A Date With Judy

MGM, 1948

Starring Jane Powell, Wallace Beery, Elizabeth Taylor, and Carmen Miranda

Directed by Richard Thorpe

Music and Lyrics by various

With many schools starting to wind down this week or already done for the year, we're going to hang out with California teens from an earlier time. A Date With Judy began life as a popular radio show for teenagers, running from 1941 to 1949 on NBC and ABC. It was such a huge hit with its audience, MGM turned it into a vehicle for many of their own teenage stars. Elizabeth Taylor and Jane Powell were child stars on the verge of growing old enough for more "mature" roles. Taylor, in fact, had already started appearing as a teenager in movies like Life With Father. How do the adventures of a typical teen and her friends and family look today? Let's begin at Judy Foster's (Powell) school, as she and her boyfriend Ogden "Oogie" Pringle (Scotty Beckett) audition for their high school dance, and find out...

The Story: Oogie's older sister Carol (Taylor) isn't impressed with their chirpy song. She's already hired Xavier Cugat and His Orchestra to play at the dance. Judy's getting a tad fed up with both Pringles. Oogie won't take her to the dance, and Carol is interested in Stephan (Robert Stack), the handsome nephew of soda fountain owner Pop (Lloyd Corrigan) whom Judy has her eye on. Judy's so infatuated with Stephan, she tells her parents she intends to marry him. Meanwhile, her father's been spending a lot of time with Brazilian dancer Rosita Cochelles (Miranda), leading his daughter and Carol to believe he's having an affair with her. It's a lot more innocent than they suspect, though...

The Song and Dance: Yes, the story really is that simple. It's pretty easy to tell it's based after a sitcom. It feels more like something that would have happened to the teens on The Donna Reed Show or Father Knows Best a decade later. Powell and Taylor are the ones who really make it work. No matter how silly it gets, Powell in particular keeps it believable as a smart teen in the middle of her first crush on a (slightly) older man. Miranda has a great time too trying to teach Beery the ins and outs of dancing the rhumba; he has just as much fun in one of his last roles. Taylor looks ravishing in her fashionable wide skirts as the older, snobbier teen who competes with Judy for Stephan, yet is loyal enough to help her spy on her dad when she thinks something is going on with him near the end. 

Favorite Number: The big one here is the hit "It's a Most Unusual Day." Powell sings it twice, in the beginning when she and Scotty are auditioning for the dance, and in the finale at her parents' anniversary party. Powell gets two cute songs with her mother Dora (Selena Royale) and her brother Randolph (Jerry Hunter), "Love Is Where You Find It" and "Home Sweet Home." Powell and Beckett claim "I'm Strictly On the Corny Side" when they perform for the unimpressed Stephan and Carol at Judy's house after dinner. Miranda gets two nifty numbers, "Cuanto Le Gusta" during a rehearsal with Xavier Cugat and His Orchestra, and the more elaborate "Cooking With Gas" at the Foster's party in the end. 

Trivia: A Date With Judy moved to early TV off and on from 1950 through 1953. It was so popular, it inspired other teen sitcoms on radio and TV like Meet Corliss Archer. 

Powell was very jealous that Taylor got to wear more mature clothing and green eyeshadow, something she longed to do in her films. 

Selena Royale replaced Mary Astor as Judy's mother after she became ill and had to drop out. 

What I Don't Like: Did I mention that this is basically a musical sitcom, and in fact, is based after a real radio and early TV show? The plot is pretty much piffle, not far removed from some of the goofier teen comedies on Nickelodeon or The Disney Channel today. Obviously, this isn't for someone looking for a darker take on late 40's teen life. As enjoyable as her numbers are, Miranda is a bit out of place as the South American dancer who shows Beery the delights of doing rhumbas with someone besides his wife. 

The Big Finale: Truly adorable with some really enjoyable numbers if you're a fan of Miranda, Taylor, Powell, teen sitcoms, or the big bold MGM musicals of the 40's and 50's. 

Home Media: Easy to find on DVD and streaming, the former from the Warner Archives.

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Amazon Prime

Happy Memorial Day! - Hit the Deck (1955)

MGM, 1955

Starring Jane Powell, Tony Martin, Russ Tambyn, and Vic Damone

Directed by Roy Rowland

Music by Vincent Youmans; Lyrics by various 

We honor the Navy this Memorial Day with one of the last big MGM musicals. Hit the Deck was a smash on Broadway in 1927, making instant standards out of the songs "Hallelujah" and "Sometimes I'm Happy." RKO originally filmed it in 1930, but that version has since been lost. MGM bought the rights in 1947, hoping to turn it into another On the Town. Is it as joyous as that film and another version, the Fred Astaire-Ginger Rodgers vehicle Follow the Fleet from 1936, or should it be dumped in the San Francisco harbor? Let's begin with a rousing tribute to the Navy over the credits and find out...

The Story: Chief Boatswain's Mate Bill Clark (Martin) and Officers Rico Ferrari (Damone) and Danny Smith (Tambyn) are delighted to be on shore leave in San Francisco after having spent time in Antarctica and swampland. Bill takes them to see his girlfriend Ginger. Tired of spending six years waiting for him, Ginger tells them she's found someone else and they're through. 

They're not the only ones having romance problems. Danny is worried when he finds out his older sister Susan (Powell) is dating womanizing actor Wendall Craig (Gene Raymond), hoping to get a part in his new show. He and Bill attack Craig when they find him putting the moves on Susan. Rico takes her home, only to fall for her. Craig wants to press charges, but the boys are warned by Rico's widowed mother (Kay Armen) and one of the dancers in his show, Carol Pace (Debbie Reynolds). Meanwhile, the boys try to help Mrs. Ferrari woo florist Mr. Peroni (J. Carrol Naish), and Danny is beginning to develop feelings for Carol. Now the boys have to dodge the shore patrol and Danny's Naval admiral father (Walter Pidgeon), before their love lives and shore leave come to an abrupt end. 

The Song and Dance: Charming romantic comedy with music is filmed in stunning wide Cinemascope, giving them plenty of room for huge numbers. I'm impressed that they kept all but two songs from the original 1927 Broadway show, something most adaptations of older musicals from this era seldom did. The boys may be the ones who are in the spotlight, but it's their lady friends who have the most fun. Jane Powell has a wonderful time getting to be the mature older sibling for a change and Miller's hilarious as the dancer who wishes her beau would see more of her than the sea. Naish and Armen make the most of their side plot as the older couple who are trying to start their lives and their loves over. 

Favorite Number:  We open with a stirring version of "Join the Navy" performed by the sailors over the credits. The boys sing "Hallelujah!" as they try to make a cake for their admiral in Antarctica. Ann Miller and lovely chorus girls in pinks and purples are "Keeping Myself for You" in a telephone-themed number at the theater. Martin takes over the song for the second half. Reynolds joins the sailor chorus in the theater to ask about "A Kiss Among Friends." Powell sings "Sometimes I'm Happy" for Raymond at his apartment to show him what she's capable of. Miller returns for a sizzling "Lady From the Bayou."  The boys and the girls lament 'Why Oh Why?" is love so difficult in two separate versions performed near the beginning and end of the film.  The girls' in particular is very striking, with the last long shot of them together fretting over their men. Martin finally wins Miller over with his version of the standard "More Than You Know."

"Hallelujah!" returns for the big finale at the theater, this time performed by an exuberant Armen. Seldom has the finale of any musical been this joyful or spontaneous, with Miller throwing her hat in the air and tapping her heart out, a few folks running into each other, and no one really much caring. They're all enjoying every noisy, delightful minute, and so's the audience.

My other favorite "number" isn't actually a musical number in the traditional sense. Carol and Danny escape the shore patrol through a horror-themed fun house in an amusement park. They have a ball dancing on moving floors, crawling past mirrors that make them look longer, and frolicking with performers representing Dracula and the Devil. 

Trivia: Both the show and the film are based after the play Shore Leave. Hit the Deck was indeed a hit in New York, running over a year, and went over only slightly less well in England. Outside of a few songs turning up on television in the 1950's, it doesn't seem to have reappeared again after this film. 

What I Don't Like: Wish the rest of the cast had more to do. Though Susan is the catalyst behind the boys' rowdy behavior, neither she nor Reynolds have much chemistry with their supposed on-screen sweethearts. Damone doesn't do much better here than in the more fantastical Kismet a year later, and Martin is stiff as a board. Tambyn could sing, so I have no idea why he was dubbed here. His voice sounds way too mature for the character and the actor. Not only is the story somewhat changed from the original, but it's a load of cotton candy fluff that dissolves completely near the end as all the romances start to get a little too complicated for their own good. 

The Big Finale: The decent numbers alone make this worth a watch during your Memorial Day barbecue if you're a fan of anyone in the cast or the big, splashy Broadway adaptations of the 1950's and 60's. 

Home Media: Easily found on disc and streaming, the former from the Warner Archives. 

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Cult Flops - Paint Your Wagon

Paramount, 1969

Starring Clint Eastwood, Lee Marvin, Jean Seburg, and Harve Presnell

Directed by Joshua Logan

Music by Fredrick Loewe and Andre Previn; Lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner

This one has a bit of a long history. Louis B. Mayer bought soon after the original Broadway show opened in 1951, but he was fired from MGM, and then passed away and was never able to do anything with it. Eddie Fisher bought it in 1964, intending to turn it into a big Cinerama film. Paramount picked it up after that, hoping to compete with other big musicals and westerns coming out around the same time. They lured Lee Marvin away from The Wild Bunch with a big million-dollar paycheck and Clint Eastwood for his cool factor after the success of the Italian Dollars trilogy. That neither man could sing apparently never crossed their minds...but maybe it should, given the results. What else went wrong with this tale of two miners and the bride between them? Let's start as miners head out west in search of gold and find out...

The Story: In gold-crazy 1849 California, Ben Runsom (Marvin) discovers the precious metal when he buries the brother of a man (Eastwood) who was found near death after a covered wagon crash. He stakes his claim, and takes in the fellow, calling him "Pardner." Tents the miners call No-Name City spring up around the gold mine. The men enjoy drunken revelry when they're not trying to wait out the frequent bouts of rain. 

Tired of not having female companionship, the men convince a Mormon (John Mitchum) to auction off one of his two wives. Ben is the ultimate winner of lovely Elizabeth (Seburg), who lays down the law when he tries to jump on her. She'll be his wife, if he makes her a real home, but she's nobody's property. She's delighted when he and the other miners do build her a cabin. After Ben joins the other miners in kidnapping six French tarts, she falls for Pardner as well. She likes both men so much, she convinces them both to be her husbands and all live together.

That works until the gold starts to run dry and Ben realizes how much three people eat. Ben hatches a scheme to tunnel under the city and gather the gold dust that falls through the cracks in the saloons. Meanwhile, a hot-under-the-collar preacher (Alan Dexter) gets the residents all fired up over the sin and degradation in the town, and Elizabeth rethinks the marriage arrangement when a family of settlers stay with them for the winter and think Pardner is her only husband.

The Song and Dance: At the very least, unlike Camelot, you can't say it's dull. There's enough plot here for six westerns. It was also filmed on real locations in Oregon and California, which adds authenticity and some nice cinematography to the gold rush plot. Some of the supporting cast works pretty well, too. Ray Walston gets a few good bits as Scottish miner "Mad" Jack Duncan, Harve Presnell lends his gorgeous baritone to gambler Rotten Luck Willie (and gets the best song in the score, "They Call the Wind Mariah"), and Tom Ligon has some funny moments late in the film as Horton Linty, the young son of the settlers whom Ben brings in on the tunnel scheme. 

Favorite Number: We open and close with long shots of the miners and the wagon train as they travel along, singing about how "I'm On My Way." Pardner sings about how "I Still See Elisa," even though he has no sweetheart. Country rock group The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band and a passel of hippies turn the big number "Hand Me Down that Can 'O Beans" into a muddy mélange of jumping bodies and lots of drinking. Rotten Luck Willie passes the time during a rain storm with the stunning ballad "They Call the Wind Mariah." 

After they build the cabin, Elizabeth (dubbed by Anita Gordon) admits how happy she is in her new home "A Million Miles Away Beyond the Door." Pardner woos her with the gentle "I Talk to the Trees" after she wonders if he gets lonely. Willie and the chorus get the town riled for their new French ladies when "There's a Coach Comin' In." The preacher gets the town fired up in another way, ripping into "The Gospel of No-Name City" and how they're all going down there in a handbasket if they don't repent and soon. Ben wonders if it's time to say good-bye after Elizabeth kicks him out, as he and the chorus admit they're born under a "Wand'rn Star."

Trivia: Lee Marvin's rendition of "Wand'rin Star" was a surprise #1 hit in England and Australia and did fairly well on the charts in the US as well. 

The original 1951 production ran a year, not bad but no blockbuster. It actually did slightly better in London in 1953, running almost two years. It's never been seen again in New York or London, save for an off-Broadway Encores concert in 2015. 

It was the seventh-biggest hit movie at the box office in 1969, but the production and marketing costs were so great, it still didn't make its money back. 

It's probably best-known today for being represented in a segment from a Simpsons episode where Bart and Homer can't believe they're watching a musical with a singing Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood.

What I Don't Like: First of all, let's discuss the leads. Marvin at least looks the part of a grizzled old prospector, and his real-life heavy drinking that caused so many delays on the set is certainly authentic to the character. However, "Wand'rin Star" aside, he's no great shakes as a singer, and his scenery-chewing worked better in the overtly spoofy Cat Ballou than it does here. Eastwood's thin singing voice does "I Talk to the Trees" and "I Still See Elisa" no favors, and he just seems bored. Seburg is only slightly more animated. Her character is a blend of Ben's daughter and the Mormon wife from the show, and they never figure out how to play her. She comes off as alternately feisty, sensible, and frigid, depending on what the script requires.

While the movie's look is a little more colorful than Camelot, it still doesn't work with the tone of the film. The scenery is too gritty and real for the miners' slapstick antics, especially when they start tunneling in the second half. In fact, the movie has no idea what kind of a western it wants to be. Seburg and Eastwood are playing gentle romance, Martin thinks he's back in Cat Ballou, and the rest of the cast doesn't have enough to do to balance them out. The ending is less of an ending and more "we couldn't figure out how to finish this, let's just destroy the set." There's also the entire incident with the Mormon being rather sexist, too, even if Elizabeth did enter into the auction of her own free will. 

Oh, and the only thing left of the original show are about half the songs, Ben Rumson, the Gold Rush setting, the opening with Ben staking his claim during a funeral, and a Mormon auctioning off one of his wives. Originally, Pardner was a Hispanic miner in love with Ben's daughter, the Mormon's wife ran off with another miner, and Ben passed away in the end. 

The Big Finale: For all the problems, the movie does have small following of fans who remember seeing it when it came out or on cable and enjoying the comedy and cast. I like it a lot more than the deadly dull Camelot, but it's still recommended mainly for major fans of Eastwood or the epic musicals or westerns of the 1960's. 

Home Media: Easily found on DVD and streaming; it's currently free with ads at Pluto TV On Demand. 

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Pluto TV On Demand

Camelot (1967)

Warner Bros, 1967

Starring Vanessa Redgrave, Richard Harris, Franco Nero, and David Hemmings

Directed by Joshua Logan

Music by Fredrick Loewe; Lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner

By the late 60's, in the wake of smash hits like The Sound of Music and My Fair Lady, movie musicals became grander and more costly. On Broadway, Camelot was already a big deal. Lerner and Loewe's follow up to the massive success of Lady featured Julie Andrews, Richard Burton, huge sets and costumes, and the biggest advance sale in New York history up to that time. Warners initially wanted to keep things close to the stage version, but Burton and Andrews were both busy. Logan saw Vanessa Redgrave onstage and thought she'd be a perfect Guinevere, and Harris practically begged him to play Arthur. Harris also brought in Nero, whom he worked with on The Bible: In the Beginning. How does this lavish retelling of King Arthur and his ultimately tragic reign look now? Let's begin with Arthur (Harris) telling his story just as he's about to go battle Sir Lancelot (Nero) and find out...

The Story: Arthur returns to the beginning, when he's a nervous young man about to enter an arranged marriage to lovely Lady Guinevere (Redgrave). She's enchanted by his rough ways, even after she figures out he's not out to rescue her from a life of boredom. As the years go by, he creates the Knights of the Round Table to encourage democracy and unifying England's many small kingdoms. 

Attracted by Arthur's ideals, French knight Lancelot (Nero) offers his services. Guinevere isn't crazy about him at first and encourages three knights to joust with him. She and Arthur are a lot more impressed when he defeats all three and heals the injuries on one. Guinevere is so impressed, she falls for Lancelot, and him for her. This is perfect fodder for Mordred (Hemmings), Arthur's illegitimate rabble-rousing son, to stir up trouble among the Arthur and his knights that ends with not only the dissolution of Arthur's marriage, but the end of his ideal pastoral "Camelot" as well.

The Song and Dance: Big, bigger, and biggest is the best way to describe this one. The massive sets depicting mystical Camelot and Arthur's castle were among the largest and last constructed on an American backlot; by this point, most movies preferred authentic location shooting. The sets and relatively historically accurate costumes won Oscars, as did the booming score by Alfred Newman. Hemmings makes a decent sneering Mordred; Lionel Jeffries has a few good moments as doddering King Pellinore, the oldest member of the Round Table who somehow managed to lose his kingdom. We even get a number that was dropped from the show, "Then You May Take Me to the Fair," with Guinevere convincing three knights to take on Lancelot. 

Favorite Number: We open with Arthur in a tree, asking "I Wonder What the King Is Doing Tonight" and admitting he's scared to death about his coming nuptials. Likewise, when Guinevere shows up with her entourage, she's wishing she could continue to enjoy "The Simple Joys of Maidenhood." Lancelot's bragging introductory song is "C'est Moi," in which he's so certain he'll be taken, he rides right up to the Round Table. 

Guinevere leads the court to revel in the delights of spring and "The Lusty Month of May" as they dance and frolic around the sun-dappled woods. Later, after he realizes he's losing his wife's love, Arthur laments Merlin never teaching him "How to Handle a Woman." Gene Merlino, who dubbed Nero, joins Redgrave for the show's two ballads, the intense "If Ever I Would Leave You" and regretful "I Loved You Once In Silence." Guinevere tries to cheer Arthur up by reminding him "What Would the Simple Folk Do?" in a charmingly goofy dance routine.

Trivia: While not the runaway blockbuster My Fair Lady was, Camelot did run almost three years in its original 1960 production with Burton, Andrews, and Roddy McDowell as Mordred. The cast singing several numbers on The Ed Sullivan Show helped eventually spread the word. The original London production also did well, running a little over two years. Burton and Harris appeared in Broadway revivals in 1980 and 1981, but neither lasted more than three months (though Harris' was filmed for TV). A 1993 revival with Goulet as Arthur barely did two months. Another revival is set to open on Broadway this December. 

John F. Kennedy was said to be a huge fan of the cast album; the show and the title song are still associated with his presidency to this day. 

What I Don't Like: For a swashbuckling sword-and-sorcery tale, this is slow-moving and heavily lacking in magic, both literal and figurative. Redgrave and Nero are miscast; Nero's Italian accent is thick enough to drive a pasta truck through, and he was dubbed (and not well). Redgrave can't sing, which is a problem in songs like "Simple Joys of Maidenhood," and is way too old to make us believe she's a young girl about to be married. Harris, no matter how badly he wanted the part, overdoes it to the point of being annoying. He did play the role onstage for years, including in that Broadway revival, so maybe it's Logan's lumbering and scattershot direction. 

The movie doesn't look great nowadays, either. The costumes and sets may have won Oscars in 1967, but they seem more drab and weird in the 21st century, with their ridiculous giant hats and dull orange-and-brown color scheme. Logan keeps rapid-cutting and montaging, including during "If Ever I Would Leave You," when he's not cutting to knighting and wedding ceremonies that slow the film to a crawl. Everything is stiff and boring, which isn't a good thing for a movie that stands at three hours. They really, really should have trimmed a lot of the first half and moved quicker into Lancelot and Guinevere's affair. 

The Big Finale: The movie does have its fans, but I'm afraid I've never been able to get into this one. It's just too slow and dull to be much fun. Only if you're a huge fan of Harris or Redgrave or the epic Broadway adaptations of the late 60's and early 70's. 

Home Media: Easily found on disc and streaming; HBO Max currently has it with a subscription.

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HBO Max

Animation Celebration Saturday - The Daydreamer

Rankin-Bass (Videocraft International)/Embassy Pictures, 1966

Voices of Paul O'Keefe, Jack Gilfrord, Margaret Hamilton, and Hayley Mills

Directed by Jules Bass

Music by Maury Laws; Lyrics by Jules Bass

Videocraft - what would later be known as Rankin-Bass - just had their first major success with Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer two years before. It and their other TV projects proved to be so wildly popular, they had the confidence to put out feature-length films made for children's matinees. This one was their second; for many Americans, it was their first time seeing the sometimes charming, sometimes tragic stories of Hans Christian Andersen depicted on the big screen. How does this unique live action-animated hybrid look now? Let's start with young Chris (O'Keefe) as his shoemaker father (Gilford) admonishes him to pay more attention to his lessons and find out...

The Story: Chris is bored with his father's constantly telling him to study and not daydream so much. He doesn't understand why Papa Andersen won't sell his wife's ring and use the money to make life easier for them. After having heard the Sandman (Cyril Ritchard) talk about the Garden of Paradise and the Tree of Knowledge, he runs away to find them. On the way, he dreams of many different characters, mermaids and emperors and tiny girls no bigger than your thumb, who lead him on fantastic adventures, but he abandons all of them to find that Garden. Meanwhile, his father has figured out what he's doing and has gone to find him, too. 

The Animation: Chris daydreams  himself into some really nifty stop-motion animation for the time. It looks more like Rudolph, with longer eyes and slightly smaller heads than a decade later. The water effects on "The Little Mermaid" are a bit awkward, just the screen getting wavy, but there are some truly unique designs for the Sea Witch and her creatures. There's also that truly frightening frog in the "Thumbelina" sequence - no wonder the characters are terrified of it! The damn thing is huge and ugly to the point of being nightmare fuel. 

The Song and Dance: Nifty animation and a nice cast liven up these tales. My favorite segment is "Thumbelina." Patty Duke makes a more spirited title character than is often seen in versions of her story, and we get villain specialists Boris Karloff as the nasty Rat and Sessue Hayakawa as the supercilious mole. While "Mermaid" doesn't retain the dark ending, it's otherwise a fairly decent adaptation, with Mills making a lovely princess of the sea and Bankhead obviously enjoying her role as the ocean-bound enchantress. There's also what the Garden of Paradise turns out to be in the end, and how Chris ends up losing his place there...

Favorite Number: The lovely title ballad plays over the opening and closing credits, the former performed by Robert Goulet. The Little Mermaid sings a heartbreaking song of longing, knowing that "Wishes and Teardrops" won't bring Chris back to her. The vain Emperor (Ed Wynn) crows about how he's "Simply Wonderful," and his usual clothes simply aren't. Chris calls out to the townspeople, asking if they have any "Luck to Sell" when he's caught and accused of stealing animals. The mole asks Thumbelina "Isn't It Cozy?" when they're down in his hole, but with bats singing along and the muddy, damp walls around them, it's really anything but.

What I Don't Like: First of all, let's discuss the Mole. He's designed to be something of an Asian stereotype, with his prominent buck teeth and squinty eyes. Even voiced by an actual Japanese actor who ended up playing several similar roles late in his career, he may still offend some people today.

As cool as the stories themselves are, they're thrown together with no real rhyme or reason. O'Keefe comes off as alternately dull and a spoiled brat who treats everyone around him badly. No wonder he falls to temptation in the Garden of Paradise so easily. Gilford's search for him is supposed to be dramatic, but then they have gags like the sped-up sequence on the water that come off as pure slapstick. And "The Little Mermaid" in particular is changed from its original - she doesn't lose her voice or become foam on the waves or even lose her tail. The frog in "Thumbelina" originally wanted to marry her, not eat her. 

The Big Finale: Not a bad way to pass an hour and a half if you're a Rankin-Bass fan or are a fairy tale fan or have kids who would enjoy the stories and songs. 

Home Media: Rereleased on DVD and Blu-Ray last year from Kino Lorber.

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Cult Flops - Glorifying the American Girl

Paramount, 1929

Starring Mary Eaton, Dan Healy, Edward Crandall, and Sarah Edwards

Directed by John W. Harkrider and Millard Webb

Music and Lyrics by Irving Berlin and others

Of course, operettas were far from the only - or the most popular - musical genre during the it's first flush of popularity in 1929-1930. Backstage films, which had existed even in the silent era, really exploded in 1929. Every studio rushed to make use of the new medium with tons of songs, dances, and acres of girls in plumed headgear and skimpy sequined costumes. Paramount and a cash-strapped Ziegfeld had been trying to get this one off the ground since 1928 By the time they settled on this mish-mash of cliches, it had been switched to all-talking. How does the story of a shop girl who learns how tough it can be to get "glorified" look almost a century later? Let's start with a nifty montage of women traveling across the country to New York to become the next Ziegfeld Girl and find out...

The Story: Gloria (Eaton) is a shop girl peddling sheet music in a department store who wants nothing more than to become the next big dancing star. Enter Danny Miller (Healy), half of a vaudeville dance team who just broke up with his partner. He meets Gloria at an employee picnic and, after doing a tap routine with her, convinces her to be his partner. She leaves behind her boyfriend Buddy (Crandall) and best friend Barbara (Olive Shea) to follow him to New York, only to discover that his real interest in her lays more in casting couches than her talent. Her conniving mother (Edwards) convinces her to sign a five-year-contract with him anyway. She does manage to get out of it, and even audition for the Follies...but she loses her Buddy in the process.

The Song and Dance: For all the elaborate dance routines and Two-Strip Technicolor, this is a pretty damn depressing movie, especially in the first half. It's surprisingly dark for the era, with it's small-time characters and low-down numbers contrasted with the more glamorous Ziegfeld image Gloria wanted so much to be a part of. It being filmed at Paramount's Astoria studios in Queens means there's a lot of location shooting at authentic New York landmarks, including Grand Central Station and on Broadway.

The second half is a lot more interesting. The Technicolor is a bit grainy, but it still adds a lot of spark to the Follies scenes. At the very least, it's easier to tell who everyone is in color. "The Lorelei" sequence, with dozens of actors (including Johnny Weissmuller) flitting about in various states of undress, is a lot easier to take and a bit less static in color, too. There's also Eddie Cantor's non-musical tailor skit. Other than a few Jewish stereotypes that may offend some folks, it mostly works pretty well today.

Favorite Number: The opening montage, set to "A Pretty Girl Is Like a Melody," really is nifty, with young women from all walks off life coming across a map of the US and dreaming of becoming a glamorous showgirl in feathers and ruffles. Gloria tells everyone how there's "No Foolin'" about what she wants as she sells sheet music to department store customers. One puts in a request for "Baby Face," which she gives him cheekily. Danny Miller and his partner Mooney (Kaye Renard) sing about "Spooning With the One You Love" at the company picnic, but they aren't feeling very romantic and spend the number arguing. Healy and Eaton do better with their tap routines to "Sam the Old Accordion  Man" at the picnic after Mooney stomps off and "Hot Feet" at the vaudeville house.

The film ends with those Technicolor Follies revue sequences. Eaton performs an elaborate ballet, flitting among showgirls in feathered animal costumes in a tutu. Rudy Vallee performs his signature "I'm a Vagabond Lover" with his orchestra. Helen Morgan comes off far better with her impassioned "What I Wouldn't Do for That Man!" Eaton finishes the film with the sad and bluesy "There Must Be Someone Waiting for Me In Loveland" while surrounded by showgirls in the most amazing glitter-and-feather costumes and headdresses. 

Trivia: Among the many real-life celebrities seen at the Ziegfeld Follies premiere are Noah Beery, then real-life New York mayor Jimmy Walker, Irving Berlin, producer Charles B. Dillingham, nightclub hostess Texas Guinan, and Ring Lardner. 

The most expensive movie made on the east coast at that time, it wound up being too costly to earn its money back and was a fair-sized flop for Paramount.

What I Don't Like: Edwards is the only member of the cast who makes even the least bit of an impression as Gloria's conniving, manipulative stage mother. Everyone else is either bland (Shea and Crandall) or obnoxious (Healy). Eaton tries hard, but other than showing a little spunk at her Ziegfeld audition, she mostly comes off as dull and vapid. No one is especially likable, not even Gloria, making it hard for you to root for her rise to the top the way you should. 

The plot is supreme melodrama of the most annoying and cliched type, and it contrasts badly with the glamorous Follies in the finale. Most current copies of the film don't include the color sequences or run them edited and in black and white. For the love of heaven, find those color sequences. The black and white copies look and sound terrible, tinny and blurry. The color, while not perfect, is still better than the black and white TV prints.

The Big Finale: Too dull to be for anyone but film historians or major fans of the movies made during the early talkie era. 

Home Media: If you're really interested in seeing this, look for the DVD or Blu-Ray Kino Lorber released in 2019 with the original blue tint and color sequences fully intact. The thorough bonus features alone make it worth checking out. All prints streaming online, including the one for free at Tubi, are the black-and-white TV versions.

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Cult Flops - Golden Dawn

Warner Bros, 1930

Starring Vivienne Segal, Walter Woolf King, Wallace Beery, and Alice Gentle

Directed by Ray Enright

Music and Lyrics by various

Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, I give you one of the worst film musicals ever made. It's in such jaw-dropping bad taste, it was a monumental flop even in its time. Having had success with their 1929 version of The Desert Song, Warners committed to making more operettas. Unfortunately, they didn't always commit to making them good. Golden Dawn is considered to be the rotten apple in a mostly bad batch. Just how terrible is this romantic action tale of a white goddess among natives and English and German soldiers in Dutch East Africa? Let's head to a camp, where Dawn's mother Mooda (Gentle) describes her daughter's marriage to the local god, and find out...

The Story: Dawn (Segal) is fair-skinned native girl who is in love with British rubber planter and prisoner of war Tom Allen (King), but is promised to the tribal god Muuglu. Big Shep Keyes (Beery), the black leader of the tribes, wants Dawn for himself. The Germans aren't overly thrilled with Tom chasing after a girl they believe to be half-native and send him back to England. That only works until the British retake Dutch East Africa. Keyes incites the tribe against Dawn, claiming she's angry he loves a white man. Tom needs to find some proof that Dawn isn't as "native" as her mother claims, before she's turned over to their gods as a sacrifice.

The Song and Dance: Well...you can't say this isn't original. Warner Bros does have a point with the blurb on the back of the DVD case that it's about as far from the backstage stories and weepy Al Jolson sob-stories of the early sound era as you can get. Beery's heavy, booming bass more than matches his insane performance. Cracking his whip and beating up anyone who gets in his way, his black makeup melting onto his white shirt, with an inappropriate southern accent, he's a like an action film villain from Marilyn Manson's fever dreams. Other cast members have more fun, including British comic Lupino Lane and his amazing rubber-limbed dance routine, feisty Marion Byron as the only other woman at the camp, and Lee Moran as the guy she's after. 

Favorite Number: We kick off with Mooda, singing about the changes to her homeland and how "Africa Smiles No More." Dawn tells the soldiers in the camp how she feels about "My Bwana," her Tom, in a lovely waltz. Beery booms a homage to "My Whip" that makes macho villains in 80's action films look tame by comparison. Joanna describes how she wants the man she loves to be "A Tiger" who treats her rough. Her man Blink claims he's looking for the same...but then she does actually push him around! Lupino Lane sings about what happens "In a Jungle Bungalow" and does an incredibly acrobatic dance, with some crazy splits and flinging around.

Trivia: This was originally filmed in color. Only black and white prints are currently available. A short fragment of the original color film was discovered in England in 2014. 

Golden Dawn premiered on Broadway in 1927, where it ran for three months, actually pretty decent for the time. Needless to say, it's never been heard from again, not even by light opera companies that specialize in older operetta. It's only surviving vestiges are a script, lobby cards and Playbils, and this film.

Wallace Beery's singing was so praised, he actually recorded "My Whip" for Brunswick. 

If Woolf King looks and sounds familiar to Marx Brothers fans, he'd do far better five years later as the villainous Italian singer who tries to push around them around in Night at the Opera. 

What I Don't Like: Hoooo boy. Where to begin? How about that flagrantly racist plot and all the hoopla over whether Dawn is white or light-skinned black? Or the white and British-skewered colonialism that claims the natives were in "peaceful subjunction." Or Joanna and Blink throwing each other around in a way that today would be considered domestic violence? Or there being no explanation for what two very obvious Americans are doing in the middle of Dutch East Africa in the first place. Or how stiff King is, and how laughably awkward his dialogue in particular comes off. 

There's also the terrible makeup and obvious sweating from the hot Technicolor lights on everyone, most obviously on Beery. Or the cheap sets and silly Muuglu totem that more closely resemble a kid's toy than a fearsome god. How about Lupino Lane not really having much to do besides his "Jungle Bungalow" dance and a few gags with King, or the dull choreography on the big native dance. 

The Big Finale: Everyone should have one incredibly, flagrantly, amazingly so-bad-it's-hysterical movie in their collection. This is mine. It may be terrible filmmaking and even worse racial politics, but you certainly can't say it's dull. It even has a few fans who enjoy the Viennese-style music and ignore the story. I say, mildly recommended only for historians of the early sound era, operetta fans, or those who want to see just how wildly off-the-rails a bad movie musical can get.

Home Media: DVD only as one of the earliest Warner Archives titles.

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