three years later. Does it still cast a spell today? Let's begin with our narrator Kermit the Frog (Henson) by the well and find out...

The Story: Sir Robin the Brave (Gordon Thomson) is turned into a frog by the wicked witch Taminella (Jerry Juhl). Kermit and his friends by the well in the castle garden don't believe him, even when he tells them he can't swim. He has to befriend a princess and get her to kiss him, and the lovely Melora (Trudy Young) would seem to be the perfect candidate. Trouble is, she too is under a spell. Her words are twisted backwards by the evil woman who claims to be her father King Rupert (Henson)'s sister. Robin recognizes her as Taminella, who wants to take Melora's throne on her birthday and become queen. Robin and Kermit try to translate Melora's backwards warnings and dodge Taminella's big, dumb ogre Sweetums (Carl Banas).

The Song and Dance: This is by far my favorite, not only of the Muppet fairy tale specials, but of the specials Henson did before he developed The Muppet Show. Robin and Sweetums were so adorable and hilarious respectively, they've been used in Muppet shows and films ever since. Raposo's songs are a delight, too, especially Young singing with Robin the Frog (Nelson) and Sweetums' noisy number. Nice costumes too, on Muppet and human alike. I like that Kermit's a little more involved with this than he would be with The Muppet Musicians of Bremen and the later Christmas specials, too. 

The Numbers: We open with the "Frog Chant" from the frogs at the well and the chorus. Robin explains what happened to him to turn him from "Sir Robin the Brave" into a little frog. Kermit and his friends insist that it's great to be "Frogs." Robin interprets Melora's turned around "N'I'm Ineteen" ("I'm Nineteen") in a charming duet. After he gets into the castle, Robin is almost stomped on by Sweetums, until he manages to insist "Sleep, Sweetums." "Sweetums," for his part, isn't happy with having been manipulated and just wants his frog dinner. "Anthems of Joy" is the happy ending, as Melora and Robin embrace, the people of the country are glad to have the right queen, King Rupert is happy for his daughter, and Kermit misses his froggy friend.

Trivia: Robin and Sweetums aren't the only Muppets from this special who would turn up on The Muppet Show. Featherstone and King Rupert made occasional appearances in royalty-themed skits during the first season. 

What I Don't Like: While we do get Robin and Sweetums here along with Kermit, don't expect the rest of the Muppet gang like Piggy or Fozzie. This came out three years before that show debuted. Young's adorable as the Princess, but what little we see of Thomson is a bit stiff for a dashing prince. Frankly, Taminella is more annoying than she is threatening. How the king fell for her, I will never know. 

The Big Finale: If you're a fan of the Muppets or of fairy tales like me, this is worth swimming a well for if you can find it.

Home Media: Alas, at press time, it can only be found on out-of-print videos and a blurry copy on Dailymotion. 

Dailymotion

Family Fun Saturday - Geppetto

ABC/Disney, 2000

Starring Drew Carey, Julie Louis-Dreyfus, Brett Spiner, and Seth Adkins

Directed by Tom Moore

Music and Lyrics by Steven Schwartz

We're staying with TV films this weekend, but skipping ahead a decade and a half to the turn of the new millennium. ABC had successfully relaunched its Wonderful World of Disney in 1997 with Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. After it's 1999 version of Annie was also a hit, Disney stuck closer to home for its next big show. Drew Carey's self-titled sitcom was right in the middle of its almost 10-year run on ABC in 2000. Between his sitcom and his stint hosting the improv show Who's Line Is It Anyway, Carey was one of the most popular comedians on TV as the calendar changed to the 2000's. Louis-Dreyfus was almost as popular, coming off the run of the phenomenally beloved Seinfeld. Disney threw them both into their next TV musical, switching Pinocchio to focus on his woodcarver father and the Blue Fairy. Does this work, or should it be swallowed by a whale? Let's begin with the title character (Carey) as all of the children in town rush to his store to buy new toys, and find out...

The Story: Geppetto is tired of seeing children with scolding parents, thinking that he'd be the perfect father. He gets a chance to learn how hard it is to be a parent when the Blue Fairy (Louis-Dreyfus) makes his puppet Pinocchio (Adkins) come to life. Pinocchio is lively and funny, but he's also a bundle of questions when he should be sleeping, wanders off downtown, and isn't interested in woodcarving like his father. Geppetto sends his new son to school, only for him to come home admitting he got into a fight after imitating the other boys. Geppetto is furious with his son and with the Blue Fairy, who points out that no child or parent is perfect. 

By the time he's willing to listen, Pinocchio has run away with Stromboli (Spiner) and his puppet show. When Geppetto goes to see the show, Stromboli tells him his son went to see the world. What Pinocchio really did was board a carriage to Pleasure Island. Geppetto goes after him, encountering an inept magician (Wayne Brady) and a town filled with perfect, obedient children made by Professor Bunoragazzo (Rene Auberjononis). He and Stromboli arrive at Pleasure Island almost at the same time, but they're both thrown out for being adults. When Pinocchio and the other boys at the Island turn into donkeys, Geppetto follows him in a boat. He's swallowed by a whale, only to be reunited with a repentant Pinocchio. It then that they finally realize that being a parent means loving your child even when they're at their worst, and that the best any parent can do is help their child grow.

The Song and Dance: It's the song and dance, along with a relatively lavish production for a TV musical in 2000, that are the stand-outs. Some of the songs in Steven Schwartz's score aren't bad. I especially like "Satisfaction Guaranteed" for Professor Bunoragazzo and the townspeople and Geppetto and the Blue Fairy's counterpoint duet "Just Because It's Magic." Wayne Brady is hilarious in his sequence with Carey as the lousy magician, and Spiner makes for a funny and scary Stromboli. At the very least, this is better than the  live-action remake that focused on Pinocchio in 2022. 

The Numbers: We open with Carey singing "Once Upon a Time" as the traditional Disney Storybook opens. The first big chorus number is "Toys," as the kids in the town beg for Geppetto's wares, and Geppetto wishes he had a child of his own. "Empty Heart" is his lonely lament that he's never been blessed with a son. He's thrilled to be "Geppetto and Son," until Pinocchio constantly wanders off while he introduces him to the townspeople. The Blue Fairy tries to explain that "Just Because It's Magic" doesn't mean it guarantees a happy ending. We hear "I've Got No Strings" from the original film as Pinocchio dances with Stromboli's puppets. Stromboli's more likely to cheer himself in "Bravo Stromboli!" 

Lezamo the magician reprises "Toys" with Geppetto, reminding him that he's beloved by other children. Professor Bunoragazzo, his son (Christopher Marquette), and the townspeople of Idylla insist that they can deliver a perfect child "Satisfaction Guaranteed" in a huge chorus number, but Geppetto finds those so-called "perfect" children more creepy than delightful. Usher Raymond (aka Usher) is the "Pleasure Island" ringleader who encourages the boys there to break away from their parents' rules and do whatever they want. Geppetto reprises "Geppetto and Son" when Pinocchio finds him in the whale. He tells Stromboli he'll give him his business or anything he wants. He doesn't need anything "Since I Gave My Heart Away." This is also heard over the credits, performed by singer Sonya Issacs.

What I Don't Like: First and foremost, Carey and Louis-Dreyfus are too modern and goofy to work as a resident of fairy-tale Italy in the late 1800's and a magical fairy. Carey fully admitted he was miscast and that making this wasn't a happy affair. You don't buy him as a concerned father who just wants his son to listen. And...frankly, Geppetto's story isn't all that interesting. Some of the sequences, like the creepy "Satisfaction Guaranteed" town, have their moments, but it doesn't add up to much of a whole. You really wish they'd just done a live-action remake of Pinocchio 22 years early and focused on the character who actually does the growing up and makes the journey. 

The Big Finale: While it is better than the 2022 Pinocchio remake, considering how bad that was, that's not saying much. Unless you're a huge fan of Carey, Brady, or Louis-Dreyfus, you're better off just watching the original animated film on DVD or Disney Plus again.

Home Media: Disney is all too aware of the negative reception this one got. At press time, this is DVD only.

DVD

Animation Celebration Saturday - The Twits

Netflix, 2025

Voices of Margo Martindale, Johnny Vegas, Maitreyi Ramakrishnan, and Natalie Portman

Directed by Phil Johnston

Music and Lyrics by David Byrne and others

Our last animated review of 2025 takes us back to streaming for something that's been a long time coming. The Twits, the 1980 Roald Dahl children's book about a nasty couple who played pranks on each other and other people, had originally been optioned by Vanguard Animation back in 2003 as a live action/animated hybrid. It moved with Vanguard to Universal from Disney in 2006. There were mentions of it until around 2012, but it seemed to stall there until Netflix bought the Roald Dahl Story Company in 2022. How does this tale of a gruesome twosome who learn a lesson about meanness from a group of orphans look now? Let's begin as a mother firefly named Pippa (Emily Clarke) tells their story to her son Jeremy (Sami Amber) and find out...

The Story: Mrs. Credenza (Martindale) and Mr. James (Vegas) Twit are the proprietors of Twitlandia, an amusement park that is the only thing they love. After it's shut down on opening day for health violations, the Twits spitefully fill the water tower of the town Tripelot with liquid hot dog meat. This causes a massive explosion that floods the town and damages its reputation as the go-to place for fun.

Orphans Beesha (Ramakrishnan) and Busby (Ryan Lopez) have their own score to settle with the Twits. Busby was about to be adopted when the flood caused the couple who were interested to back out. Beesha takes Busby to Twitlandia, where the Twits gleefully admit to everything they did. Beesha also encounters a group of colorful monkeys called the Muggle-Wumps, who are being kept as the main attractions. The kids aren't able to rescue them right away, but Beesha does record the Twits' confession. The Twits are arrested, but are released by a family who desperately wants their help in making the town a center for fun again.

After they discover that the children have freed the Muggle-Wumps, the Twits chase them to the orphanage. Beesha won't let them in, claiming the orphanage belongs to the city. The Twits run for mayor, convincing everyone that they'll make them billionaires. When they trick Beesha into thinking her parents are coming for her, Mary Muggle-Wump (Portman) reminds her that family isn't always the one that's related to us. Sometimes, it's the one we create...and that there's a lot of people out there who are willing to help fight our battles. Beesha and all of the orphans learn their own lesson in empathy when they play the ultimate joke on the Twits to get them to admit they had no intention of helping the town...but it costs them their ability to understand the Muggle-Wumps.

The Animation: Though likely computer animated, it has the look of a jerky stop-motion animated film of the 80's and 90's like The Nightmare Before Christmas. Everything is all sharp angles, bushy, kinky hair, or squashed ovals. This adds to the unsettling story and the obscene and outrageous gross-out gags. The fact that most of the colors are fairly subdued makes the things that are more colorful - the Muggle-Wumps, Mrs. Twit's green hair - stand out all the more.

The Song and Dance: I give them credit just for getting this weird. Most animated musicals intended for kids don't go in for gross-out gags and strange scatological humor, which makes this almost oddly refreshing in that respect. Roald Dahl's trademark wacky-dry weirdness comes across loud and clear in Martindale and Vegas' appropriately loud and obnoxious performances. Ramakrishnan doesn't do too badly as the kid who wants to prove how "good" she can be so her parents will come back for her.

The Numbers: We begin with the Twits singing about how "We're Not Like Everyone Else" as they fill the water tower with liquid hot dog juice after their amusement park is condemned. Mary Mugga-Wump performs a "Lullaby" for the orphans to show how wonderful their dreams can be. The Twits claim that "The Problem Is You" as they campaign for mayor. We get an almost operatic "Twitlandia" over the destruction of their amusement park, then "Trick Me." The movie ends with "Open the Door" on being willing to grow and learn.

What I Don't Like: See the "gross-out gags" mentioned up there? What audience did Netflix intend this for again? It gets too weird and scary for younger kids, while older kids may be turned off by the cute kids and fantasy sequences with the Muggle-Wumps, and their parents my be too grossed-out to care. There's also that "inspired by" credit. Apparently, the book version of The Twits were a hateful couple who did make bird pie, use a special super-sticky glue to catch them, and own a group of colorful monkeys called Muggle-Wumps, but they intended to start a circus with the Muggle-Wumps, not an amusement park. There were four boys who scared the birds away, but they don't end up saving the Muggle-Wumps. The Muggle-Wumps were the ones who came up with the idea of gluing the Twits' furniture on the ceiling, not the kids. The whole subplot with the liquid meat and tricking the townspeople was invented for this movie.

The Big Finale: Definitely not for younger kids despite the PG rating, but older kids and pre-teens who like their humor rude and their action frantic and can tolerate a little sentimentality may find a lot more in this weird gross-out tale than I did. 

Home Media: It's currently a Netflix exclusive.

Netflix

Merry Christmas! - The Christmas Toy

ABC, 1986

Voices of Dave Golez, Steve Whitmire, Kathryn Mullen, and Brian Henson

Directed by Eric Till

Music and Lyrics by Jeff Moss

This year, we celebrate Christmas and New Year's with the Muppets in two very different lesser-known Muppet and Sesame Street specials. The Christmas Toy was Jim Henson's second shot at a holiday special after the more subdued Emmett Otter's Jug Band Christmas on cable. Christmas Toy goes in the opposite direction, with a more traditional holiday story in bright primaries revolving around toys and holiday friendship. How does this Muppet toy story look now, after other animated tales of playthings have come and gone? Let's begin with Kermit the Frog dressed as Santa goes down the chimney and introduces us to the Jones family and the residents of the playroom and find out...

The Story: Rugby Tiger (Golez) is little Jamie's (Marsha Moreau) favorite toy that she got for Christmas last year. When he hears it's Christmas Eve, he thinks he'll be opened and found by Jamie again. Trouble is, if toys are found out of place, they're frozen permanently. Rugby and Mew the Cat Toy (Whitmire) go downstairs to climb into a box so Jamie can open him, but it's not that easy. Jamie does have a new big toy this year, Meteora the Space Queen (Camille Bonora), who thinks they're aliens. Meanwhile, Apple the Rag Doll (Mullen) convinces Cruiser the Cab Driver (Henson), Belmont the nervous ride-on horse (Richard Hunt), and Bleep the Robot (Rob Mills) to help her rescue Rugby and keep him from getting them all frozen. Rugby ends up learning a lesson in real friendship when Mew not only helps him convince Meteora to get back in the box, but sacrifices himself to save the others, too.

The Song and Dance: This charming special is faster-paced and more high-energy than Emmett Otter, but just as much fun. Golez revels in playing the hilariously egotistical Rugby, who thinks that just because he's Jessie's favorite toy means he'll stay that way forever. Whitmire is adorable as Mew, who remains a loyal friend despite Rugby insulting him about being a cat toy. The songs are really catchy too, with "Try the Impossible" and the heartbreaking "Together at Christmas" the standouts. I love the bright color palate on the toys, the deep blacks and glittering silvers and golds of Meteora and the tree in the living room, and some of the gags, especially when they try to get Meteora back in the box!

The Numbers: We open with a big chorus routine for the toys, as we're introduced to their world in the play room and how "Toys Love to Play." "I Was the Greatest Christmas Toy" is Rugby's recollection of the year before and how it made him feel like a big star. Apple reprises it briefly in the living room when she remembers it, too...but she felt left out when Jamie said Rugby was now her favorite. Apple tells Belmont and the other toys to "Try the Impossible" as she rounds up a posse to rescue Rugby and Mew. Rugby coaxes Metora back into the box by singing "The Song of Meteora," telling her how much she'll be adored the next day. Mew already adores her and occasionally adds his besotted asides. "Together at Christmas" is Rugby's sad song to Mew downstairs after he's been frozen. Kermit the Frog joins the toys to reprise it for the finale in the play room.

Trivia: This would be spun off into a series in the 90's, The Secret Life of Toys. 

The copy currently on DVD deletes the opening and closing intros with Kermit the Frog. (Fortunately, most streaming copies are uncut and retain Kermit.) 

What I Don't Like: The story itself is nothing new, and is even less original after all of the Toy Story films have come and gone. In fact, this has a lot in common with the Toy Story movies, including a space-themed protagonist who doesn't believe they're a toy, a favorite toy who is jealous of the space toy, and the general idea of toys coming to life. The special mostly focuses on Rugby, Mew, and their relationship, with a little of Apple and Belmont in the rescue sequence. I'd love to learn more about the other toys, especially wise old teddy Balthazar (Jerry Nelson), super-cool Cruiser, and the fashion doll who, in a running gag, keeps missing all the action because she's constantly changing clothes to fit the mood. 

The Big Finale: A charming special with some great songs and delightful characters that's well worth checking out with your kids this holiday weekend, especially if any of them are big Toy Story or Muppet Show fans. 

Home Media: The DVD is currently expensive, and as mentioned, is missing the opening and closing segments with Kermit anyway. You're better off looking for this one on streaming. 

DVD

Amazon Prime

Musicals On Streaming - Christmas On the Square

Warner Bros/Netflix, 2020

Starring Dolly Pardon, Christine Baranski, Jenifer Lewis, and Josh Segarra

Directed by Debbie Allen

Music and Lyrics by Dolly Pardon

Our first live-action holiday musical of the season is about as traditional as you can get. Despite the pandemic still raging when this came out, this was a surprise hit on Netflix in 2020, and even won an Emmy for best TV movie in 2021. Is it still as much fun five years later, when there's no health event going on, or is there just a little too much cheese here to enjoy? Let's begin in an obviously fake town square, as people are dancing and celebrating the start of the Christmas season...at least until one expensive car pulls into the Square...and find out...

The Story: Regina Fuller (Baranski) is more than happy to hand out eviction notices to every business in Fullerville two days before Christmas. She claims she wants to build a mall on the land, but she really just wants the town gone. The town is the namesake of her father Jack (Douglas Sills), whom she thought turned her away after she had a baby out of wedlock. She learns her lessons from an angel (Pardon), her angel-in-training Felicity (Jeanine Mason) who is working as Regina's assistant, and from Violet (Selah Kimbro Jones), the girl who works at her father's bar and is the only person to treat Regina kindly after the evictions come down, and from a scare with a possible brain tumor about the importance of life, of forgiveness, and seeing the big picture, even in our grief.

The Song and Dance: Baranski and Pardon are the thing here in this big, bright, bold musical. This is about as typical of a holiday musical as you can get, but Baranski's sarcasm, especially in the first half, cuts the sugar level. Pardon gets some funny moments too, especially with Mason when she's either not getting through to her angry employer or fed up with her attitude problem. Broadway singer Jenifer Lewis has some funny moments too as Regina's best friend Margeline who wishes she'd just cut the attitude problem and see what she's doing to the town. The bright-colored sets evoke a polished local stage show or an old MGM musicals, with their blatantly unrealistic old-fashioned look.

The Numbers: We open with "Christmas Is," as everyone in Fullerville prepares for the big holiday...just as Regina shows up with her eviction notices and the constantly apologizing Felicity. "You" is Pastor Christian Hathaway (Segarra) and his wife Jenna's (Mary Lane Haskell) duet as they admit that while they may not have been blessed with children, they still have each other. Salon owner Margeline is called to do Regina's hair, but she ends up calling her the "Queen of Mean" before telling her to do it herself. Regina's ex-boyfriend Carl (Treat Williams) who owns the local thrift shop calls himself a "Keeper of Memories," not merely a junk store owner.

When the homeless woman in the square reveals herself to be Angel (Pardon), she tells Regina that "Everyone Needs an Angel." Regina needs to "Light Her Lamp" and remember the good times with her father. The town calls Regina "The Wickedest Witch of the Middle" at a church meeting, then encourages everyone to "Try" to be the best they can be. Violet and Regina commiserate at the bar as they admit their lives haven't exactly been a "Fairy Tale." "Maybe, Just Maybe" is Regina's song, which she sings four times, in the opening and before, during, and after her brain tumor scan as she wonders if she can change her life and if she wants to. Jack gives "A Father's Prayer" when he takes his daughter's baby, then puts him up for adoption so he'll have a better life than his mother can give him.

"Christmas Is" turns up again for Felicity as she tries to point out to Regina what she's doing to the town again. Jenna reprises "Try" as she wishes she could conceive a child and have a home to give it. Angel performs "Angels Know" as her magic awakens Violet after a car accident and gives Jenna what she longed for. Margeline and the townspeople raise the roof with a gospel version of "Try." Angel sings of "An Angel's Prayer" as she hovers over the church pulpit on Christmas Eve. Regina sings for everyone to "Forgive Me," including her newly-found son, as she finally admits that the animosity she held to the town and her father was wrong. The movie ends with the entire town - including the two angels - reprising "Christmas Is." Pardon sings "Try" over the credits.

Trivia: The song "Try" was originally written for and featured on Pardon's 2014 album Blue Smoke.

What I Don't Like: Another award this one was nominated for was "Campiest TV Show"....and oh boy, did it deserve that. This is about as campy of a modern musical as you can get. There's so many numbers, it's practically an operetta. They lay on the forgiveness Aesop with the thickest, ripest cheese possible, and it can be way too much. There's also the obviously fake sets. This is not a real town. The square is obviously not a real square, the houses aren't real houses. It's more like a play you'd see at your local repertory theater than a TV movie. The dialogue borders on stiff and well-meaning to the point of being annoying sometimes, especially for the Pastor and his wife. Not to mention, there's the ridiculously melodramatic story that comes off as a cross between It's a Wonderful Life, A Christmas Carol, and The Bishop's Wife and veers between silly and predictable. 

The Big Finale: It's worth seeing at least once if you're a big fan of Pardon or Baranski or want to check out a modern version of those big studio-bound musicals of the 40's and 50's.

Home Media: Easily found on Netflix and on DVD.

DVD

Netflix

Animation Celebration Saturday - The Nutcracker (1995)

Jetlag Productions/Goodtimes Entertainment, 1995

Voices of Andrea Libman, Tony Ail, Nathan Aswell, and Kathleen Barr

Directed by Toshiyuki Haruma and Takashi Masunga

Music by Nicholas "Nick" Carr, Ray Crossley, and Andrew Dimitoff; Lyrics by Joellyn Cooperman

Our last review for the year of a low-budget animated knock-off from the 90's is actually much better than you might think. Though there was an Canadian animated Nutcracker film that came out in 1992, most previous versions of The Nutcracker were short subjects or live-action recordings of the ballet. That and the fact that this sticks more to the original story The Nutcracker and the Mouse King by E.H Hoffman than to the ballet makes this unique among Nutcracker adaptations, and gives it a stronger plot than most of the Jetlag films as well. How well does this do with the whimsical story? Let's begin as Marie (Libman) and her brother Fritz wait to see their tree and open presents and find out...

The Story: Marie and Fritz love their presents, especially his toy soldiers and the Nutcracker she found on the tree. Their Godfather Drosselmeyer brings them a special present - a castle with figures that really move in an endless loop. Fritz is quickly bored with it, but Marie thinks it's lovely. 

That night, she sees the Nutcracker and toy soldiers fight an evil seven-headed Mouse King. She throws her shoe at the Mouse King to distract him and save the Nutcracker, but hits her head while doing so. She wakes up with a bump on her head, in her bed with her parents worried. Godfather Drosselmeyer tells her how the Nutcracker had once been his handsome young nephew who cracked a nut for the Princess Pirlipat. The princess was cursed into ugliness by the Mouse Queen when her parents trapped the Mouse Queen's children. The cracked nut changed the Princess into a beautiful young woman, but with her last breath, the Mouse Queen transferred the curse to the nephew and turned him into the Nutcracker.

Late at night, the Mouse King comes to Marie and demands her candy, then her clothes and books, or he'll destroy the Nutcracker. Marie knows she can't keep doing this, but she doesn't want her Nutcracker hurt. She finally gets Fritz to give up a sword, so he can defeat the evil Mouse King once and for all and take Marie to the magnificent Christmas Wood, Candy Town, and the Marzipan Castle. She wonders if it was all a dream, until Godfather Drosselmeyer comes and introduces his very familiar nephew...

The Animation: Not the greatest thing ever, but not bad for Jetlag. Everyone has the same enormous blue eyes, but at least the humans have more than one expression. There's some wonderful details on the colorful Christmas Woods and Marzipan Castle in the second half. I do wish they hadn't made the Mouse Queen and Mouse King look so cute and cuddly! It belies their roles as terrifying villains. 

The Song and Dance:  This wound up being a rather big surprise. There couldn't be a greater contrast between this and our previous direct-to-video animated review, The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Here, the whimsical comic tone is appropriate for a satirical fantasy. It even uses the entire backstory with Princess Pirlipat that most ballet-centered versions leave out. Marie is adorable, Fritz is funny, and Godfather Drosselmeyer is appropriately roguish, especially insisting that Marie's dreams are true.

The Numbers: We open with "The Season of Love" as unnamed singers tell us what's to come over scenes of people preparing for Christmas. Marie, dressed as a princess, enjoys "Dancing Through the Night" with the Nutcracker near the end of the film. It ends with "A Dream Come True" as Drosselmeyer's nephew and Marie return to the Marzipan Castle, this time to dance forever. "Season of Love" is reprised over the credits.

What I Don't Like: Though it has a better story and script than most of the Jetlag animated movies, it's still a cheap animated knock-off from the 90's. The animation is colorful but stiff, the few songs are tinny and unmemorable ballads, and the Mouse Queen and King are much too cute and cuddly-looking to be believable as villains. You wonder why Marie believed this seven-headed cutie would ever hurt anything, let alone her Nutcracker. 

The Big Finale: Actually, this isn't a bad introduction to the original Nutcracker and the Mouse King for elementary school-aged kids who will enjoy the story and action and be able to overlook the cheap animation and songs.

Home Media: Easily found on DVD and on streaming, the latter currently for free with commercials at Tubi.

DVD

Tubi

Thanksgiving Short Subject Special - A Thanksgiving Tale

Showtime, 1983

Directed by James Field

Voices of Paul Fusco, Lisa Buckley, Richard Schellbach, and Lisa Fusco

Music and Lyrics by Richard Schellbach

In 1982 and 1983, Paul Fusco made four holiday puppet-based holiday specials for Showtime that showed off his puppeteering abilities. I covered the Easter special back in April. The Thanksgiving special debuted later in 1983 and would also turn up on Nickelodeon and elsewhere throughout the 80's. Like the rest of Fusco's early work, it vanished in the early 90's, only to reappear in the 2010's as streaming made early holiday programming more widely available. Is it as enjoyable as the Easter special? Let's begin in an alley in Newark, New Jersey with a group of very hungry cats and find out...

The Story: The cats live in a tool shed in the alley. They have a home, but have run out of food. The dogs who guard the restaurant next-door have cleared out all of the mice. They have plenty of food, thanks to their jobs, but live outside in the freezing cold. The cats think they have their Thanksgiving dinner all sewn up when Tom, a turkey with Broadway ambitions (Fusco), turns up on their doorstep. The dogs try to rescue him, which eventually results in a literal cat and dog fight. It's Queenie the female cat (Buckley) and Tom who finally realize that each group has what the other needs. Tom puts on a play that finally teaches both groups the importance of sharing what they have and working together.

The Song and Dance: For 30 years, I had vague memories of a Thanksgiving puppet special involving a group of cats and dogs who end up helping each other. I couldn't remember the title or any other details, until the Fusco shows started turning up on YouTube. I definitely enjoy this one more than the Easter special. The story is charming and unique, Fusco's Tom Turkey and his theatrical aspirations are hilarious (and he doesn't sound too much like his later creation ALF this time), and the cats and dogs all have well-delineated and very funny personalities. The puppets are slightly more interesting, too, with Tom being by far the most expressive.

The Numbers: The dogs get our first song, as they lament shivering outside and being homeless in "They Say It's a Dog's Life." The cats give their side of the story and why they think they own their turf in "We are the Cats." We finish after their Thanksgiving pageant with Tom and both groups realizing how important friendship and cooperation is in "Thanksgiving Magic." 

What I Don't Like: Though the story and puppets are a bit more interesting than the ones made for the Easter show, this is still pretty obviously a low-budget special made for cable in the early 80's. The sets are minimal, the characters can occasionally be grating, the score mainly consists of synthesizer music, and there's some mild Mexican stereotypes with the displaced chihuahua. 

The Big Finale: I'm glad to see that this mostly holds up pretty well. It remains a fun watch before Thanksgiving dinner for families with young kids or fans of ALF, the Muppets, or other similar kids' puppet shows.

Home Media: Streaming only, but it can be found for free with commercials pretty much anywhere, including Tubi and Amazon Prime.

Tubi

Amazon Prime

Family Fun Saturday - Wicked: For Good

Universal, 2025

Starring Cynthia Ervio, Ariana Grande, Johnathan Bailey, and Jeff Goldblum

Directed by Jon M. Chu

Music and Lyrics by Steven Schwartz

The idea of making Wicked into two separate movies was controversial from the outset. For one thing, the second act of the musical has always been problematic on Broadway. (And to be fair, the second half of the book the show is based on is, too.) Critics have long carped that it's long on plot and melodrama and short on music and characterization. For another, most movies separated into two parts are science fiction multi-verses or big action movies, not musicals. How well does this work with the story of how Elphaba and Glinda embrace their destinies and become the Witches of Oz? Let's begin with the creation of a familiar golden road, helped along by abused animals, and find out...

The Story: Five years after Elphaba (Ervio) left the Wizard's (Goldblum) tower, she's still fighting for animal rights from her own home in the woods. Fiyero (Bailey) is engaged to Glinda (Grande), who is the Wizard's assistant and spokes-witch. She still has no powers of her own, so Madame Morrible (Michelle Yeoh) gives her a flying bubble to transport her around Oz. Elphaba tries to encourage the animals of Oz to join her, but they'd rather flee than go up against the Wizard once the Cowardly Lion (Colman Domingo) wails that he never wanted to be freed from his cage as a cub.

Elphaba's sister Nessarose (Marissa Bode) is angry and resentful because Elphaba abandoned her and didn't come to their father's funeral. She's also frustrated with Boq (Ethan Slater), who tries to leave her and return to Glinda. Nessa uses Elphaba's "Grimmerie" spell book to make him love her, but it shrinks his heart instead. Elphaba's attempt to fix the spell just turns him into a Tin Man. 

Elphaba flees to the Emerald City, where the Wizard and Glinda almost persuade her to join them...until she sees animals in cages below his throne room. She releases the animals and lets them stampede over Glinda and Fiyero's wedding. Furious when Fiyero joins Elphaba, Glinda tells Madame Morrible to use a rumor that Nessa is in trouble to bring Elphaba out of hiding. 

Morrible creates a tornado that drops the house belonging to Kansas resident Dorothy Gale (Bethany Weaver) on Nessa instead. Glinda and Elphaba initially come to blows when Glinda gives Dorothy Nessa's shoes, until Fiyero turns up. While Elphaba is determined to save him and get the shoes back, Glinda realizes how important their friendship is when she learns about the tornado and decides that when it comes to friendship, doing the right thing is far more important than any public image.

The Song and Dance: Whew! Some people may have questioned separating the two movies, but I think they did the right thing. There's enough plot for three fantasy movies just in this half! It does correct some of the problems from the first half of the film and the original Broadway show, including giving Boq and Nessa (slightly) more to do, bringing in Dorothy earlier, showing Glinda and Fiyero's wedding, and focusing more on Elphaba's attempts to help the animals. Ervio and especially Grande give powerhouse performances as the two witches, while Goldblum is suitably smarmy as the Wizard who was never able to leave his busker side in Kansas. The production remains stunning, with incredible, glittery costumes and a brilliant Technicolor mix of CGI and practical effects.

The Numbers: We open with "Every Day More Wicked," a reprise of "No One Mourns the Wicked," as the citizens of Oz worry about the havoc wrecked by the Wicked Witch of the West. "Thank Goodness" they have Glinda, who claims "I Couldn't Be Happier" to have everything she wants. Elphaba tries to rally the animals to remain in Oz by reminding them that "There's No Place Like Home," but the Cowardly Lion breaks into her big power ballad. "The Wicked Witch of the East" is the extended sequence where Nessa tries to make Boq love her and both sisters end up causing more damage in the end.

"Wonderful" is the Wizard's song, as he and Glinda remind Elphaba that truth can be bent and is what people want to hear. Glinda laments "I'm Not that Girl" after her ruined wedding and Fiyero runs off with Elphaba. The two lovers declare that "As Long as Your Mine," nothing else matters. Furious when her attempt to keep Fiyero from harm transforms him instead, Elphaba angrily declares "No Good Deed" goes unpunished. Boq, now the Tin Man, leads the charge with "March of the Witch Hunters" chorus. Glinda realizes how badly she's been manipulated in "The Girl In the Bubble," the other new song written for the film. Elphaba and Glinda make their tearful goodbyes at the abandoned castle where Elphaba is keeping Dorothy, realizing that they have changed each other "For Good." Everyone gets their just rewards in "A Wicked Good Finale," including Glinda, Elphaba, and the animals.

What I Don't Like: First of all, it's the same deal here as in the first film. If you're not a fan of fantasy, musicals, or The Wizard of Oz (or darker Oz retellings), you're not going to be into this. This is still a colorful world where people burst into song. Second, it may be too dark for people expecting something funnier and lighter like the first film or the 1939 Wizard of Oz. They tried to dial down the violence and sexuality from the book, but it's still pretty violent, and there is the "As Long as You're Mine" romantic sequence. Frankly, this half moves way too slow at times, especially in the middle of the film with the "March of the Witch Hunters," and I never thought the love triangle was all that interesting even in the original show (or the book). 

The Big Finale: While I don't think this is quite as good as the first movie, I don't think it's nearly as horrible as critics are making it out to be, either. They're either not musical fans or were expecting "more of the same." If you give this one a chance and have time on your hands, you may find a lot to love on the darker side of Oz.

Home Media: The DVD and Blu-Ray are scheduled to debut on January 26th. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

4K

Amazon Prime

Animation Celebration Saturday - The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

Golden Films, 1996

Voices of Susan Silo, Charles Martinent, Jeff Bennett, and Cam Clarke

Directed by Diane Paloma Eskanazi

Music and Lyrics by various

Though Golden Films did occasionally dip into original material, like every other direct-to-video animation studio in the 90's and early 2000's, they mostly put out imitations of whatever Disney movie was out at the time. This may have been one of the most unlikely. People at the time were shocked that Disney put out an animated version of this dark, religion-soaked story...and then every direct-to-video studio in existence started doing their versions. Given that the original novel is pretty heavy-going and doesn't even have a happy ending, how does Golden Films deal with those dark themes? Well...they pretty much ignore them. Let's see how different things are in this retelling, starting with a song about spring in Paris...in a story set in the early 1800's...

The Story: Melody (Silo), her mother, and their fellow gypsies are persecuted by the handsome but greedy Jean Claude (Martinent), who has eliminated all magic and music from Paris. Melody and her singing and dancing musical instruments are forced to flee for Notre Dame. There, she falls in love with shy Quasimodo (Bennett) the bell ringer. Melody and the instruments leave when Jean Claude takes Melody's mother hostage, but Melody ends up captured herself. The instruments are the ones who must warn Quasimodo and encourage him to put aside his shyness and rescue his beloved Romani girl.

The Animation: Same as all the other Golden Films productions. The colors are gorgeous, bright and saturated, but the characters all have the same pale blue eyes and no expressions whatsoever. They don't even have the lavish costumes worn by characters in some of the other Golden productions. Everyone wears the same clothes throughout the movie.

The Song and Dance: Well...as out of place as they are, some of the songs are mildly catchy. Bennett at least sounds appropriately gentle and kind as Quasimodo, and there's those bright colors. They help bring a lot more zip to this otherwise pedestrian retelling.

The Numbers: We open with "Dance to the Music of Paris," in which the gypsies celebrate every Parisian stereotype that likely didn't exist in Paris in the early 1800's, including cafes and can-can dancers. "When I'm Looking at You" is the jaunty love song Melody and Quasimodo perform with the bats and mice who live in Notre Dame as Quasimodo rings the bells. Melody turns her prison into a beautiful room in the upbeat and completely inappropriate "When the Magic Is In Your Heart." "It's Like We're Alive" sing the people of Paris after Quasimodo rescues Melody. The movie ends with a reprise of "When I'm Looking at You" over the end credits.

What I Don't Like: What in the heck is this? Disney's version has its fair share of problems and flaws, but at least they retained the book's somber tone and dark look at religious hypocrisy. "Upbeat Broadway musical" does not suit this story or these characters. This feels more like Beauty and the Beast with a hunchback beast, up to and including the Gaston-like Jean Claude. Did Jean Claude and Quasimodo need to be brothers? They did nothing with that after Jean Claude's info dump in the opening. 

The bats, mice, and talking instruments are even more worthless as sidekicks than the annoying talking gargoyles in the Disney film. The instruments admittedly do help rescue Melody, but the bats and mice are useless beyond the "When I'm Looking at You" number. Every single song is an upbeat dance number, even ones like "When I'm Looking at You" and Melody's prison number that are performed during romantic or somber moments. In fact, they totally ruin the impact of those moments. 

How about all those anachronistic Paris stereotypes in the opening, or the dated depiction of the Romani, or the random scene where Melody's mother makes all the animals on the farm dance that's there for no reason, or Quasimodo is less frightening and more "shy, slightly hunched over good looking guy." And even Disney didn't marry him off to the Esmeralda character, something that definitely did not come from the book. 

The Big Finale: This is by far the worst and most ridiculous of the Disney imitations of the 90's and early millennium I've seen. Don't even bother with this one unless you have very, very bored younger children who want to watch something online and won't mind the lack of book-accuracy, dull characters, and out-of-place songs.

Home Media: If you absolutely must see this, it can be found on DVD paired with four other Golden Films titles and solo on streaming. 

DVD - Magical Tales

Tubi

Animation Celebration Saturday - The Sneeches (2025)

Netflix, 2025

Voices of Amari McCoy, Sophie Peterson, Christopher Fitzgerald, and Cristina Valenzuela

Directed by Bronah O'Hanlon

Music and Lyrics by Greg Nicolett

This isn't the first time we've met the Sneeches, the class-conscious yellow critters with stars on their bellies who live at the beaches, at this blog. I reviewed the half-hour anthology special they debuted in, Dr. Seuss on the Loose, last year. Netflix got the rights to make children's cartoons from beloved Seuss characters who hadn't turned up as often in animation. They already did One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and Horton the Elephant as children's shows. This is their first special, and the first Seuss special since Daisy-Head Mayzie in 1995. How does this class-war parable look on streaming? Let's begin with the pelican Daniel (Fitzgerald) and the story of how the Sneeches fractured into two warring groups and find out...

The Story: The Sneeches make up two groups, the star-bellies and the moon-bellies, each of whom believe their tummy symbol to be the better one. The star-bellies live in trees, while the moon-bellies make their homes by the ocean. That's the way it's always been, until imaginative star-belly child Stella Sneedly (McCoy) takes her many creative ideas to the beaches. There, she meets moon-belly Pearl Puddlesnuff (Peterson), a shy young miss who can build everything Stella comes up with. They become instant best friends, sneaking away to see each other whenever they have the chance.

Stella insists on meeting Pearl's parents and seeing her world. Given the animosity between the star and moon-bellies, this is impossible, until Stella invents and Pearl builds a machine that can erase and change symbols. Now the girls can visit each other's worlds...but Stella has no idea about living on the seas, while Pearl is upset and offended by the star bellies' Star Festival with speeches that verbally attack the moon bellies. When a huge storm threatens both groups, it's up to Stella and Pearl to come up with a way of protecting everyone and proving that "no Sneech is the best on the beaches."

The Animation: Colorful, rounded, and utterly charming. Netflix really had fun with this. You can see every bit of fur on the girls and every line of those green symbols that cause so much trouble. There's so much detail the girls' worlds, especially by the ocean, that you wish you had more time to explore it all. Honestly, it seems a little bit too soft and round for the bright, sketchy world of Dr. Seuss...but it works fine for a young children's show.

The Song and Dance: Divorced from its source material, this is a charming and lively little parable about two very different kids who become friends and just want to see how the other lives. McCoy is a sweet ball of energy as Stella, while Peterson's more nervous energy is adorable. The colorful animation is another plus, with it's incredible attention to detail. 

The Numbers: We open with Stella's "Something Wonderful" as she dances among the star-belly Sneeches, creating new inventions and pointing out how much fun something different can be. She reprises this after arguing with her family over the Star Festival and her inventions. Pearl and Stella say "Me Too!" when they realize how much they have in common when they first meet. "Look at This!" says Stella as she and Pearl explore the moon-bellied Sneeches' ocean-going world. "Something Wonderful" is reprised in the finale when all of the Sneeches come together to admit that being different can be pretty cool.

What I Don't Like: Um...what does this have to do with The Sneeches? In the original story and the 1973 special, there were only star-bellied Sneeches and Sneeches with nothing on their bellies. The star-bellied Sneeches snubbed the ones with no stars. Sylvester McMonkey McBean was a con-man monkey, not a kid's pet, and the original inventor of the symbol-removing machines. In the book (and a subsequent Russian short based on it), the Sneeches never do learn their lesson. The 1973 version comes a little closer to this, with the Sneeches realizing that "no Sneech is the best on the beaches." All of this is cute, but it's not nearly as memorable as the rather cynical original story or the slightly-more-hopeful 1973 cartoon.

The Big Finale: Great for families with young kids who'll appreciate the story and the engaging central best-friend pair and won't care about the lack of book-accuracy. 

Home Media: This is currently a Netflix exclusive. 

Netflix

Animation Celebration Saturday - Willy McBean and His Magic Machine

Magna Pictures Distribution Corporation, 1965

Voices of Billie Mae Richards, Larry Mann, Alfie Scopp, and Paul Kligman

Directed by Arthur Rankin Jr. and Kizo Nagashima

Music and Lyrics by Edward Thomas, Gene Forrell, and James Polack

We kick off November with Rankin-Bass' first foray on the big screen. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer had just been a sensation about six months before they released this. Unfortunately, Rankin-Bass doesn't seem to have ever had the same luck in the theaters that they did on TV. All of their theatrical films were eventually relegated to children's matinees and after-school showings on local stations, but does that mean they're without merit? To find out, we begin not with the title character, but with the evil Professor Von Rotten (Mann), who is gloating about his inventions to the talking monkey Pablo (Scopp).

The Story: Professor Von Rotten has invented a magic time machine that'll allow him to change history and become the first to do something great. Pablo breaks loose and runs off to find help. He ends up at the home of Willy McBean (Richards), a young boy who loves tinkering with his own inventions and finds studying history to be boring. He gets an eye-opener when Pablo tells him about the Professor's plan. Willy is able to create his own "magic machine," allowing him and Pablo to go back in time and stop the Professor and discover that history is a lot more exciting than it looks in school books.

The Animation: Actually a bit disappointing for Rankin-Bass. You can tell this one of their earlier efforts. The characters aren't as expressive as they are even in Rudolph. They move jerkily, and sometimes limbs or pieces will be missing or in the wrong place. That said, everything is fairly detailed, especially the backgrounds in the Wild West and Camelot.

The Song and Dance: Decent first movie effort from Rankin-Bass is anchored by some really fun performances. Mann in particular has a blast as the overly dramatic Professor, who is less evil than determined to be the first at something, anything, and leave a lasting legacy to history. Richards has some funny moments as skeptical Willie, while Kligman and Claude Rae throw themselves into their many characters with relish. And yes, that is a young James Doohan, just a year prior to Star Trek: The Original Series, as the voices of General Custer and Merlin. 

The Numbers: The chorus begins and ends the movie by describing "The Magic Machine" and what it can do. "Professor Rasputin Von Rotten" introduces himself and his desire to be remembered through history for something major shortly after the opening credits. Sitting Bull (Kligman) and Pablo admit "We Got Showbiz." Christopher Columbus (Kligman) and the sailors claim "Gotta Go West to Go East." The Professor tells Queen Isabella "I Am For Hire." Arthur (Claude Rae) and his men introduce themselves as "We're Knights of the Round Table (Not the Square)." The dragon (Scopp) they're supposed to fight claims "I'm the Most Exciting, Horrible Dragon In All of Camelot"...but he's really far from it. King Tut (Bunny Cowan) listens to his chorus girl queen (Corinne Conley) complain about being the "Poorest Queen" in all of Egypt. "A Caveman's Lot" is a difficult one for the neanderthals Willy and Pablo encounter.

What I Don't Like: First of all, this hasn't dated well at all, and not just the jerky animation. Name your stereotype, from Italian to Native American to Chinese, and it's probably here. Not to mention, I think this is intended to be a spoof of history. People knew the world was round years before Christopher Columbus, his men mutinied because he was a lousy sailor and a bad captain despite his ambitions, and though the Arthur legends may have their basis in fact, they're really more myths than history. 

Second, the whole idea is just too bizarre for words. Couldn't the Professor have found a far more evil reason for wanting to go back in time than just being first at something? Like most Rankin-Bass villains, he's rather easily reformed in the end, too. Pablo and his silly Mexican accent get really annoying really fast, too. 

The Big Finale: Bizarre bit of lunacy is mainly for Rankin-Bass completists and those trying to amuse their elementary-school age children for an hour and a half online.

Home Media: Which makes it just as well that, to my knowledge, this has never been released on disc in North America. The only way you can currently find it is on YouTube. 

YouTube

Family Fun Saturday - Zombies 4: Dawn of the Vampires

Disney, 2025

Starring Meg Donnelly, Milo Manheim, Malachi Barton, and Freya Skye

Directed by Paul Hoen

Music and Lyrics by various

ZOMBIES has been one of Disney's most popular franchises since the original film debuted in 2018. I thought this one ended in 2022, but the subsequent animated show was enough of a success to revive interest in the films. Apparently, Disney was right to return to this well. This wound up being a hit this summer, on the Disney Channel and on Disney Plus. Is the fourth time the charm, or should this franchise be defanged? Let's begin back at Seabrook, just as zombie Zed (Manheim) and part-alien, part-human Allison (Donnelly) are finishing their first year at Mountain College, and find out...

The Story: Zed and Allison intend to spend the summer at separate camps to focus on joining the first-string football team and becoming head cheerleader. They're driving to the camp grounds with Zed's fellow zombie Eliza (Kylee Russell) and werewolf Willa (Chandler Kinney) when an energy surge damages Zed's band that keeps him human, causing him to lose control of the car. They have no idea where they've crashed and split up to find help.

Zed runs across the Daywalkers, led by Commander Bright (Jonno Roberts) and his sweet daughter Nova (Skye), while Allison befriends the live-by-night Vampires, headed by slightly nerdy Victor (Barton) and their eldress (Liza Chappell). The two groups subside on blood fruit and have been competing for the dwindling supply for centuries. Victor and Nova are being taught to follow in their parents' footsteps, but they end up bringing everyone together when they discover the gate to the orchard is locked. Zed and Allison encourage the two group to learn about each other at the abandoned Camp Rayburn, and Victor and Nova admit that they've been having visions of each other. 

Though the kids do come together, their adult leaders don't understand. Not to mention, the energy surges continue, threatening werewolves and zombies far beyond the camp. Zed and Allison have to teach Victor and Nova and their groups that working together is the best way to solve your differences, and there's more than one way to live.

The Song and Dance: At the least, the filming in New Zealand is gorgeous, with its emerald grass and sparkling forests, is absolutely gorgeous. You can understand why people would argue over this land. Donnelly and Manheim remain charming, and there's some terrific group dance numbers, especially in the second half. 

The Numbers: We open with Allison and the cheerleaders and Zed and the football players all claim to be "Legends In the Making" at Mountain College. The two different groups of Vampires insist that their valley home is "The Place to Be," but claim "Don't Mess With Us" when they learn about the dwindling food supply. It's a "Dream Come True" for Victor and Nova when they realize they've been having visions of each other. Nova insists she must lead the Daywalkers "My Own Way." Zed and Allison remind the vampires that anything is "Possible" when they search for the clues to open the way to the blood fruit orchard. They will "Show the World" that they call all work together, cause there "Ain't No Doubt About It," Zed and Allison make a great pair. They come "Together as One" in the finale.

What I Don't Like: Can we say "rehash?" This is basically the same idea as the first movie with a different type of monster and moved outside. The camp setting gives it mild echoes of the Camp Rock franchise, too. Frankly, while Skye and Barton are adorable, they aren't interesting enough to offset their cliched romance or the twice-told story. The music isn't really all that memorable, either. 

The Big Finale: Girls in the appropriate 8 to 12 age range who are already big horror or musical fans will likely get a lot more out of this supernatural love story than I did.

Home Media: It's a Disney Plus exclusive at the moment.

Disney Plus

Musicals On TV - Hansel and Gretel (1958)

NBC, 1958

Starring Barbara Cook, Red Buttons, Stubby Kaye, and Hans Conried

Directed by Paul Bogart

Music by Alec Wilder; Lyrics by William Engvik

Let's take in one more fantasy before moving on to our Halloween Horror-a-Thon next week. The success of Rogers and Hammerstein's Cinderella in 1957 prompted a series of fairy-take musicals on TV in the late 50's. NBC, who had originally commissioned Cinderella, gathered an impressive cast for this charming retelling of the famous Grimm's story about two children who end up in the clutches of a witch in a candy house. Does it reach the heights of Cinderella? Let's begin in the town square, as the Town Crier (Kaye) announces the beginning of Market Day, and find out...

The Story: A poor woodcarver (Rudy Vallee) and his wife (Rise Stevens) are having trouble selling their wares at the market. The witch (Conried) and her helpers Eenie (Will B. Able), Meenie (Paula Laurence), Miney (Shaike Ophr) and Moe (Sondra Lee) buys all of their wares after she discovers they have two children, Hansel (Buttons) and Gretel (Cook). The children, horrified when they drink all the milk and don't leave any for their parents, follow the witch into the woods. The town crier and their parents realize that the witch turns any children she gets her hands on into gingerbread and follows them.

The Song and Dance: Buttons and Cook may seem like an odd choice to play the young brother-sister duo, but they're both hilarious and adorable. Conried is a riot as the witch who eats greedy little children. What I can see in the terrible copy currently on YouTube indicates a charming fairy-tale production, with lavish peasant dresses for the ladies and lederhosen for the men. Some of the songs aren't bad, either, especially the siblings' song "Much Too Happy Dancing." 

The Numbers: We open with the Town Crier announcing "Market Today" and the town showing off its wares. Father, the Town Crier, and the shopkeepers in town insist there's a reason that "Men Run the World." "Morning Song" and "Evening Song" are Gretel's introductory numbers. She insists to Hansel that they're "Much Too Happy Dancing" to mind their empty stomachs. "Ernie, Meenie, Miney, and Moe" sing about what they do in the woods, and they wonder "What Little Girls are Made Of?" with Gretel.

What I Don't Like: First of all, I wish someone would take a crack at restoring this! The copy currently on YouTube is dreadful, barely viewable. More importantly, this is kind of strange for a TV musical production. Though some of the songs aren't bad, they really don't seem to relate to the story. They spend so much time with the Town Crier and the parents, we honestly don't see as much of Hansel and Gretel as you might think. 

The Big Finale: Between the bad copy on YouTube and this being just ok despite the great cast, you're better off looking for the soundtrack CD and letting this one be consumed by the witch.

Home Media: As mentioned, this can only be found in a blurry, faded black and white copy on YouTube. At the least, the copy does include the original commercials for Rexall Drug Stores. 

YouTube

Cult Flops - Cats (2019)

Universal, 2019

Starring Francesca Hayward, Judi Dench, Idris Alba, and Jennifer Hudson

Directed by Tom Hooper

Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber; Lyrics by T.S Elliot and Taylor Swift

Cats is another musical from the last 40 years that had a long road to the big screen. It had been a smash everywhere it played since its debut on the West End in 1981. Steven Spielburg had originally planned on turning it into an animated film in the early 90's, but then his studio Amblinmaion shut down. A taping of the stage show in London did make it to home media in the late 90's and received excellent reviews, but most people thought that was the closest Cats would ever get to the big screen...until 2013, when Andrew Lloyd Webber started talking about a film adaptation. The movie finally debuted in December 2019 to some of the worst reviews and box-office for a major film that year. Does it deserve that fate, or should this Jellicle Cat get another chance to ascend the Heavinside Layer? Let's begin on the streets of London with the arrival of something the cat let out of the bag, a scared white kitten named Victoria (Hayward), and find out...

The Story: Victoria was abandoned on the streets of London just in time for the Jellicle Cats to have their Jellicle Ball. This is where they decide which cat will ascend to the Heavinside Layer and be granted a new life. Victoria meets all the competitors - Jennyanydots (Rebel Wilson), a domestic tabby who can make mice and cockroaches dance, Rum Tum Tugger (Jason Derulo), known for his extravagance, Skimbleshanks (Steven MacRae), a ginger cat who works for the railroad, Gus (Ian McKellen), a kindly old cat who had once played major roles onstage, and Busterphous Jones (James Corden), a plump tuxedo cat who shares his food with the others. 

Each one vanishes before Victoria's eyes, to her horror and that of Old Deuteonomy (Judi Dench), the head cat who will decide which will make the ascension. Macavity (Alba) wants to be the one chosen, and he'll do anything to get that new life, including eliminate the competition. Meanwhile, at the ball, Victoria befriends Grizabella the Glamour Cat (Hudson), who had once been aligned with Macavity. When Macavity takes off with Old Deuteonomy, it's Victoria who suggests that magician cat Mr. Mistoffelees (Laurie Robinson) use his magic to retrieve her. It works, inspiring the other cats to rescue themselves. Old Deuteonomy doesn't need a song and dance to know which cat is truly worthy of the Heavinside Layer, and Victoria to know where she truly belongs.

The Song and Dance: While yeah, this is not a great movie, or even a decent one, a few good things do manage to sneak in. Swift and Webber's "Beautiful Ghosts" is a genuinely touching song that sounds gorgeous on Hayward. Swift, rather surprisingly, isn't too horrible as Macavity's current flame Bombilina, Dench gives Old Deuteonomy tremendous gravity under her thick fur, and Alba makes a perfectly slick and greedy Macavity. 

The Numbers: We open with Victoria's entrance to the first chorus number, which introduces us to "Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats." Mr. Mistofflees and Munkustrap (Robbie Fairchild) introduce "The Naming of Cats" and give "The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball." Munkustrap takes Victoria into a typical London home to introduce "Jennyanydots: The Old Gumbie Cat" and her dancing mice and cockroaches. She in turn introduces "The Rum Tum Tugger." Victoria stops several young cats from abusing "Grizabella the Glamour Cat," and befriends the exiled former animal star. Rum Tum Tugger takes Victoria to meet "Bustopher Jones: The Cat About Town" and his huge appetite. Victoria gets into major trouble - and almost gets attacked by a dog - thanks to the mischievous cat burglar twins "Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer." 

"Growltiger's Last Stand" gives us the nasty old pirate cat who watches the kidnapped competitors for Macavity. Munkustrap brings Victoria to meet "Old Deuteonomy," who begins "The Jellicle Ball." Grizabella tells Victoria about her "Memory" of better times, while Victoria admits that all she has are "Beautiful Ghosts." Old Deutoeonomy talks about "The Moments of Happiness" and introduces "Gus the Theater Cat." Munkustrap takes us for a ride with "Skimbleshanks: the Railway Cat." Bombalurina (Swift) performs a lurid number about her current lover "Macavity: The Mystery Cat." Victoria and Munkustrap encourage "Mr. Mistofflees" to use his magic and free the missing cats. After everyone has been returned, Grizabella and Victoria reprise "Memory," while Victoria and Old Deutoenonomy reprise "Beautiful Ghosts." The movie finishes with "The Journey to the Heavinside Layer" and Old Deutoenonomy describing "The Ad-Dressing of Cats."

Trivia: Cats ran from 1981 through 2002 in London and 1982 through 2000 in New York. It had brief limited-run revivals in 2014 in London and 2016 in New York and saw a stripped-down off-Broadway production in 2024. The off-Broadway production is currently said to be moving to Broadway in April 2026. It also occasionally turns up in regional stages for theaters with a large amount of dancers or who are looking for a surefire audience pleaser.

What I Don't Like: The idea of humans dressed as cats and dancing in giant sets made to look like the back alleys and bourgeois homes of London is far more believable onstage, where you can feel the intimacy of all those people dancing almost literally around you, than it is on film. If they had to adapt it to film at all, they should have stuck to animation. Even with the revised special effects put out after the ones in the first version of the movie were said to be terrible, this still looks ridiculous. It's more like dancing AI animal paintings than human-sized cats moving around gracefully. 

Hayward dances beautifully and does do well by "Beautiful Ghosts," but she otherwise spends most of the movie looking scared or blank. Most of the cast, including Rebel Wilson as the languid Jennyanydots and lively Robinson as Mistofflees, are defeated by their silly dance numbers, the almost spooky uncanny valley CGI, or just not being onscreen for very long. The movie shares a problem with the Broadway show in that there's so many cats who do so much, none of them are on the screen for very long. You don't get to know the ones like Bombalurina or Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer you'd like to know better. Hudson's far too bombastic as Grizabella and certainly doesn't suggest an aging glamour cat. 

The Big Finale: I'm going to be honest and admit that, though I have the original cast album, I've never been a fan of the stage Cats, either. "Memory" aside, it all just seemed too silly and way too much. This certainly won't change my mind. Unless you're a really huge fan of Swift, Webber, or any of the stars involved, you can look for "Beautiful Ghosts" online and abandon the rest of this one on the streets of London without another thought.

Home Media: Easily found everywhere, including on disc (often for under $10) and on Netflix and Amazon Prime with subscriptions.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Netflix

Kiss of the Spider Woman

Lionsgate Films, 2025

Starring Jennifer Lopez, Diego Luna, Tonatiuah, and Tony Dovolani

Directed by Bill Conden

Music by John Kander; Lyrics by Fred Ebb

This week, we're jumping closer to the here and now to cover two adaptations of 80's and 90's Broadway musicals in the 21st century. This one's trip to the big screen was almost as tortured as its central couple. It began as a 1976 novel of the same name by Manuel Pug and had been adapted as a play in 1983 and an Oscar-winning film in 1985. The 1993 stage musical gave Chita Rivera one of her definitive roles as Aurora, the movie star in the stories woven by gay window dresser Luis Molina (Tonatiuah) while in prison. How well does the current film version measure up, especially in the current political climate? Let's begin by introducing Molina as he gets a new roommate in prison and find out...

The Story: Molina's new cell mate is Valentin Arregui Paz (Luna), a revolutionary who was jailed for his work with a revolutionary group. Valentin is annoyed by Luis at first, but finally lets him tell the story of his favorite Hollywood musical, Kiss of the Spider Woman. In the film, Aurora (Lopez), a glamorous magazine publisher who has never truly been in love, finally falls for Armando (Luna), a brilliant photographer. They return to the town where they were both raised for a photo shoot. This cements their relationship, but it also brings in Armando's old flame Paulina (Aline Mayagoita) and the gangster Johnny Desidero (Dovolani), whom Armando owes old debts to. 

Molina, as it turns out, is spying on Valentin for the warden in exchange for parole, so he can return to his sick mother (Graciela Daniele). He's supposed to get information from him while taking care of him after he's poisoned, but he ends up falling for him. Molina continues the story as their relationship deepens, revealing how the village is protected from evil spirits by the Spider Woman (Lopez), who demands the sacrifice of a native woman's lover. Aurora is afraid it'll be Armando and pushes him away, not realizing her assistant Kendall (Tonatiuah) loves Armando, too. Kendall betrays both of them to Johnny after Aurora admits her love. Paulina helps them escape into the jungle, where the Spider Woman gets her sacrifice...but not the man she expected.

As the story ends, so does Molina's time in the prison. He got his longed-for parole, but he's a changed man. So is Valentin. Molina's ready to admit that he can't hide in dreams forever, and maybe Kendall isn't the only one willing to make a sacrifice, while Valentin realizes that the imagination can be a very powerful place to be, and there's more than one type of love in this world.

The Song and Dance: Jennifer Lopez wanted to make this movie for years, and while she certainly goes to town in the gorgeous numbers, the real heart here is the surprisingly sweet love story between Luna and Tonatiuah. The men are gentle and charming in their banter in the prison despite the brutal setting, and utterly gorgeous in the musical numbers. The use of color here is stunning, whether it's the lush Technicolor jungle or the pop of pastel on Luis' robe and the old movie posters in the prison cell. Gorgeous costumes, too, with Argentina in 1983 and South America by way of Hollywood in the late 40's equally well-represented. 

The Numbers: We open with "Prologue," as we get an explanation for the story to come. Our first Technicolor chorus number is "Her Name Is Aurora," as Aurora dances her way through men and life in gorgeous costumes, wondering why she can't fall in love. We hear it again at the nightclub where Aurora meets Armando and falls in love with him...and Molina imagines Valentin as Armando. Aurora sings about how "I Will Dance Alone"...but Molina performs it, too, as he's equally worried that he's doomed to a life of loneliness. Armando and Aurora sing about how he's "An Everyday Man," both in the town and in his workroom as they develop the photos. Molina as Kendall drapes himself in Aurora's beads and perfumes, singing about how "She's a Woman," the pinnacle of soft perfection that he wants so much to be. 

"Where You Are" brings in Aurora to remind Molina, frightened of the beatings in the prison and worried for Valentin, insists that it's better to be "Where You Are" and live in your head than deal with the troubles outside. Two men in the compound sing "Dear One (Quiredo)" during a rest period as Valentin begins to wonder about his feelings for Molina. "I Do Miracles" insists Aurora when Armando has been beaten nearly to death and she's caring for him at a house in the jungle...and Valentin sees his beloved Marta when Molina encourages him to use his imagination to get through the pain of the beatings.

"A Visit" brings in Aurora's Spider Woman persona as she sings to Molina about how she wants him...or his lover...and needs the sacrifice. "Gimme Love" is the Gene Kelly-esque dream ballet. Aurora imagines herself in a red artwork-stage-like nightclub set as she dances with the chorus boys, then with an Armando who looks distinctly like Kelly in most of his ballets. It degenerates into a nightmare, with Aurora hounded by men in animal masks...just as Molina is beaten. Aurora and Armando embrace in the jungle as she claims that it was "Never You" who walked away from her. Kendall makes his sacrifice to the tune of the Spider Woman performing the title song. The movie ends with Molina's own sacrificial death...and his final dream, as he imagines himself as the object of beauty he always wanted to be "Only In the Movies."

Trivia: The original Broadway show debuted in 1993 (after a run in London the year before), with Chita Rivera in her last great stage role as Aurora. It was a hit, running two years in New York and a year in London. It hasn't been seen in either city since, but does occasionally turn up in regional stagings. 

The movie is dedicated to the memory of Fred Ebb (who died in 2004), original musical writer Thomas McNally (who died of Covid in 2020), and Chita Rivera (who died in 2024 during production). 

What I Don't Like: As with the film version of Chicago, almost all of the musical numbers set in the prison were eliminated to further establish the line between reality and fantasy...but it means we don't get to know the two men as well as we'd like. Frankly, Valentin's right. Their touching romance in the gray prison is far more interesting than Aurora's Hollywood camp fluff, and frigid, stiff Lopez, while fabulous in the musical numbers, lacks Rivera's spicy old-time glamour. Also, keep in mind that, despite the lavish musical numbers, the language, sexuality, and general themes makes this very much a Technicolor romp for adults. 

The Big Finale: I can kind of understand why this isn't doing well in theaters. This is the kind of movie you're either really going to get, or really won't get at all. At the very least, it's far better than last year's prison-set fantasy musical with similar themes, Joker Pas et Deux. Highly recommended for fans of Lopez, Luna, the Technicolor Hollywood fantasies this refers to, gay cinema, or those with a taste for adventurous musicals that go way outside the box.

Home Media: Currently for streaming pre-order at Amazon Prime.

Amazon Prime