Cult Flops - There's No Business Like Show Business

20th Century Fox, 1954

Starring Ethel Merman, Dan Dailey, Donald O'Connor, and Marilyn Monroe

Directed by Walter Lang

Music and Lyrics by Irving Berlin

This was intended to be the biggest musical Fox ever made in every sense of the word. It's six main stars came from every corner of show business. Ethel Merman was one of the biggest stars on Broadway. Dan Dailey and Donald O'Connor were movie musical veterans. Johnnie Ray was a massively popular singer known for his emphasis on rhythm and blues and dark ballads a few years before rock really started. Do they all work together in this lavish cavalcade of Irving Berlin hits, or should this family be separated for good? Let's start at the height of vaudeville's popularity in 1919, as married act the Donahues have just added another member...

The Story: Molly (Merman) and Terry (Dailey) Donahue are show business troopers through and through, even raising their children to be part of the act. Though the children attend Catholic school, they eventually rejoin the act after high school as The Five Donahues. Even as the act expands, vaudeville contracts. Sound movies and radio cuts into their business, and then the Depression hits. 

Having their grown children in the act is good for business, but they don't remain there for long. Gentle pianist Steve (Johnnie Ray) joins the priesthood. Vivacious daughter Katie (Mitzi Gaynor) marries handsome lyricist Charlie Gibbs (Hugh O'Brian). Wayward oldest son Tim (O'Connor) pursues gorgeous dancer Vicky Parker (Monroe), but disappears when she's tired of him complaining about her career. Molly never trusted the sensuous Vicky and blames her for Tim running off. It seems that Tim is gone for good and The Five Donahues have gone the way of vaudeville, until the Hippodrome Theater in New York has one last benefit, bringing all the Donahues together one last time.

The Song and Dance: This is as big as a musical could get in the mid-50's. Huge numbers that fill a wide Cinemascope frame, gorgeous Oscar-nominated costumes, a cast of thousands, vibrant DeLuxe Color, an expansive story that covers pretty much all of popular culture from 1919 to 1939. Dailey puts in one of his best performances as the roguish father who will do anything for his family, and Merman also does well as his strong-willed wife. O'Connor would later call this his favorite of his films, and he certainly runs with the opportunity to play a character that's slightly darker than usual for him, including one of his best numbers with the statues. Gaynor is so charming when she is seen, I wish she had more to do.

Favorite Number: We open with the Donahue parents performing "When the Midnight Choo Choo Leaves for Alabam'" in vaudeville. It does give us a good idea of what a typical couple number was like, including them ending up as the front and back half of a train. Katie and Tim reprise it hilariously at Steve's party before he joins the seminary, complete with the same costumes and them as two halves of a train. "Play a Simple Melody" begins with Molly in old-fashioned hoop skirts and bloomers and Terry in stripes playing ragtime as they sing one of Berlin's signature two melodies at once, with Molly preferring old-fashioned ballads and Tim wanting something a little jazzier. "A Pretty Girl Is Like a Melody" has a blonde Molly competing with a bevy of glittering chorus girls for Tim's attention.

The act breaks up briefly, with Merman performing "Let's Have Another Cup of Coffee" on the radio, and Dailey turning "You'd Be Surprised" into a girlie burlesque act. "Alexander's Ragtime Band" turns into a massive chorus routine when all the Donahues join in. Molly and Terry do a German dance in bright peasant costumes. Tim dons a kilt for a Scottish highland dance, while Katie joins the boys for a French can can, and Steve simply plays and sings it on the piano. Monroe's introduced in a barely-there glittering white gown with enormous feathers in her head for "After You Get What You Want, You Don't Want It Anymore." The chorus gets "Remember" at that party for Steve. He also gets to sing the ballad "If You Believe." 

Molly may not be happy that she lost the number (in the film or real-life), but Vicky sizzles in "Heat Wave," with its straight-legged dances and brilliant pinks and blacks. Vicky only sings "A Man Chases a Girl Until She Catches Him" off-camera, but it's enough to inspire Tim to do an amazing dance with moving statues around a moonlit park. Tim and Katie literally dances rings around Vicky, who would rather linger and be "Lazy" on a chaise lounge. Katie and Molly liven things up as sea salts in the city who claim "A Sailor's Not a Sailor ('Til a Sailor's Been Tattooed)." The movie ends with all of the principals, including Vicky, joining for a massive version of the title number, literally performed on a pedestal as dancers in colorful costumes representing different aspects of show business flitter around them.

Trivia: This was also Oscar-nominated for Best Score and Best Story. 

Berlin's second-to-last full film musical (White Christmas, released later that year, would be the last). 

Monroe initially refused to do this movie, but Fox promised her the lead role in The Seven Year Itch and a pay increase of $3,000 a week. They also gave at least two numbers planned for Merman to her, including "Heat Wave." 

What I Don't Like: The story is the same domestic melodrama Fox had been serving up in its musicals going back to their 1938 Alexander's Ragtime Band. It feels like they tried to throw every possible cliche in, including Ray joining the priesthood. Speaking of Ray, while he's not quite as terrible as critics claimed at the time, he's not great, either. His performance is stiff as a board, which is likely why he doesn't have much to do besides sing, look concerned, and perform the marriage ceremony for Katie and her beau. No wonder this would be his only film appearance. 

Monroe's not a whole lot better. It's obvious that, other than her numbers, she didn't want to be here and wasn't interested in any of this. She has no chemistry with the vibrant O'Connor, whom she seems to treat more like a kid brother than a lover. It also has the same problem with historical accuracy as Alexander's Ragtime Band. After they get out of the 1910's around the twenty minute mark, it looks like the 50's for the rest of the film. 

The Big Finale: Not the best musical Fox put out, but the numbers are good enough for me to recommend this for major fans of the cast or the big, bold musicals of the 50's and 60's. 

Home Media: Easily found in all formats.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Let's Make Love (1960)

20th Century Fox, 1960

Starring Yves Montand, Marilyn Monroe, Tony Randall, and Frankie Vaughan

Directed by George Cukor

Music and Lyrics by various

Grable wasn't the only Fox blonde who had trouble with her career in the 50's and early 60's. Monroe was one of the most beloved stars in the world and an icon of beauty and sexuality by 1960, but what she wanted was to be a respected actress. Her increasing frustrations were drowned in liquor, drugs, and troubled marriages. Monroe had just come from the wildly successful Some Like It Hot. Originally, her next movie was to have been The Misfits, written by her then-husband Arthur Miller, but Fox was so delighted with Hot that they held her to her contract and rushed her into something lighter. Montand, who appeared in a French version of Miller's The Crucible, replaced Gregory Peck when Miller came on to shift the focus to Monroe's character. 

There were problems from the start. Monroe didn't want to do the movie and thought the script was awful, Montand didn't speak English well, and two strikes disrupted filming. With all that, how does the story of a French businessman who joins a revue making fun of him and falls for its leading lady look today? Let's begin with an opening prologue revealing the history of the billionaire Clement family and its current scion, Jean-Marc (Montand), and find out...

The Story: Clement's publicity man Alexander Kaufman (Randall) reports that an off-Broadway revue has a sketch that makes fun of his playboy lifestyle. Intrigued, he goes to the theater to see what it's all about. He's immediately smitten with leading lady Amanda Dell (Monroe) and accepts a role in the show when director Oliver Burton (David Burns) thinks he's an actor. Clement is jealous of Amanda's attention to the show's male lead Tony Danton (Vaughan) and hires Milton Berle, Bing Crosby, and Gene Kelly (themselves) to teach him how to really put over a performance. He even ends up backing the show when one of his employees tries to end the show by raising the rent on the theater. He still, however, has to tell Amanda the truth about who he is and why he's there...

The Song and Dance: If nothing else, Monroe has far more chemistry with Montand than bossy Barbara Streisand would have with him a decade later in On a Clear Day You Can See Forever. They make a surprisingly lovely couple. In fact, poor English aside, he's rather charming as the French businessman who learns just how much fun and hard work show business can be. The soft DeLuxe Color and attractive costumes (including Monroe's infamous sweater dress in the opening number) adds a great deal to the fluffy story. 

Favorite Number: We're introduced to Amanda in the Cole Porter standard "My Heart Belongs to Daddy." Monroe slides around poles in that short sweater dress and not much else as men in tank tops pant around her. Vaughan's introductory number is a slightly re-written "Give Me the Simple Life." He also sings about how Monroe has those "Crazy Eyes" that do wild things to him. 

He and Monroe sing about how "Specialization" can make one a major success in show business. This is the weird number with Monroe strutting around in a wide sequined gown and an embarrassed Clement coming out in his fancy tuxedo to crow like a rooster. Bing Crosby teaches Clement how to be "Incurably Romantic." We then get Clement wooing Amanda with it, only to be supplanted by Danton.  The title song is heard three times, over the credits with Monroe and the chorus, as part of the show with Monroe and Vaughan, and towards the end with Monroe and Montand.

Trivia: In addition to Peck, Yul Brunner, Rock Hudson, Cary Grant, and Charlton Heston were all offered the role that eventually went to Montand.

Remake of the 1937 backstage musical On the Avenue. 

What I Don't Like: Monroe has a point about the script. While she and Montand are charming together, the movie around them is silly, dull, overlong fluff. Of the numbers, only "Daddy" works out well. Most of them are filmed on dark, mostly empty stages. Milton Berle does have a few funny moments teaching Montand how to handle a joke, but Kelly and Crosby have far less to do and are barely seen. Randall could have more to do, too. You can tell Jack Cole is once again in charge of the choreography. Some of the numbers are bizarre to the point of being ridiculous, notably the rather goofy "Specialization." 

The Big Finale: It's too bad this would be Monroe's last musical and her second-to-last movie. I wish she'd ended her musical career (and Montand had begun his) on a better note. Only for the most devoted fans of either of the leads. 

Home Media: DVD and Blu-Ray are currently fairly expensive. If you must see this, you may be better off streaming it. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

20th Century Fox, 1953

Starring Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, Charles Coburn, and Tommy Noonan

Directed by Howard Hawks

Music and Lyrics by various

This was Monroe's first musical as a star, and the first of three she did during her days as the biggest sex symbol in Hollywood. On Broadway, the 1949 hit made a star out of its Lorelei Lee, Carol Channing. Fox thought it could do the same for its up-and-coming bombshell, pairing her with the already-established Jane Russell and one of the most popular directors in Hollywood at the time, Howard Hawks. How well do the adventures of a gold-digging showgirl and her devoted best friend come off today? Let's begin right with the ladies in question as they perform "Little Girl From Little Rock" and find out...

The Story: Lorelei (Monroe) wants to marry wealthy Gus Esmond Jr. (Noonan), who is sweet, devoted, and can keep her funded in her passion, diamonds. Dorothy (Russell) doesn't care how much money a guy has, long as he's good-looking. The two take a cruise to France for a job, with Gus claiming he'll meet them there, despite his father Gus Sr. (Taylor Holmes) disapproving of their relationship. While onboard, Lorelei flirts with Sir Francis "Piggy" Beekman (Coburn), who owns diamond mines, while Dorothy pursues the male Olympic team. 

Lorelei's interest in Piggy is strictly platonic...but she gets into trouble for it anyway when private detective Ernie Malone (Elliot Reid) photographs them talking together. The women manage to get the negatives off of him, with Lorelei convincing Piggy to give her a tiara as a thank-you gift. Lady Beekman (Norma Varden) isn't amused, Neither is Gus Sr. When Lorelei winds up in court for stealing the tiara, she'll need both Malone's help and her best friend's to get her out of this jam.

The Song and Dance: The ladies are the thing here, and they run with it, whether Dorothy's admiring all the muscles on those athletes, or Monroe's adorably flirting with Coburn. I really appreciate how the ladies' friendship is portrayed. They stand up for each other, to the point where Dorothy takes Lorelei's place in court, and never talk down to or back-stab each other. They're both loyal to the end, when providing for each other's happiness takes precedence over even their men. Coburn is the only one who gets near them as the English lord with an eye for the ladies and a good quality piece of jewelry.

Fox spared no expense on the production, either. They're costumed in gorgeous gowns throughout, including Monroe's iconic shocking pink ball gown during the "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" chorus number. The Technicolor is gorgeous, making that pink number and all those luscious frocks just pop on elaborate cruise ship set.

Favorite Number: "Little Girl From Little Rock" is heard twice, in the beginning as a duet for Dorothy and Lorelei in a show, and in the wedding finale. Dorothy sings "Bye Bye Baby" to all those hot athletes at a going-away party before the ship leaves...and Lorelei picks it up to sing solo for Gus. Dorothy wonders "Ain't Anyone Here for Love" as she wanders among those athletes as they practice. She tries to entice them with sports, but they ignore her, even when she ends up in the pool. After their letter of credit is cut off and they're thrown out of their hotel room, the ladies wonder about what happens "When Love Goes Wrong" in a cafe...and they attract such a crowd, they end up getting a job out of it.

Of course, the iconic number here is the first version of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend," directed and choreographed by Jack Cole. There's dancers in cotton candy pink ball gowns and men gliding around them...but there's no denying who the real center of this is. Monroe's sheer magnetism holds every frame, and it's simply dazzling. No wonder this has been imitated many times since 1953, including in Madonna's video for "Material Girl." Dorothy gets her own awesome version later, singing it for the judge and jury at the court while dressed in a blonde wig and short, glitzy dance outfit. 

Trivia: Gentlemen Prefer Blondes began life as a comic novel by Hollywood screenwriter Anita Loos in 1925. The Broadway musical debuted in 1949 and was a fair-sized hit, running three years. It didn't make it to London until 1962, when it barely ran a year. Lorelei, a revision for Channing that had the story told as flashbacks by a now-wealthy Lorelei, managed to run a year and a half despite bad reviews. A revival of the original show in 1995 did even worse, not even running a week. An Encores! concert in 2012 was slightly better-received. 

Betty Grable was originally considered for Monroe's role, but she asked for too much money. (She would appear with Monroe two years later in How to Marry a Millionaire.)

Russell getting knocked into the pool during the "Anybody Here for Love?" number was an accident, but Hawks thought it worked with the song and it stayed in. 

What I Don't Like: No wonder the ladies are so intent on each other. Most of the men in the film besides Coburn barely register. Noonan's so dull, you can't understand why Lorelei goes back to him for any reason besides his millions. Reid is slightly more interesting as the private eye whose eye ends up on Dorothy, and he at least has a bit more to do.

Wish they could have used more of the original Broadway show. For one thing, why is this the only version of this story not set in the 20's, when the book was originally written? In the show, Henry Spofford was Dorothy's love interest and the one with the disapproving father. Here, he's a kid who helps the ladies out on their cruise. The original show was overloaded with songs; this retains only "Bye Bye Baby," "Little Girl From Little Rock," and "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." Admittedly, the two new additions aren't bad (I especially like "When Love Goes Wrong"), but couldn't they have brought in even a little more of the original score? 

The Big Finale: If you love Monroe or Russell, or want to see where "Diamond's are a Girl's Best Friend" came from, this is by far the best of her three starring musicals and is highly recommended. 

Home Media: Easily found in all formats.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime