Cult Flops - Burlesque (2010)

Sony/Columbia, 2010

Starring Christine Aguilera, Cher, Eric Dane, and Stanley Tucci

Directed by Steven Antin

Music and Lyrics by various

Evidently, some important lessons were not learned from the failure of Glitter. Director/writer Steve Antin created this one back in 2002 after seeing Aguilera and other artists perform at the Roxy Theater nightclub in Hollywood. He fashioned this story for her, and later for Cher, after she decided this would likely be her last chance to sing in a major musical. Though it was better-received at the time than Glitter and didn't suffer from that film's production problems or universal pans, it wasn't a huge hit with critics or audiences, either. Why didn't it work? Let's begin as Alice "Ali" Rose (Aguilera) takes money from her abusive boss and heads to Los Angeles and find out...

The Story: Ali has dreamed of dancing professionally ever since she lost her mother at age 7. She has little success, until she stops in a burlesque club owned by singer Tess Scali (Cher) and flirts with the bartender Jack Miller (Cam Gigandet). He suggests she audition, but Tess isn't willing to give her the time of day, until she notices their waitress shortage and grabs a tray to help out. Ali eventually joins the chorus after one of the dancers reveals she's pregnant, then gets the star roles when lead dancer Nikki (Kristen Bell) is too drunk to go on. The jealous Nikki turns off the music they usually lip sync to, but Ali just sings in her own voice.

Despite Ali becoming the talk of the town, Tess is in serious financial trouble. Her ex-husband Vince (Peter Gallagher) wants to sell to developer Marcus Gerber (Dane), who wants to build an office tower. He claims he only owns the "air rights" over the club. Ali has been having her own problems. She was living with Jack while his fiancee Natalie (Dianna Agron) was doing a play in New York, but leaves when Natalie catches them in bed together. She ends up with Marcus, only to discover he has a lot more in mind for the burlesque theater than making use of its "air rights." She and Tess have to reveal the truth to the developer across the street (James Brolin) in order to save the theater and the song and dance they both love so much.

The Song and Dance: The song and dance...and some surprisingly strong performances...are the key here. Unlike weepy Carey, Aguilera is obviously having a blast. She's not the greatest actress by any means, but she manages to hold her own against the magnetic Cher and Tucci and even does decently in the dramatic scenes. Cher's even more fun as the older businesswoman who sees Ali as her last chance for fame and to save the club she loves. Tucci's hilarious as her gay partner, and Alan Cummings gets a few good lines as a dancer at the club. The brief, glittery costumes and the theater itself are just as important characters as the actual humans, especially as Ali rises to fame in the first half. The spangles, beads, and feather fans evoke the naughty world of the older Gypsy Rose Lee burlesques of the 30's and 40's, but the music and attitudes are decidedly modern.

The Numbers: We open with Ali's dream at the club and "Something's Got a Hold On Me." "My Drag" is the first of our chorus numbers. Cher performs "Welcome to Burlesque" after we get our first chorus number. "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" starts out with leather and studs as Nikki sings along to Marilyn Monroe's recording...but it turns into Ali's big number, complete with her own vocals. Nikki sings "Long John Blues" before she's ousted. 

Ali joins the chorus for "Nasty Naughty Boy" and auditions to the "Wagon Wheel Watusi." Madonna's "Ray of Light" is a chorus number for all of the girls. "Tough Lover" is Ali's rise to fame, while "But I'm a Good Girl" and "A Guy What Takes His Time" are 30's feather fan and barely-there-pearls stripteases. "Express" is heard near the end for Ali and the girls. Tess defiantly belts "You Haven't Seen the Last of Me" when she's on the verge of losing her club. Ali laments that she's "Bound to You," then finishes the movie with the big finale to "Show Me How to Burlesque." 

What I Don't Like: It's too bad all of these glittering numbers and enjoyable performances are bound to one of the silliest and most cliched scripts I've ever seen. This story has been done endlessly since cinema found its voice in the late 20's, and Burlesque does nothing fresh or inventive with it. The whole thing with buying the air rights and Tucci's sexuality do add mild modern twists, but it's not enough to sustain a whole movie. 

There's also the problem of Gigandet's character. Jack is, frankly, a jerk, inviting one woman over while his fiancee was half-way across the country, then lying and telling Ali he was free when he wasn't. Ali does deal with it somewhat better than Billie dealt with her betrayal, but she still went back to the jerk in the end after he left his fiancee (supposedly) for good. Nikki's alcohol story is defeated by the cliches and Bell's overwrought performance. 

The Big Finale: I'm surprised at how much I enjoyed this one, cliches and all. If you're a fan of the leading ladies or love huge, flashy musicals and are willing to overlook or ignore the heavy cliche storm, you may end up having just as much fun at Tess's burlesque theater, too.

Home Media: Thankfully, this one is also a lot easier to find. The discs often turn up for under $5, and it's everywhere on streaming.

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Family Fun Saturday - I Believe In Santa Claus (J'ai Recontre Le Pere Noel)

Acteurs Auteurs Associes, 1984

Starring Emeric Chapuis, Karen Cheryl, Armand Meffre, and Alexia Haudot

Directed by Christian Gion

Music by Francis Lai; Lyrics by Pierre-Andre Dousset

We travel across time and Europe from 1865 Holland to 1984 France for our next holiday movie. I first ran across this one on a dusty video I picked up when the local grocery store cleared out their tapes. I'd never heard of it before, and it wasn't online at that point. Now that it's on Tubi, I figured the time is right to finally share one of the strangest holiday movies I've ever seen. How bizarre is the story of a boy who asks Santa to find his missing parents for Christmas? Let's start with Simon (Chapuis) in the school yard and find out...

The Story: The only thing Simon wants for Christmas is for his parents, who are political prisoners in Africa, to come home. He writes a letter to Santa (Meffre) and sends it via his teacher (Cheryl). During a field trip to an airport, he and his best friend Elodie (Haudot) manage to sneak onto a plane and travel to Lapland to make sure Santa got the letter. 

Santa can't find Simon's parents alone. He recruits the Christmas fairy Maryellen (Cheryl) to help him convince the African guerrillas to release them. Meanwhile, Simon and Elodie wander in the woods and are captured by the nasty ogre (Dominique Hulin) who eats little children and looks an awful lot like the mean janitor who locked Simon in the closet when another child claimed he broke something and he didn't. When Santa and Maryellen return from Africa, they end up rescuing the two children, too.

The Song and Dance: Very unique French fantasy makes copious use of its European and African settings. It really was filmed in a small town in France and in the real Africa, and those are actual African locals playing the freedom fighters and people Santa asks directions from. Love the cinematography, especially the shots of cold, icy Lapland and wide open shots of desolate Africa. 

I also enjoy seeing holiday customs from France. I've never heard of a fairy helping Santa instead of Mrs. Claus, for instance. Kids put out their shoes for Santa instead of stockings, and Simon and Elodie help Santa cover presents in garland instead of wrapping paper. Everyone in the town goes to a midnight mass when the kids return. Some of the simple songs are real earworms, too. I can't get "'Cause There's a Father Christmas" out of my head for days after I watch this.

Favorite Number: Our first number is "Getting Ready for Christmas" as the kids write notes to Santa and the teacher helps them prepare their class for the holiday. The incredibly catchy "'Cause There's a Father Christmas" is the teacher's number with the kids as they take the bus to the airport. The kids are taken to "The Toy Factory" after they arrive in Lapland, where the see Santa's elves make the toys and Maryellen supervise. "Land of the Midnight Sun" is Maryellen's number when, dressed in a peasant outfit and cape, she travels through Lapland to rescue Simon and Elodie from the ogre. The kids join the teacher and their town at Midnight Mass for the carol "Christmas, a Child."

Trivia: The African scenes were filmed on location in Senegal. 

My original New World Pictures video from 1985 was titled Here Comes Santa Claus. 

What I Don't Like: Did I mention how weird this is? Very bizarre and low-budget. There are plot holes big enough to drive Santa's sleigh through. As far as I can tell, this isn't played as "it was all a dream." While I appreciate them not going for the cliche, it doesn't explain how they get away with sneaking off to Lapland without a single adult realizing something's wrong, or how Maryellen and the ogre look like the teacher and the janitor. There's also the janitor abusing Simon and locking him in the closet in the opening. Nowadays, he'd be brought up on abuse and assault charges, not just ignored or merely suspected of doing harm. Not to mention, Maryellen's magic seems to work at the writer's whim. 

The directing is so awkward, "Christmas, a Child" and "Land of the Midnight Sun" are cut off abruptly. The synchronization is terrible, too. The lips frequently don't match the words on the English dub. Santa and Maryellen do have some amusing banter in Africa...but fairies and Santa and ogres really don't belong in a story about political prisoners who want to return to their son. The African guerrillas are not played for laughs. The whole thing with the ogre gets pretty dark, too, including him actually eating a puppy (off-camera, but it's insinuated that he did). 

The Big Finale: The catchy Euro-pop music and unique story makes this one of my favorite holiday guilty pleasures, but it's definitely not for everyone. This one is best for true lovers of 80's cheese and older kids who'll appreciate something seriously weird in their Christmas viewing and still be able to ignore the plot holes and technical bobbles.

Home Media: The DVD is hard to find and expensive when it does appear. You're better off streaming this one. Tubi and Amazon Prime currently have it for free with ads.

DVD

Amazon Prime

Tubi

Cult Flops - Rock n' Roll High School Forever

Live Entertainment (Artisan), 1991

Starring Corey Feldman, Evan Richards, Patrick Malone, and Liane Curtis

Directed by Deborah Brock

Music and Lyrics by various

Rock n' Roll High School wound up being a surprise hit in 1979, enough for original director Arkush to consider a sequel. He didn't get to it until the early 90's, by which time the music scene had changed considerably. Cable channel MTV debuted in 1981, making "music videos" necessary for any music group of the time. The punk scene faded around the same time, splintering into many forms of hard rock. Heavy metal and rap were the choice music of a new generation of teen rebels. Kids, however, still rebelled, often against other kids, as in the many class-war comedies pitting local poor kids, or "slobs," against their wealthy "snob" peers. How does this play out in a teenage wasteland that's very different, but still the same in many ways? Let's begin at the rebuilt Ronald Regan High School over a decade later as the teachers discuss their anarchic students and find out...

The Story: The Eradicators, the hippest band at school, initiate "Rock and Roll High School Day," the anniversary of the original school's destruction, by flushing all the toilets and overflowing the aging plumbing. That's enough for the school board to call in Vice Principal Vadar (Mary Woronov), a frightening disciplinarian. She initiates a series of far stricter rules, breaks the Eradicators into different classes, and forbids them from seeing their favorite band or playing at prom. That's enough for group leader Jesse Davis (Feldman). He declares war on Vader and the school's conservative yuppie clique, playing pranks and doing everything he can to get the Eradicators to appear in the prom and prove rock means a lot more to teens than what they hear on MTV.

The Song and Dance: Considering it went straight to video in the US, this was surprisingly kind of fun. Feldman and Woronov are having a great time as the anarchic musician who wants to stick it to the snob kids and the rigid vice principal who wants to make the student body behave in any way possible. Liane Curtis, as the Eradicators' smart goth guitarist, and Patrick Malone, as their keyboardist and mechanical genius, do the best of the remaining kids, and we have an early performance by later tough guy Michael Cervantis taking over as school businessman Eaglebauer. The costumes and cinematography scream "1991" in every way possible, giving it a wacky camp vibe that makes it almost like a less-dark Heathers at times. 

Favorite Number: We open with the kids taking over the school with their flushing the toilets at once and ousting the teachers as Jesse rides a motorcycle down the halls, to the tune of "Bring It On Down." The Eradicators somehow convince a lady to let them worship her refrigerator while singing "I Yi Yi Yi Yi Like You Very Much." "I'm Walkin'" and "Tutti Frutti" are their big numbers at the first dance. The latter covers a huge fight, with the Eradicators throwing food around and destroying decorations. "High School Is a Prison" is played over the Eradicators ending up in the basement detention and seeing how strict Vader's ridiculous rules are. The Eradicators manage to clear out the other band hired for prom long enough to come in for the finale, including "Dare Dreamer" and "Rock Us Danny" as the kids laugh at their videos depicting how imperfect the frigid Vader and spoiled yuppie kids are. 

What I Don't Like: Um, yeah, did I mention how of-its-time this movie is? From the brightly patterned and slouchy or dark leather clothes on the Eradicators to the pastel or neutral plaids worn by the rich brats, this production screams "low budget 1991." It lacks the grittiness of the first film, though the humor is just as raunchy, if not even more annoying and juvenile. It's less off the cuff weirdness than trying too hard to be cool. And don't look for the Ramones - the band they want to see here is the little-known Pursuit of Happiness.

There's also the cliched subplot involving Jesse and the pretty substitute music teacher Rita (Sarah Buxton). Other than a hilarious sequence where Rita shows football players how cool classical music can be, she doesn't have much to do. Vader chases after her in the end only so Jesse can rescue her; she barely noticed Rita during the rest of the movie.

The Big Finale: Some folks seem to have fond memories of catching this on cable or checking out that video in the early and mid-90's. There's some funny sequences, but it's mostly unnecessary. Only if you're a gigantic fan of Feldman or the comedies of the late 80's and early 90's. 

Home Media: On DVD with another raunchy Feldman comedy from the 90's, South Beach Academy. 

DVD - Red Carpet Double Feature: South Beach Academy/Rock and Roll High School Forever

Cult Flops - The Return of Captain Invincible

Jensen Farley Pictures/Seven Keys, 1983

Starring Alan Arkin, Kate Fitzpatrick, Christopher Lee, and Michael Pate

Directed by Phillppe Mora

Music and Lyrics by various

Superheroes, especially of late, have conquered almost every media they've appeared in, from comics to TV to radio...except the musical stage. As anyone who saw Spider Man, Turn Off the Dark on-stage a decade ago can tell you, superhero cliches, with people flying and throwing things around and villains with insane world-domination plans, don't really mix well with bursting into song and huge dance routines. Spider Man wasn't even the first attempt to mix superhero and musical conventions, as we'll discover with our first two entries this week. How does this major sci-fi flop from Australia look nowadays, with far more serious science fiction hitting theaters? Let's start with a newsreel detailing more about the incredible career of Captain Invincible and find out...

The Story: Captain Invincible was the most beloved hero in the United States during the late 30's and 40's, defeating gangsters and Nazis alike...until he went under suspicion in the McCarthy witch hunts of the 1950's. Before he can be arrested, he takes off into the horizon, never to be seen again.

In the early 80's, New York is hit by a strange ray that makes immigrants want to instantly leave their homes and move to a certain housing project on the edge of the mainland. The President of the United States, who a huge Captain Invincible fan, wants the Man of Magnet back on the job. Policewoman Patty Patria (Fitzpatrick) is the last person to have seen him...wandering around, muttering and drunk. It's up to Patty to get him back into fighting shape and bolster his confidence in truth, justice, and the American way. Supervillain Mr. Midnight (Lee) has his own plans for Invincible...and he won't let him get in the way of his plans for world domination.

The Song and Dance: This is one of those movies where everything is so weird, after a while, you just sit back and run with it. Arkin and especially Lee throw themselves into their roles, chewing every bit of scenery in sight, and have a marvelous time doing so. And who knew Lee in particular had a pretty darn decent voice? His part of "Mr. Evil Midnight" is a rich, campy delight. For an Australian production, there's also more goofy jokes about America than you can shake a red, white, and blue flag at, especially involving Midnight's hideout in the deli and Patty's speech over "The American Eagle Network."

Favorite Number: "We Need a Hero" starts with the President cursing out his underlings when they can't figure out how to handle Midnight's scheme, and ends with him leading the heads of a military in a chorus routine saluting the government's need to call in for help. Meanwhile, Captain Invincible laments about his lost career pointing out that the good and the bad aren't so different in the country flavored "Amazing How They're Alike." 

"Mr. Evil Midnight" is another huge chorus routine, as Invincible explains to Patty and the riders on the subway what Midnight does, while Midnight sings about his delight in being nasty with his scantily-clad chorus girls. Lee also gets to show off his wonderful voice as he and his devilish dancers try to coerce Invincible to "Name Your Poison" and return to drinking.

What I Don't Like: Even for a satire, this doesn't make a shred of sense. The movie just cuts from incident to action sequence to musical number with no rhyme or reason. Many important bits of information, including how Midnight finally regains his powers and him rescuing the trapped new home owners in the end, are alluded to but not shown. 

Midnight's plan revolves around forcing ethnic families out of the country in the hopes that white Americans will cheer him for it...and it tends to hit a little too close to the mark with the racial tension in the US lately. Other aspects, including those stereotypes and all of Invincible's bellyaching about the changes in America between 1950 and 1983, are almost annoyingly dated. It's also pretty obvious Kirpatrick was dubbed (although the bad sync may have been intentional), and her soft rock ballad is the silliest and most boring song in the film.

The Big Finale: No movie with Christopher Lee can be all bad, and indeed, while not a lost treasure, this one can be a lot of fun. It really lives in its own warped world where the usual logic doesn't apply. If you can run with that and are a fan of superhero movies or Lee, you may get as much of a kick out of this one as I did.  

Home Media: As far as I can tell, currently DVD only.

DVD

Animation Celebration Saturday - Happily Ever After (1993)

Filmation, 1993

Starring Irene Cara, Malcom McDowell, Michael Horton, and Ed Asner

Directed by John Howley

Music and lyrics by various

Today, Filmation is best-known for their action-oriented Saturday morning and syndicated shows like He-Man: Masters of the Universe and Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, but they did make animated films in the 70's and 80's. Most went straight to video or TV, but a few did get into the theaters. This was intended to be the second in a series of follow-ups to popular Disney films after their Pinocchio and the Emperor of the Night, but the studio shut down before it could go any further with these plans. How well does this follow-up to Snow White look now? To find out, we begin at the evil queen's castle, where her animal minions are enjoying a wild celebration...

The Story: That celebration doesn't last for very long. The castle is taken over by Lord Maliss (McDowell), the evil queen's brother, who wants to avenge his sister and destroy Snow White. He's able to kidnap the Prince (Horton), but Snow White (Irene Cara) is able to flee through the woods to the Dwarfs' cottage. Their home has been taken over by their cousins the Dwarfelles, seven female dwarfs who control nature. Thunderella, the youngest (Tracey Ullman), has been having trouble with her weather powers. Mother Nature (Phyllis Diller) doesn't appreciate her mistakes or the others using their magic to bicker and send them along with Snow White to the Land of Doom to rescue the Prince. On the way, they encounter a mysterious Shadow Man in rags who will do anything to protect Snow White. The Dwarfelles think he's working with Maliss, but Snow White can't help thinking he seems familiar...

The Animation: Better than their TV shows, but still nowhere near the quality Disney had started to put out by 1993. The Dwarfellas are appropriately defined and cute (even when their characters aren't), but Snow White and the Prince look more than a little lifeless. Maliss is more appropriately frightening, especially in his dragon form. Some of the action sequences in the second half, like the flood, come off a little better.

The Song and Dance: This is less a sequel to the Disney Snow White and more "Snow White as interpreted by the makers of He-Man." As such, it has a few interesting ideas and characters. McDowell happily chews all the scenery he can as the genuinely menacing Lord Maliss. The relationship between Snow White and the Shadow Man is sweet and even touching, especially if you figure out who he really is well before Snow White does. The Dwarfelles have a couple of funny bits, especially when they're attacking the castle towards the end. I also appreciate that Snow White actually tries to stop Maliss a few times and comes off as a bit tougher than she usually does in most adaptations of her story. 

Favorite Number: Scowl tells the other critters in the Evil Queen's castle how he's "The Baddest" in one of the goofiest early rap numbers I've ever heard. The Dwarfellas and Snow White play a game to guess what Mother Nature's "creations" are actually supposed to be in "Mother Nature's Song." Cara gets to sing a decent early 90's power ballad, "Love Is the Reason," over the credits.

What I Don't Like: There's some wonderful ideas here. I just wish they did more with them. The movie needs to be at least 20 minutes longer. Most of the Dwarfellas barely register beyond a few gags, and why did they have powers? They barely used them, other than at the beginning to quarrel and in the end when Thunderella used hers. Mother Nature only appears in her one song and briefly in the finale and doesn't really do much, either. And what were with the totally worthless bat and owl characters? Scowl (Asner) and Batso's (Frank Welker) side plot with them wanting to be bad has nothing whatsoever to do with the rest of the film and, other than Scowl's ridiculous rap number that comes from nowhere, is basically padding. 

The Big Finale: There's enough that I like here for me to consider this a guilty pleasure...but if you're not into Filmation's style or weird 80's-early 90's animated movies, you probably won't find much to enjoy here. 

Home Media: I'm afraid your best bet is YouTube or doing what I did and looking for the VHS. Not only is the DVD out of print and very expensive, but they cut out a lot of the violence, making the movie even more confusing than it already is. 

VHS

YouTube

Cult Flops - The Pirate Movie

20th Century Fox, 1982
Starring Kristy MacNichol, Christopher Atkins, Ted Hamilton, and Bill Kerr
Directed by Ken Annikin
Music by Arthur Sullivan and others; Lyrics by W.S Gilbert and others

In a response to the success of the revival of Pirates of Penzance in New York in 1981, there were two versions of the classic Gilbert and Sullivan operettas on the big screen in 1982 and 1983. Neither was a success, but both would pick up a bit more of an audience on cable in the 80's and early 90's. This rock-and-roll Australian spoof came out first, in the summer of 1982. Is it still worthy of a modern major general, or should it be made to walk the plank? Let's join a young woman and her friends at a pirate festival on the docks at Sydney, Australia and find out...

The Story: Mabel (MacNichol) is a rather nerdy Australian girl who is on an outing with her gorgeous friends at a pirate festival. The swordfighting instructor (Atkins) she meets on a pier invites her and her friends on a trip with him, but they kick her off. She rents a pontoon and follows them, only to fall off and wash up on an island.

It's there that she dreams that she's the daughter of a very modern Major General (Kerr) in the late 1800's. The instructor becomes Fredrick, a young man raised by less-than-bloodthirsty pirates, including the sex-crazed Pirate King (Hamilton). It's his birthday, and he wants to leave his apprenticeship with the buccaneers and work towards their destruction. He heads to shore; while the ship's nurse Ruth (Maggie Kirkpatrick) tries to flirt with him, but he's more interested in the young women frolicking behind parasols on shore. They're the daughters of Major General Stanley, and they're all afraid of a pirate...except the bold and sarcastic Mabel. Mabel finds herself having to first defend her sisters against the randy Pirate King and his men, then leading Fredrick to find the pirates' lost treasure.

The Pirate King finds Fredrick first. He and Ruth reveal that Fredrick's birthday isn't exactly what he thinks it is. When he switches sides, Mabel takes his place. She has to try to lead a group of very frightened cops to victory against pirates twice their size...and remember that in dreams, everyone can make their own happy ending.

The Song and Dance: I have such fond memories of watching this on cable as a kid in the early-mid 80's. For the most part, it's still as much fun as I remember it, kind of a musical cross between Pirates of the Caribbean and the Mel Brooks movies of the 70's and 80's. MacNichol is having a blast as the shy girl who dreams herself into the role of a strong and smart heroine. This movie was originally Hamilton's idea, and he's very funny as the leader of the buccaneers who is determined to chase anything in a skirt, with Kirkpatrick almost as good as Ruth, who is more-or-less his female counterpart in flirting. He and Atkins have the best non-musical moment in the hilarious duel all over Werribee Mansion.

One of my favorite things about this is the gorgeous cinematography. The movie was shot on location in and around the historic Werribee Park Mansion in Victoria, Australia, and even when the plot is at it's silliest, it never looks less than beautiful.

Favorite Number: My own sisters and I used to love "The Sisters' Song (Riding Over Rocky Mountain)," mainly because of their cute frilly pink and yellow parasols that they twirl throughout the number. The choreography here is pretty nifty, too. Mom got a kick out of the revised lyrics for "Modern Major General" that makes references to the Beatles and the Rolling Stones. In fact, most of the ensemble numbers here are a lot of fun to watch, including the finale "Happy Ending" (despite a few questionable hand-and-arm movements in that one). Mabel also gets the animated-live action segment "Pumpin' and Blowin'," as she does just that while Fredrick searches for the treasure.

Trivia: Ken Annikin was a mentor of George Lucas, hence the Star Wars reference (and Annkin's name being used for the character of Anakin Skywalker).

What I Don't Like: A lot of the gags here are either very sexually-oriented, misogynist, or dated. (The Pink Panther sequence is funny only if you've seen the later movies in that franchise.) The sex jokes went over our heads when we were kids, but they may be a little too randy for some adults today. Mabel and Fredrick's big duet and their solo love songs are fairly bland 80's pop ballads and are at odds with the more uptempo rock songs and the Gilbert and Sullivan. Speaking of Gilbert and Sullivan, this is obviously not for purists or those looking for for a more traditional version of Pirates of Penzance.

The Big Finale: With its jokey tone, perky pop songs, and strong heroine, this might actually have been ahead of its time. If you love comic swashbucklers, goofy musicals, or action movies with a good female lead, you'll want to dig up this treasure.

Home Media: Unfortunately, the lone Anchor Bay Entertainment DVD release that I have is currently out of print. Your best bet may be to look for this at used venues like eBay or Goodwill.

DVD

Cult Flops - Streets of Fire

Universal, 1984

Starring Michael Pare, Diane Lane, Amy Madigan, and Rick Moranis

Directed by Walter Hill

Music and Lyrics by Jim Steinman, Ry Cooder, and others

I found the soundtrack to this movie at a yard sale about eight years ago and fell in love with the epic-hard rock-meets-rockabilly sound right away. I can't believe I never heard of this movie as a child in the 1980's. Apparently, it was a massive flop then, despite one of its songs, "I Can Dream About You," becoming a top 10 hit. It did better overseas, especially in Japan, and eventually became something of a cult favorite in the US as well. How does this influential "rock & roll fable" sound over 30 years later? Let's take a 50's Cadillac to a city in "another place, another time" and find out...

The Story: Singer Ellen Aim (Lane) of rock group Ellen Aim and the Attackers, is kidnapped by nasty biker Raven Shaddock (William Dafoe) and his biker group the Bombers. Her best friend Reva Cody (Deborah Van Valkenburgh) convinces her brother Tom (Pare), a war veteran and Ellen's ex-boyfriend, to go after her. He's joined by McCoy (Madigan), a tough female mechanic who knows her way around a gun and a fight. Tom does eventually agree to go after Ellen, but only if he's paid by her current boyfriend Billy Fish (Moranis). Even after they do manage to rescue Ellen, Shaddock and the Bombers are still on their tail...and Tom may still have feelings for Ellen. 

The Song and Dance: This may be one of the most 80's movies in existence. It's a strange blend of 50's rockabilly, 80's Blade Runner neon in the rain, and hard rock...and darned if it doesn't work. This movie is the definition of "cool." It oozes it from every dark-shadowy street and exploding car. It reminds me so much of video games from the mid-80's like Kung Fu and Double Dragon that had a muscular protagonist in a stylized world rescuing his girlfriend from mooks. Moranis and Madigan  steal the movie as Ellen's loud-mouthed manager and the tomboy mechanic who can out-drink and out-swear the men hands down. Defoe makes for creepy biker villain as well.

Favorite Number: Ironically, "I Can Dream About You" may actually be one of the lesser numbers from the film. While it does work with Tom's heartbreak at the end, it's also jarringly pop-ish compared to the darker songs in the rest of the score. My favorites are the epic rockers in the opening and closing concert sequences, "Nowhere Fast" and "Tonight Was Made for the Young." There's also a nice ballad towards the end, "Sorcerer." 

Trivia: The role of McCoy was originally written for a man, but Amy Madigan's audition was so impressive, they gave her the part anyway.

"Tonight Is What It Means to Be Young" would be re-written for Steinman's German musical Tanz Der Vampires (Dance of the Vampires in the US) as the title song. 

Steinman wrote "Means to Be Young" in two days, after the rights to use Bruce Springsteen's "Streets of Fire" fell through.

The movie was a far bigger hit overseas, especially in Japan. It's inspired several equally-hard-nosed anime, notably Bubblegum Crisis.

What I Don't Like: This is definitely a movie where it's style over substance. It's all hard-edged wisecracks, explosions, neon, and longing glances in the rain. I suspect a lot of people, especially critics, didn't know what to make of it at the time. Some misogynistic overtones and Pare and Lane's fairly dull performances don't help. If you don't love hard rock, the mid-80s neon aesthetic, or prefer your musicals to be more traditional or romantic, this isn't for you.

The Big Finale: Action musicals are a rare breed; if you're a fan of Steinman's style of epic rock, the action movies of the time, or the cast, it's absolutely worth a look.

Home Media: Its cult following has assured that it's available in all formats, including many streaming companies. 

DVD

Blu-Ray

Amazon Prime

Animation Celebration Saturday - Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

Disney, 1997
Starring Paige O'Hara, Robby Benson, Tim Curry, and Bernadette Peters
Directed by Andy Knight
Music by Rachel Portman; Lyrics by Don Black

Yes, this is why I didn't review this follow-up to the massively popular Beauty and the Beast as a double-feature with the original, like I did with Pocahontas and The Little Mermaid.  I couldn't resist saving it for closer to the holiday. If there was ever a Disney movie that was a tough act to follow, Beauty is it. It was one of the biggest hit movies of the early 90's, and is one of three animated movies to date to be nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. How does the first sequel compare? Let's return to the castle of the Beast, this time in late December, and find out...

The Story: The bulk of this one is set during Belle's (O'Hara) time at the castle, when she and the Beast (Benson) were just starting to warm up to each other. The Beast is set against anyone celebrating Christmas. Belle thinks otherwise. Christmas is just the thing that the residents of the castle need to give them hope. What she doesn't know is that the Beast was transformed into a monster on Christmas Eve, and it understandably soured him on the holiday. She's determined to celebrate anyway, whether he likes it or not.

Meanwhile, Forte (Curry), a dour organ, is equally determined to keep his hold on the Beast. He'd rather remain an object and have the Beast notice him and his dull and dark songs than be ignored again. He convinces a piccolo (Paul Reubens) to first sabotage their efforts to cheer up the Beast, then snitch when Belle leaves the castle to get a tree. Not to mention, the castle decorator, Angelique (Peters), thinks they'll all just be disappointed again. It takes a gift from Belle to show the Beast what hope is really all about and convince him to rethink his stance on the holiday season.

The Animation: A real mixed bag. Some of it isn't bad for a direct-to-DVD feature. More effort was put into this than Little Mermaid II or Pocahontas II, especially the first version of "As Long as There's Christmas," with the objects stacked via computer effects to resemble a tree. Most of the other CGI effects look as cheap as they likely are. Doing Forte entirely in CGI hasn't dated well at all. It looks obvious and clashes badly with the hand-drawn animation in most of the remainder of the film.

The Song and Dance: There's more to enjoy here than you might think. Not only did they bring back most of the original cast of the first movie, but we also have Peters (who gets to sing a nice duet on "As Long as There's Christmas" with O'Hara) and Curry, the later digging into his role as the selfish organ with relish. Jeff Bennett gets some funny moments as a Yiddish ax who chops wood to heat the castle.

Favorite Number: While the two versions of "As Long as It's Christmas" are lovely, my favorite song from this one is "Stories." Belle sings this salute to the adventures a good story can take us on to Chip as she writes and illustrates a book for the Beast. Not only is the animation depicting the book as she creates it gorgeous (and pretty accurate to many fairy-tale anthologies), but as a fellow book-lover and writer, the message of the song really hits a deep chord with me.

What I Don't Like: Unfortunately, like Little Mermaid, this is pretty much a rehash of the first film with a weaker villain. Curry's performance does make Forte a cut above Morgana from Mermaid, but he still can't compare to Gaston and his outrageously over-the-top masculinity. Other than the "Christmas" duet, Peters is barely in the movie. Bennett's ax has some good lines, but he's also a bit of a Jewish stereotype and may annoy some folks and offend others. Other than "Christmas" and "Stories," the music is dull and flat; Curry's "Don't Fall In Love" is especially disappointing.

The Big Finale: For all it's problems, I will admit this has become a guilty pleasure of mine since I picked it up on DVD about a decade ago. It's definitely one of the better direct-to-home-media Disney movies of the 90's and early 2000's. If you have fans of Beauty and the Beast around or are looking for a fun movie to show your elementary-school-age kids during Christmas break, you can do a lot worse than this. (It's a bit dark for really the really young guys.)

Home Media: It looks like the Blu-Ray/DVD combo is out of print at press time; your best bet here may be the rather nice DVD set or streaming services like Amazon Prime.

DVD
Amazon Prime (buy only)

Musicals on TV - Babes In Toyland (1986)

Orion Television/NBC, 1986
Starring Drew Barrymore, Keanu Reeves, Jill Schoelen, and Richard Mulligan
Directed by Clive Donner
Music and Lyrics by Leslie Bricusse

And now, we go back a bit to give you NBC's big holiday offering for 1986. It made decent enough ratings then, but wasn't well-received, despite getting a theatrical release in Europe. Is this worth the sled trip to Toyland? Let's head to a snowy Cincinatti, Ohio to find out...

The Story: Lisa Piper (Barrymore) is an 11-year-old girl living in Cincinatti with her older sister Mary (Schoelen), her younger brother, and her harried single mother (Eileen Brennan). Lisa is used to being her mother's helper, which makes her feel quite adult. She takes it on herself to warn Mary and her guy friends Jack (Reeves) and George (Googy Gress) about a snowstorm on Christmas Eve, dashing to the toy store where they work. The store's sleazy owner Barney (Mulligan) wishes she'd go away, but she does manage to help her sister and the guys evacuate the building. They're on their way home in the thick of the blizzard when Lisa slides out on the new sled Mary gave her and hits a tree.

She awakens in Toyland, a magical world where teddy bears are cops and everyone rides around in cute, colorful little cars like something out of an amusement park. What she finds isn't as amusing. The evil Barnaby (Mulligan) is about to wed pretty young Mary Quite Contrary (Schoelen), who is trying to save her family from being evicted. Mary really loves Jack Be Nimble (Reeves). Lisa immediately stops the wedding, earning Barnaby's ire and that of Mary's dithery mother Mrs. Hubbard (Brennan).

Barnaby first accuses Jack of stealing cookies from his cookie factory and has him arrested. Lisa and Georgie Porgie (Gress) break Jack out, but Barnaby has another plot. He wants a Jar of Evil that the kindly Toymaker (Pat Moriata) has been collecting. He thinks that jar will give him enough power to take over Toyland and eliminate toys from the world! Lisa and her friends do their best to stop him...but in the end, it's up to Lisa to remember that one of the greatest weapons we can have is the ability to see the world through the eyes of a child.

The Song and Dance: There's some really cute ideas here. I love details like Barnaby's vulture-things with an eye that helps him keep track of his enemies and Mrs. Hubbard carrying around a list to remember every single thing she says or does. Lisa's attempts to play matchmaker to the two mid-way through are pretty funny, as is how they manage to break Jack out of jail. Barrymore does fairly well as the child who refuses to believe that she's still young; Mulligan's having a fine time chewing the scenery to atoms, both as the scuzzball toy store owner and the old-fashioned silent movie-style villain.

Favorite Number: The children's chorus song "May We Wish You the Happiest Christmas," performed as Lisa is making her way to the toy store in the opening, is reworked later in Toyland as a wedding song for Barnaby and Mary with almost the exact same lyrics. Not only is that a nice touch, but it perfectly emphasizes the Wizard of Oz-like feel the story is going for. Mulligan can't sing, but he throws himself into his big number "A World Without Toys" anyway.

Trivia: The version of this that I own (and that was released on video in 1991) is the shortened European theatrical version. The original TV broadcast included longer versions of some scenes and more numbers, including a duet for Mary and Jack when the latter is in jail.

What I Don't Like: Mulligan and Brennan are the only ones who seem to have any real grasp of the material. Keanu Reeves in particular does not belong here, and Schoelen is only slightly better. They both work better in the opening sequence at the toy store than in Toyland and have no chemistry whatsoever. Other than the joke with the "Happiest Christmas/Wedding" song, most of the music is bland and very far from Bricusse's best work. The only person in the cast who can actually sing - Brennan - doesn't. The dialogue is corny and forced, and the bored readings of many lines doesn't help.

The production looks incredibly cheap. The amusement park cars are more silly than whimsical, and the full-body costumes for the animal characters and toy soldiers were probably pulled off the rack from the nearest party store. The villainous characters are a little better. The designs of the trollogs (Barnaby's vulture-like minions), the trolls, and his mooks Mack and Zack are actually pretty scary. I just wish you could actually see them. Barnaby is supposed to live in a dark bowling ball in an evil forest, but the lighting is so dim, you can't really tell what's going on in those scenes.

The Big Finale: This is kind of a guilty pleasure of mine, and has been since it ran occasionally on the 25 Days of Christmas marathon on Fox Family Channel (now Freeform) in the early 2000's. I can't in all good faith recommend it to those who haven't built up an immunity to cheese or didn't grow up watching those Fox Family broadcasts. Unless you're a really huge fan of the cast or love campy or so-bad-they're (slightly) good movies, you'll want to give this one a pass.

Home Media: That 1991 video was sold at McDonald's as part of a big holiday VHS promotion in 1992. It's out of print, but still fairly easy to find. (I dubbed my copy off one of them.) To my knowledge, this has never been released on DVD or Blu-Ray in the US. It is free for downloading on Amazon Prime, and the original full TV version can be found on YouTube.

VHS
Amazon Prime
Babes In Toyland - The Director's Cut (YouTube)

Cult Flops - Mame

Warner Bros, 1974
Starring Lucille Ball, Robert Preston, Beatrice Arthur, and Jane Connell
Directed by Gene Saks
Music and Lyrics by Jerry Herman

Auntie Mame - a fictional biography of a madcap society woman and her loving if bewildered nephew and staff - was a smash hit book by Patrick Dennis in 1955. It later became an equally popular play, and then a blockbuster movie with Rosalind Russell in 1958. The stage musical debuted in 1966, and with Angela Landsbury as Mame, was an even bigger hit. Mame's charmed life seemed to end there. Landsbury was passed over for the film version in favor of Lucille Ball, who was then at the tail end of her her celebrity as the biggest comedienne on television. When it finally debuted around Easter 1974, reviews were scathing and the film was a major flop. It didn't help that the brassy musical comedies that were big in the 60's had gone out of style by the mid-70's. What happened here? Let's head down to Beekman Place in New York City, where the party is just getting started, and find out...

The Story: For Mame Dennis (Ball), every day is an adventure. It's the Roaring 20's, and she's determined to roar right along with it, especially after she adopts her late brother's son Patrick (Kirby Furlong). She wants to show her "little love" and everyone around her, including Patrick's shy nanny Agnes (Connell), how to live life to the fullest. Trips to speakeasies and fire houses and schools where children run around naked may amuse Patrick, but it doesn't delight his conservative trustee, Mr. Babcock (John McGiver). Babcock has him taken away, just as the Depression hits.

Mame first gets a job in a "terribly modern operetta" starring her friend Vera Charles (Arthur), but she forgets her one line. She goes through a series of jobs, until she meets the handsome and charming southerner Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside (Preston) while working as a saleswoman in a department store. They end up getting married after she charms his family during a wild fox hunt. Beau dies in a skiing accident, leaving Mame back in the black but alone. She and Vera decide that Agnes is their next project, but she gets a little too into the "life is a banquet" thing and comes home pregnant. She's even less happy when a now-grown Patrick (Bruce Davidson) announces that he's going to marry a snotty college girl from Connecticut (Doria Cook-Nelson). Mame has to find someone more appropriate for Patrick while helping Agnes with her delicate condition, too.

The Song and Dance: Most of the complaints centered on Lucille Ball's performance, claiming she was miscast. I thought she was just fine, especially during comic set pieces like the roller skating sequence after she meets Beauregard and the wacky fox hunt. Arthur and Connell are even better repeating their Broadway roles, and Preston makes for an especially charming southern gentleman. The costumes are a lot of fun, from Mame's 20's lounging outfits to that stunning red gown with the massive fan trim she wears to her party for the Upsons in the late 1940's.

Favorite Number: "We Need a Little Christmas" is probably the best-known song from the show, and the number based after it is too adorable. Mame comes home from her sales clerk job and decides to cheer everyone up by celebrating early. (I love Agnes doubling as a tree covered in tinsel garlands.) Robert Preston gets a touching ballad Jerry Herman wrote expressively for the film, "Loving You," performed during the montage of Mame and Beau's decade-long honeymoon. Ball is hysterical flubbing her line in "The Man in the Moon."

Honestly, the movie is worth seeing just for Beatrice Arthur and Lucille Ball going at each other in the classic friends song "Bosom Buddies." They're just too funny in that number; their expressions at each bit of sarcasm is perfect.

What I Don't Like: Ball's singing voice was never terribly good, and while that works for chorus songs or in the comic "Bosom Buddies," her croaking does the dramatic ballad "If He Walked Into My Life" no favors. The soft-focus filters used to make Ball look younger just makes the film look out of focus at some points.

The Big Finale: I think the critics have been way too rough on this one for years, especially those who saw Landsbury in the stage show. If you love Lucy, the original book or movie, or big, bold musical comedy, you'll want to give Mame another chance at life, too.

Home Media: Ball's ongoing status as a major icon of comedy is probably the reason this one can be found on most formats; it was just released to Blu-Ray by the Warner Archives last week.

DVD
Blu-Ray
Amazon Prime

Cult Flops Double Feature - Man of La Mancha and The Fantasticks

Tonight folks, I'm launching a new feature at the blog, where I review the occasional flop that deserves a second look. Case in point, these two major bombs. While their subject matter is vastly different, they have a lot more in common than you might think on the surface. Both feature casts with widely varying takes on the material, went through troubled productions, were distributed by United Artists, point out the harsh reality behind romantic facades, and had the misfortune to debut during time periods when musicals were largely out of fashion. La Mancha was a bomb during the 1972 Christmas season; Fantasticks was filmed in 1995, but didn't make it to a smattering of theaters until 2000. Do they deserve the notoriety, or are these darkly fanciful tales diamonds in the rough? Let's look and see...

Man of La Mancha
United Artists, 1972
Starring Peter O'Toole, Sophia Loren, James Coco, and Harry Andrews
Directed by Arthur Hiller
Music by Mitch Leigh, Lyrics by Joe Darion

The Story: Author and playwright Cervantes (O'Toole) and his faithful manservant (Coco) are brought into prison for writing a play that offended the Spanish Inquisition. The head of the prisoners (Andrews) grabs his manuscript and says they'll hold a trial to see if it's author is worthy of having it returned. Cervantes' testimony is the tale of Don Quixote (also O'Toole), an insane nobleman who believes he's a knight-errant who must right wrongs, and his servant Sancho Panza (Coco) is a squire. The head of the prisoners becomes the Innkeeper; the other prisoners are the old nobleman's family, who are determined to bring him home and show him what the world is really like.

Quixote admires a serving wench at the inn (and in the actual prison) who is really named Aldonza, but whom he declares to be his lady fair and true love Dulcinea. Aldonza doesn't know what to make of him at first, especially when the drunks at the inn (and prisoners) attack her later in the film. After a trick with mirrors makes Quixote realize just how harsh life is, it takes Aldonza and Sancho to remind him that everyone has an "impossible dream." Some of us are just better at making them come true than others.

The Song and Dance: Peter O'Toole was appropriately over-the-top as Cervantes/Don Quixote, in a performance somewhat reminiscent of his aging movie star in My Favorite Year. Coco was also good as his comic sidekick, and I liked Andrews as the disbelieving prisoner/innkeeper. The widescreen cinematography shows off a dusty, earthy Italy, who's flat yellow plains bring some surprisingly gritty realism to this semi-fantastical tale. The book even restores a sequence from the original novel (the part after Quixote's family arrives about the people who were supposedly turned into statues) that the show cut out. The shabbiness of the scenery and windmill and Quixote's armor is also directly from the book.

Favorite Number: This is the show that gave us the standard "The Impossible Dream," and it does come off pretty well here as Quixote uses it to explain why he's doing what he does. Some of the other songs are even better. Coco's "I Really Like Him," sung to Aldonza in the inn's courtyard, is really quite touching. "I'm Only Thinking of Him," with Quixote's sister Antonia (Julie Gregg) and their housekeeper (Rosalie Cruchley) complaining about his antics to a "padre" (Ian Richardson), is a simple number performed by actual singers in the dungeon, rather than the "imagined" world, and it's the funniest song in the film. The chorus reprise of "Dulcinea" and "Little Bird, Little Bird" are well-staged with exuberant choreography by Gillian Lynne (who would later go on to do Cats).

What I Don't Like: O'Toole was dubbed (by Simon Gilbert), and it does show, especially when his syncing is off during "Impossible Dream." Loren probably should have been dubbed as well. She does no justice to "Aldonza" and "It's All the Same" and sleepwalks through a role that should have been fiery and passionate.

This is not the musical for you if you want to look at pretty scenery. The colors are all muted browns and yellows and grays, even out on the plains of La Mancha, and the sets and costumes are all either dilapidated or dark and dreary (which, to be fair, is actually a reflection of the original novel). The original idea of a "show within a show" and the switching back and forth between the "real" inmates and the "fictional" Quixote and his world feels awkward and odd, and probably comes off better on the stage.

The Big Finale: Not a great musical, but not quite as horrible as many critics claim. I enjoyed some of the numbers and O'Toole and Coco enough that I didn't mind the rental, but it's ultimately too dreary to be a frequent favorite. Worth checking out at least once if you're a fan of O'Toole or prefer your musicals on the darker side.

Home Media: The solo DVD  is out of print at press time. Your best bet is the Blu-Ray or the 2-movie set with The Fantasticks (see that movie below).
DVD
Blu-Ray

The Fantasticks
United Artists, 1995 (Released in 2000)
Starring Joel Gray, Brad Sullivan, Jean Louisa Kelly, and Joey McIntyre
Directed by Michael Richie
Music by Harvey Schmidt, Lyrics by Tom Jones

The Story: Here's another tale of fantasy and illusion, this time set in the American Midwest of the mid-20th century. Romantic Louisa (Kelly) and dreamy Matt (McIntyre) think that a wall and their feuding fathers are keeping them apart. Actually, Louisa's dad Amos (Gray) and Matt's dad (Sullivan) are using the wall to try to trick them into marrying and getting out of their respective homes. They go to a performance troupe at a local carnival and implore their leader El Gallo (Johnathon Morris) to stage an "abduction" of Louisa and make her swain look like a hero. He and his bumbling players, including the mute Mortimer (Teller, of Penn and Teller fame), do kidnap Louisa and bring her to the carnival, and all goes perfectly as planned, bringing the lovers together.

It works too well. Now that the wall is down and the kids are allowed to love freely, they're just bored. Matt goes off in search of adventure. Louisa finds adventure with El Gallo, who uses a mask to show her an idealized world. Their ideals come crashing down in the end, when they're both left alone on the road...and realize that their idealized romance has deepened into a far more mature understanding of what love really is.

The Song and Dance: The colorful sets and endless vistas of the Midwest in the 20th century enliven this sweet and delicate tale. Kelly has a lovely singing voice and makes a plaintive and adorable Louisa, while Gray and Sullivan do just fine as their frustrated fathers. Everything is big and beautiful and magical, especially in the rainbow-shaded carnival and during the gorgeous "Soon It's Gonna Rain" duet.

Favorite Number: "Soon It's Gonna Rain" is as dreamy as title storm, with a lovely melody and a nice little dance for the lovers. "Never Say No," the number for the dads as they complain about their kids not listening to them, was written specifically for this movie, and it's kind of fun. The other standard from this one is the haunting ballad "Try to Remember." It's performed touchingly by Morris to a montage of Louisa and Matt's memories of their courtship as the carnival packs up and leaves for the winter in the finale.

What I Don't Like: As lovely as the cinematography is, it's really too big for this small story. The numbers work better when they're in the carnival, or performed in a small space, as with "Rain" and El Gallo and the fathers' "It Depends On What You Pay." The "Abduction Ballet" is less of a ballet and more of an over-the-top farce that comes off looking like a Scooby Doo episode, with Louisa shoved in a cannon, Matt chasing El Gallo's performers everywhere, and El Gallo himself conducting the whole thing on top of a pole. Even more than Man of La Mancha, this show truly belongs in a theater, where it's playing with illusion in the face of harsh reality comes off as endearing rather than too over-the-top.

The Big Finale: While it's no masterpiece, it didn't deserve anywhere near the drubbing it got in the few theaters it was released into in 2000. This one might be of more interest to theater aficionados, who will be able to understand more of the conventions and tropes that this show is spoofing.

Home Media: While the solo DVD is also out of print, it's a lot cheaper online than La Mancha. The Blu-Ray may be your best bet here. Twilight Time's 2015 release includes the full 109 minute director's cut along with the original 86-minute theatrical release that's on the DVD and Amazon Prime and that I watched tonight. There's also a 2-disc set that pairs the theatrical cut with Man of La Mancha.

DVD
Blu-Ray
2-Disc "Family Classics Double Feature" DVD set (with Man of La Mancha)
Amazon Prime

Back to School Again Double Feature - Grease and Grease 2

In honor of Labor Day and many students returning to school this week, we're touring Rydell High School, where the Pink Ladies and T-Birds rule the hall in the late 50's and early 60's. A pair of shy newcomers from England and Australia may be turning heads and hearts, but they're as square as they come. They can't fit in with the ultra-cool American cliques...until they make a few changes..

Grease
Paramount, 1978
Starring Olivia Newton-John, John Travolta, Stockard Channing, and Jeff Conaway
Directed By Randal Kleisner
Music by Jim Jacobs, Warren Casey, and others

The Story: It's the fall of 1958. Australian Sandy Olsen (Olivia Newton-John) just spent the summer of her life with handsome Danny Zuko (Travolta). Danny gets quite a shock when he runs into Sandy at Rydell. He just told pretty much every guy at school he spent the summer making out with her, which turns out to be far from the case. Sandy doesn't know what to make of him, or her new friends the Pink Ladies, who smoke and drink as much as the boys.

She finally gets fed up with his posturing and breaks up with him after another girl cuts in on them at the school dance and he tries to put the moves on her. The both decide that the best way to win their sweethearts back is to show that they can be what the other wants from them - that Danny can do an activity besides hanging out with the guys, and Sandy can be as tough as anybody. Meanwhile, sweet-natured Pink Lady Frenchy is having problems in beauty school, while sassy Rizzo is having her own trouble with her boyfriend Kenckie (Conaway), who seems more interested in the junker car he wants to race than in her and her possible blessed event.

The Song and Dance: What I've always liked about this movie is the late 70's grit that's attached itself to this late 50's tale. The "teens" may be played by adults, but they still talk like teenagers, even now. There's some mildly dark touches, including Rizzo's little problem in the second half of the film. Newton-John and Travolta's palpable chemistry makes them a lot of fun to watch. I also like Conn's upbeat Frenchy, Channing and Conaway as the second couple, and 50's TV actors Eve Arden, Sid Caeser, and Alice Ghostly as the principal and staff of Rydell.

Favorite Number: Almost every song in this movie, from the split-screen ensemble number "Summer Nights" that reveals Sandy and Danny's differing views on just what happened during their summer idyll, to their "You're the One That I Want" in the fun house towards the end, is pretty much considered iconic today. I've always loved the school dance sequence, with it's colorful costumes and awesome choreography by Patricia Birch. There's more energy in that number than in many musicals with twice the budget, and everyone looks like they're having a great time. All the little cutaway gags (like Sonny "washing his hands" with the punch bowl) add to the fun.

What I Don't Like: As good as Newton-John looks in her tight black leather outfit and perm, the ending, both in the original show and the movie, always felt tacked-on to me. I kind of wish we'd seen Sandy considering making changes a little earlier, as they did with Danny and the sports teams.

I also wish they'd kept more of the songs from the original Broadway show. The film's soundtrack includes Broadway songs they used in the background, like "Freddy My Love" and "It's Raining on Prom Night," and I think a lot of them could have been worked in for other characters. Everyone sings in the stage show; only Danny, Sandy, and Rizzo get solos here.

The Big Finale: The nitpick about Sandy's change and the missing songs aside, this is by far one of the most beloved and enjoyable musical films of the latter half of the 20th century. A must-see for fans of Travolta and Newton-John or musical comedies. (I haven't seen the live version from two years ago that aired on Fox, but it's gotten some sterling reviews. I really need to pick that one up somewhere along the line.)

Home Media: DVD
Blu-Ray
4K

Grease 2
Paramount, 1982
Starring Michelle Pfiffer, Maxwell Caulifield, Adrian Zmed, and Lorna Luft
Directed by Patricia Birch
Music by Louis. St. Louis and others

The Story: We're back at Rydell, but it's now 1961. John F. Kennedy's inauguration earlier that year has unleashed a new spirit of optimism and freedom in the US...and that applies to the Pink Ladies and T-Birds, too. Head Pink Lady Stephanie Zanoni (Pfiffer) is a tough tomboy who is tired of her obnoxious and immature boyfriend, head T-Bird Johnny Nogarelli (Zmed) and is shopping around for someone who is both cooler and more sophisticated.

Enter Michael Carrington (Caulifield), an exchange student from England who immediately gets a crush on Stephanie. No matter how brilliant or good-looking he is, he has three strikes against him. He's shy with the opposite sex, an A+ student, and is more interested in Shakespeare than motorcycles. He uses his brains to earn money from the T-Birds, then buys a motorcycle and more-or-less becomes Rydell's own bike-riding, leather-wearing mystery man. Stephanie's smitten, Johnny's jealous, and half the school is talking about him. Michael's having some doubts about keeping up the charade, though, especially after Stephanie's interest in him leads to her estrangement from the T-Birds/Pink Ladies group.

The Song and Dance: It's too bad Caulifield's career hit a snag after this. He and Pfiffer actually work quite well together as the tomboy looking to break out of the mold and the intelligent Brit who thinks she's the greatest thing since Hamlet. Zmed's Johnny and Christopher MacDonald as his dim-witted buddy Goose are also pretty funny. I've always appreciated how Michael's adaption of the mystery man persona is a lot more gradual than Sandy's sudden about-face...and that he and Stephanie learn that he doesn't have to change himself entirely for her. She actually likes him the way he is, long words and all.

Favorite Number: Nothing tops the dynamic "Back to School Again," which besides being the best song in the film, introduces all the leads and perfectly sets up everything that's to be come. The bowling number "Score Tonight" and the hilarious "Reproduction" are also fun. I like how the Pink Ladies' "Girl for All Seasons" number in the talent show really does look like something a group of teenage girls would throw together for a high school show in the early 60's. "Cool Rider" is a long-time favorite in my family (especially since my stepdad actually did ride a motorcycle until recently), and Pfiffer throws her all into it.

Trivia: According to Wikipedia, there were some scenes cut from the film and lost, including one that shows how Rhonda really hurt her nose, Michael showing up as himself at the talent show, to Stephanie's dismay, and Frenchy going further into helping Michael learn to ride a motorcycle. I hope these turn up one of these days.

The script wasn't finished until well after filming began (which does explain a lot about the end product).

What I Don't Like: For every song that does work, or at least has a good routine going, there's two with awkward lyrics or bland or drippy music, including both of the solo ballads and the final number, the awful "We'll Be Together." Caulifield may have chemistry with Pfiffer and be easy on the eyes, but he can't sing or dance worth a darn. This is especially apparent in his clumsy "Charades" and when he's obviously watching his feet in the finale of "Together." While he was a jerk about it, Johnny was kind of right that Paulette's Miss June costume was really too risque for a high school show. I'm surprised she got away with it. And yes, the plot has pretty much been recycled from the original film. Even the "mystery man" twist can't do much to hide the feeling of deja vu.

The Big Finale: Critics continue to roast this movie to this day, and audiences remain divided. Some enjoy the cheesiness and the overall energy, while others think it's a travesty and a poor way for Pfiffer to begin her career. Maybe it's because I grew up watching this on cable frequently in the early 80's, but count me in the former category. While probably not at the level of the first movie, I think this is a bit underrated. Worth checking out if you love Pfiffer, the first film, or other school musical tales.

Home Media: My solo copy of the DVD is currently out of print; your best bet may be to pick this one up in a double feature with the first film.

DVD
DVD 2-Pack (with Grease) 
Blu-Ray 3-Pack (with Grease and Grease: Live!)