Starring Drew Carey, Julie Louis-Dreyfus, Brett Spiner, and Seth Adkins
Directed by Tom Moore
Music and Lyrics by Steven Schwartz
We're staying with TV films this weekend, but skipping ahead a decade and a half to the turn of the new millennium. ABC had successfully relaunched its Wonderful World of Disney in 1997 with Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella. After it's 1999 version of Annie was also a hit, Disney stuck closer to home for its next big show. Drew Carey's self-titled sitcom was right in the middle of its almost 10-year run on ABC in 2000. Between his sitcom and his stint hosting the improv show Who's Line Is It Anyway, Carey was one of the most popular comedians on TV as the calendar changed to the 2000's. Louis-Dreyfus was almost as popular, coming off the run of the phenomenally beloved Seinfeld. Disney threw them both into their next TV musical, switching Pinocchio to focus on his woodcarver father and the Blue Fairy. Does this work, or should it be swallowed by a whale? Let's begin with the title character (Carey) as all of the children in town rush to his store to buy new toys, and find out...
The Story: Geppetto is tired of seeing children with scolding parents, thinking that he'd be the perfect father. He gets a chance to learn how hard it is to be a parent when the Blue Fairy (Louis-Dreyfus) makes his puppet Pinocchio (Adkins) come to life. Pinocchio is lively and funny, but he's also a bundle of questions when he should be sleeping, wanders off downtown, and isn't interested in woodcarving like his father. Geppetto sends his new son to school, only for him to come home admitting he got into a fight after imitating the other boys. Geppetto is furious with his son and with the Blue Fairy, who points out that no child or parent is perfect.
By the time he's willing to listen, Pinocchio has run away with Stromboli (Spiner) and his puppet show. When Geppetto goes to see the show, Stromboli tells him his son went to see the world. What Pinocchio really did was board a carriage to Pleasure Island. Geppetto goes after him, encountering an inept magician (Wayne Brady) and a town filled with perfect, obedient children made by Professor Bunoragazzo (Rene Auberjononis). He and Stromboli arrive at Pleasure Island almost at the same time, but they're both thrown out for being adults. When Pinocchio and the other boys at the Island turn into donkeys, Geppetto follows him in a boat. He's swallowed by a whale, only to be reunited with a repentant Pinocchio. It then that they finally realize that being a parent means loving your child even when they're at their worst, and that the best any parent can do is help their child grow.
The Song and Dance: It's the song and dance, along with a relatively lavish production for a TV musical in 2000, that are the stand-outs. Some of the songs in Steven Schwartz's score aren't bad. I especially like "Satisfaction Guaranteed" for Professor Bunoragazzo and the townspeople and Geppetto and the Blue Fairy's counterpoint duet "Just Because It's Magic." Wayne Brady is hilarious in his sequence with Carey as the lousy magician, and Spiner makes for a funny and scary Stromboli. At the very least, this is better than the live-action remake that focused on Pinocchio in 2022.
The Numbers: We open with Carey singing "Once Upon a Time" as the traditional Disney Storybook opens. The first big chorus number is "Toys," as the kids in the town beg for Geppetto's wares, and Geppetto wishes he had a child of his own. "Empty Heart" is his lonely lament that he's never been blessed with a son. He's thrilled to be "Geppetto and Son," until Pinocchio constantly wanders off while he introduces him to the townspeople. The Blue Fairy tries to explain that "Just Because It's Magic" doesn't mean it guarantees a happy ending. We hear "I've Got No Strings" from the original film as Pinocchio dances with Stromboli's puppets. Stromboli's more likely to cheer himself in "Bravo Stromboli!"
Lezamo the magician reprises "Toys" with Geppetto, reminding him that he's beloved by other children. Professor Bunoragazzo, his son (Christopher Marquette), and the townspeople of Idylla insist that they can deliver a perfect child "Satisfaction Guaranteed" in a huge chorus number, but Geppetto finds those so-called "perfect" children more creepy than delightful. Usher Raymond (aka Usher) is the "Pleasure Island" ringleader who encourages the boys there to break away from their parents' rules and do whatever they want. Geppetto reprises "Geppetto and Son" when Pinocchio finds him in the whale. He tells Stromboli he'll give him his business or anything he wants. He doesn't need anything "Since I Gave My Heart Away." This is also heard over the credits, performed by singer Sonya Issacs.
What I Don't Like: First and foremost, Carey and Louis-Dreyfus are too modern and goofy to work as a resident of fairy-tale Italy in the late 1800's and a magical fairy. Carey fully admitted he was miscast and that making this wasn't a happy affair. You don't buy him as a concerned father who just wants his son to listen. And...frankly, Geppetto's story isn't all that interesting. Some of the sequences, like the creepy "Satisfaction Guaranteed" town, have their moments, but it doesn't add up to much of a whole. You really wish they'd just done a live-action remake of Pinocchio 22 years early and focused on the character who actually does the growing up and makes the journey.
The Big Finale: While it is better than the 2022 Pinocchio remake, considering how bad that was, that's not saying much. Unless you're a huge fan of Carey, Brady, or Louis-Dreyfus, you're better off just watching the original animated film on DVD or Disney Plus again.
Home Media: Disney is all too aware of the negative reception this one got. At press time, this is DVD only.
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